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Survivor: Guatemala – Who’s Movin’ On and Who’s Movin’ Out?by Ken Kellam III -- 11/15/2005
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By the time you read this, I’ll have made my way down to San Antonio to see the Billy Joel musical, Movin’ Out. This will be my third time to see it, and that might not even be enough. Long-time readers know that in the past, I’ve put a musical spin on certain episodes, and that begs the question: What Billy Joel songs would fit in to the latest installment of Survivor: Guatemala?
Well, for one, during Tribal Council, the nine remaining players may as well have sung in unison, “Honesty is such a lonely word. Everyone is so untrue.” And from there, they could’ve segued into, “It’s always been a matter of trust.”
After Judd’s latest drunken escapade, the other eight could’ve sang “Big Shot.” Just think of the lyrical possibilities: “Because you had to be a big shot, didn’t you, all your tribe was so grossed out,” would be appropriate when recounting his throwing up.
Of course, instead of replying, “It’s all a blur to me,” Judd could’ve sang, “You may be right, I may be crazy, but it just may be a lunatic you’re voting for.” Or he could’ve denied allegations of puking, singing, “And even though I drank way too much booze, the accused is an innocent man.”
That’s better than previous installments, when he seemed to be singing to Margaret, “I don’t care what you say anymore, this is my tribe. The old tribe ain’t comin’ back, so leave me alone.”
Later on, when Bobby Jon was trying to convince some of the others to vote out Stephenie, he could’ve sang, “She’s got a way about her. I don’t know what it is, but she controls the way the tribe votes.” After Gary announced he’d found the idol, the other eight could’ve sang, “Give us the news, you’re the Idol Man, you are immune, tonight, ‘cause we’re all in the mood for immunity, but you’ll get at least three more nights.
When Jamie started to whine about being called classless, everyone could’ve broken into a re-worked version of the song, “Angry Young Man.” Just think about it: “There’s a place in the tribe for the angry young man, with his motormouth ways and his tribal c. plans.” Perhaps Bobby Jon could then have clarified his comments by singing, “You ran your mouth off for the longest time.”
Of course, at this point, if Jamie talks about winning, the others may sing, “It’s just a fantasy.” Maybe Bobby Jon should’ve sang to him, “You have to learn to face yourself, pressure, you’re just like everybody else, pressure.”
After his bad behavior was followed up by good behavior after the reward challenge, the others should’ve sang, “Jamie, we don’t know why you go to extremes.”
Maybe after he announced his plan to take last place in the reward challenge, the other eight could’ve replied, “Don’t go changin’ to try and please me, you never shut your mouth before. We don’t imagine, you’re too endearing, and we don’t like you anymore.”
At some point, Bobby Jon could break into this re-worked version of “She’s Always a Woman,” … “He can shoot off his mouth, make your blood pressure rise. He can say he’s got class, but you know otherwise. He reveals way too much, can’t he just let it be. He’s eating nuts now, but he’s always a moron to me.”
Maybe Burnett and Co. could take us back to the ousters of Morgan, Brianna, Brooke and Brian, and play “Only the good die young.”
How ironic that the very night I was thinking of Joel’s “Movin’ Out,” Jeff Probst used the phrase “Movin’ on” about a dozen or so times during the immunity challenge. And after Bobby Jon’s ouster, the rest could’ve sung to him, “We’re movin’ on, but you’re movin’ out.” And as Probst snuffed his torch out, he could’ve crooned, “Don’t ask me why.” Just think of the lyrical possibilities: “All the players wanted Gary gone, but that idol is now his. On it you depended, your game is ended, don’t ask me why.”
Given the position Gary and Danni are in, they could’ve sang after Bobby Jon left, “And so it goes, and so it goes, and soon we will too, we suppose.”
Now that that’s done, here are a few questions. For one, how funny was it when Jamie said he hated all the drama? After all, he was the one creating it. Jamie complaining about drama was like someone messing with an ant pile and then complaining about getting bitten.
But how surprising was his decision to take the worst meal? If nothing else, it at least showed Jamie had learned his lesson, or was at least being strategic. Unfortunately, his paranoia seemed to undermine whatever goodwill he’d built up and Rafe questioned his motives, at least to the camera.
With that, let’s ask this question: Was Jamie sincere when he volunteered to take the worst meal, or was he playing the game? Rafe didn’t seem to think he was doing it out of the goodness of his heart, but what’s wrong with at least showing some game smarts? Even if Jamie’s move was insincere, it couldn’t help but work in his favor in the eyes of the others.
Has anyone ever bought more time in the game more dramatically than Gary? His decision to watch Judd looking for the idol, without letting Judd find out he was being trailed, was nothing short of brilliant. It all could’ve backfired if Judd had caught him. As it was, Gary pulled it off.
Also, kudos to Mark Burnett and company for not showing footage of Gary actually finding the idol or discussing finding it. The dramatic effect of Gary pulling out the immunity at Tribal Council stunned not only the others (most of all Judd, who encouraged everyone to look on the ground), but the audience as well. If we’d known going into Tribal Council that he’d found it, I don’t think it would’ve made for nearly as good television.
Speaking of which, hopefully that’s what we’ll be getting out of future episodes. Until then, I’m Movin’Out!
If you haven’t already, be sure to check out these other Survivor: Guatemala Episode 9 articles:
Ken can be reached with any comments, criticisms, or money orders at YourNextOfKen@aol.com.
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