Surviving Guatemala, Episode 12: Scumbags!

Before we begin, I’d like to thank Mike DeGeorge for subbing for me on Thanksgiving night. I don’t think my wife would have been very happy if I’d rushed from the turkey and stuffing to the TV and computer. That meant that since I couldn’t make my comments on the game here, I made them to my parents while we watched a tape of the show – lucky them!

Anyway, in an ironic twist of fate, the former Dallas QB lost on Thanksgiving. I was so hoping he would turn to his former tribemates and say, “Danni, you were right, I’m Gary Hogeboom,” just so we could see their faces. Maybe he’ll do it to the final two at the end of the game. I can hope, anyway.

This week, the previews have made it look like the alliance of four will crack. Maybe it will, but I have my doubts. Let’s find out together.

We begin the day after Tribal Council, with Danni telling us she is likely the next to go. From that, we cut to Lydia telling some of her cohorts that she smelled sausage and eggs – and insisting she was awake and not delirious. Oooookay, Lydia. Judd says the smell was probably Stephenie farting. Thank you, Judd. Stephenie says no, she went to the bathroom, so no more gas. Thank you, Stephenie. Cindy rolls her eyes. Thank goodness somebody isn’t contributing to this!

Ah, here’s why we segued into that – Danni continues her earlier comments by saying people are trying to play it off like nothing happened the previous night, but there were lies exposed at Tribal Council and now they all want to pretend it didn’t happen. She can’t believe it!

Judd does a cartwheel. Why? I dunno. Stephenie’s turn – she does one too. Danni is up next as she voices over that she’s not going down without a fight. She knows Lydia feels like she’s on the outs (ya think?), so it would only take one more person to swing things. Well, that’s true if by swinging things she means a tie vote, but even then, who would that one person be?

After the Survivor gymnastics competition is over, we cut to the tribe arriving at the Survivor auction, with Jeff Probst having them sit down on a couple of benches while he stands behind a large table that hides whatever might be part of the upcoming bidding war. Each of them has $500 to bid; sharing of money is allowed in bidding, but only the people who share the money can share in whatever they win. The auction will end without warning, so if they see something they like, they should bid.

The first item up for bids is… a plate of Survivor 2 Kel’s allegedly favorite treat, beef jerky. Danni bids $20 and nobody else even bids against her! She wins. But then Probst turns it into Let’s Make a Deal by telling Danni she can keep her beef jerky or trade it for what’s on a covered platter. She goes with the jerky. I’d have traded. Good thing I wasn’t there, ‘cus it’s a container of uncooked corn.

The next item is a plate of three chocolate chip cookies and a glass of milk. Lydia opens the bidding at $20. Cindy ups it to $40 – and wins. I can’t believe that Lydia didn’t up her bid after all her bitching about not getting food! Cindy takes a bite and describes to the others that it has big chunks of chocolate.

Third item up is not food – it’s an individual mosquito net. Rafe bids $20, Danni goes to $40, Lydia ups it to $60. Rafe and Danni agree to split it at $80 – well sure, that’s a great deal for Rafe, since he probably figures Danni is going home shortly! Lydia bids $100; Rafe and Danni go to $120; Lydia wins it at $140. She picks it up from Probst saying, “I need it.” As she turns to walk back to her seat, Probst notes that she does have a huge number of bites on her back – which the cameraman kindly shows us. She says he hasn’t seen nothing yet, pointing to her butt.

The next item is another covered platter, which will stay covered until somebody buys it. Lydia bids $20, then it starts going up and up and up. Finally, Rafe and Danni combine for a winning bid of $180. And they win a Philly steak sandwich, fries, ketchup, etc. It’s, in Stephenie’s words, “humongous.” Judd and Stephenie, who had been bidding against the winners, shake their heads in dismay at what they missed.

Probst brings out a small envelope as the next item, saying it contains a huge advantage at the next immunity challenge. Bidding starts shooting up with Danni putting in the winning bid at $200. She is given the envelope, but Probst points out that it has a wax seal that must remain sealed until the immunity challenge. Oh, that would drive me nuts!

The next item up for bids is… “coming right around the corner.” It’s the friends and relatives! Everybody smiles, screams, laughs, etc. Danni has to know there is no way she’ll win, since she spent so much money already, but I’m sure it’s still exciting.

Cindy sees her twin sister, Mindy. Rafe’s mom, Lonny, is there. Danni has her brother, Drew. Judd’s wife, Kristin, is standing there. Lydia sees her brother, Joseph. And Stephenie has her boyfriend, Michael. Rafe can’t believe his mom is there, saying, “This is so random!” And Lydia hasn’t seen Joseph in two years!

So what are they bidding on? An overnight stay for their loved one, who will go back to camp with them. While two people can share money in this one, only one gets a loved one. Ouch.

Stephenie begins the bidding at $40, but it quickly jumps. Danni bids $130, which is likely what remains of her cash, but is quickly outbid. Rafe goes to $300. Stephenie asks Lydia if she would loan her money, to which Lydia replies, “You bet.” Oh, Lydia is so trying to buy her way back into the game – good job! Judd gets everything Cindy has because she has already been outbid. Judd’s wife crosses her fingers and prays.