An "Insider" Look at Survivor: Guatemala, the Finale

Welcome to the final Insider clips for Survivor’s most amazing season ever! (Well, in this humble writer’s opinion. at least). I must admit to a heaping modicum of disappointment with the Insider clips. CBS’s tendency to place lengthy clips that are straight from the episode without any “extra bits” to them annoys me greatly.

Fortunately, there are still some clips with new info, and any new info is good info, so let’s sit right back, fast forward past bears in the woods needing toilet paper, and get to the goods!

Mayan Maze Madness: Nothing new in this clip, so we start off with a whimper rather than the bang I’d like. However, being a total bird person (and owning two macaws), I will add this: the maze’s design ROCKED!

Final Four Fancies: The Final Four sit at their camp, hypothesizing and fretting about the potential for Mayan visitors. We start out with two macaws preening each other, actually, which adds nothing to the clip, but makes me go all squishy inside. They’re so adorable.

Anyway, the four decide they should look as beautiful as possible. Rafe, falling into stereotypes as quickly as he can, offers to do the ladies’ hair. They talk about whether or not to sport braids, but the consensus is that hair should be down. Bathing also becomes a priority, they decide. First thing’s first, however, and the crew stands up to clean up the camp a bit so they can offer good hospitality. Rafe tells us that he tries to keep his expectations low, because he has a tendency to get too excited. But, he continues, he’s going to go ahead and get excited anyway. Have I mentioned I like Rafe?

And the Weak Shall NOT Inherit the Game: While it was silly to vote out Lydia, I cannot say I was disappointed. I do like seeing strong (mentally, physically, or strategically) players make it to the end, rather than complete hangers-on or morons who will spend thirteen hours in a challenge only to throw it so completely bitchy hangers-on can get an undeserving final two slot. When will people realize Survivor is a GAME and morals really don’t have to come into play? Oh, but I digress again. Sorry. Lydia seems very nice, but Rafe, Danni, and Steph totally played it.

Rafe votes for Lydia. The general gist is: you’ve been a mother hen, I care about you, but tonight I have to go with the people who will take me to the Final Two. I love you. He kisses the card before putting it in the urn.

Lydia votes for Danni: We became good friends, but it’s between you and me. Someone has to go, and I want to stay. I’m sorry, but I’d rather stay than go, so you’re on the chopping block.

Danni votes for Lydia: You’re one of the most wonderful people. I have to stick with my alliance. I’m sorry; I hope you will forgive me.

Stephenie votes for Lydia: You are awesome, so bright and cheery, and I’m sorry about this, but I gave my word. See ya later.

Lydia’s Final Words: Lydia says it is the hardest experience in her life. She has learned a lot about herself, how mentally and physically strong she is. She would not trade it for the world. She does not regret it. She is taking home that she endured this tough thing and never thought she’d even make Final Four. She babbles a bit about the hardships such as mosquitoes (who REALLY loved her), the heat, no food, and how proud she is of herself. She finds living in the Mayan ruins to be incredible (yeah, I was totally jealous of everyone this time around – that would have been awesome!). She thanks Danni, Rafe, and Steph for encouraging her to always hang in there and be tough. She has made friends for a lifetime. They are good people, she reassures us, and she cannot wait to see them on the “out and out.”

Lydia Rambles, a.k.a. Lydia, The Next Day: Wow, a whole lotta rambling and stating of the same points going on! Emotionally, she does not feel well, because she thought she had an alliance with Rafe and Stephenie (Judd and Jamie and Cindy can relate). It does not sit well with her, being voted off. The common themes here are that she feels good and is proud of herself and had strength to go on. She rambles a bit on how she was no mental or physical threat for the final challenge, so they should have taken her. While that is true, I still find it a bizarre stance to take. Honest, but bizarre, ya know? Hey guys, I totally suck, so take me!

Let’s see, there were harsh conditions. She was a good provider. Everything is against you out there. Again, a lot of talk on the same themes, and it’s obviously edited. I can only imagine how long this really was. Ten minutes was plenty! She does mention that it was a three-quarter of a mile hike each day to the water source. I drink like four liters of water a day; that would kill me! She also mentions the corn was like US-cow-grade quality, not something us spoiled Americans would usually eat (spoiled being my word, not hers). She tells us they would forage for ramone nuts. This clip is so long, I don’t wanna be sedated, I am sedated (obligatory Ramones’ joke, or attempt thereof).

Her work is backbreaking, grinding the corn, etc. I will agree with that. She will not buy a tortilla or even a Dorito or eat any corn for at least a year! Damn her, I suddenly have this urge for Doritos.

She tells us she persevered, kept strong, and will miss the people and the bonds she formed the most.

Tribute to the Fallen: Well, this is exactly like it was on the show, so rather than recap it, let me give you my initial thoughts on each of the players as I watched it.

Jim: Seemed like a great guy. I liked that he was voted out due to injury, not due to “getting rid of the old dude.”

Morgan: Inexplicably annoyed me.

Brianna: Inexplicably annoyed the HELL out of me.

Brooke: Indifferent. Loved her glasses.

Blake: Dude, chill on the tooth whitener.

Margaret: Started off impressive, but shot herself in the foot.