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Survivor: Exile Island, Missing Intelligence Award (MIA) – Mommy, Is It Naptime?by Heathyr Fields Ford -- 02/27/2006
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Every so often (okay, frequently!) on Survivor, intelligence goes missing in action, aka MIA. For that, I am creating a new award – the Missing Intelligence Award. Yes, when intelligence goes MIA you could receive an MIA. And if you come over to my place, a bitch slap and a request for an autograph might not be out of line. You know, just to keep you in your place. And because it’s fun.
This week, we have a few contenders. Terry, oh mighty leader of La Mina, without whom the morale crumbles into little itty bitty pieces, chose to go along with a plan to vote out Ruth-Marie instead of sticking by his original final five plans. Silly move as he potentially alienates final two buddy, No Pigment Dan. Oh and dude? Seriously should have lied better about the idol: “I got fire going and then looked for HOURS!” Way more believable. As noted in Ruth-Marie’s RealityNewsOnline interview, she knew, and I bet others do too.
Then we have Casaya. Excluding Cirie (who really is growing on me) and probably Bruce, all others probably deserve at least runner-up mention for this award. Let me highlight just a few though.
InShane – he’s just, well, an idiot. I believe he has already earned Lifetime Achievement Status for my new award simply by showing up with a multi-pack per day habit and no prior detox. Not to mention, he’s already alienating his alliance members with his freakazoid behavior. No really, it’s MY THINKING CHAIR. Frickin’ twit. Of course, he may be crazy like a fox, but I hope not. The dude seriously needs to go chill some where far far away.
Courtney – fire dancing school didn’t teach intelligence, did it? Lounging around so very obviously when others are working is a bad move. We’ll see how badly the next time your tribe goes to Council. You might be back on these pages. I’m especially looking to see the irony of “fighting” over yoga and zen gardens this week. Heh.
I could go on, but I think I’ll save Aras, Bobby and Booby… er I mean Danielle, for other weeks. I’m sure they won’t fail to disappoint. (Yes, I have aversions to scatological things like Danielle has aversions to working, so I’m just glossing over any runner-up potentials here, okay?) Let me skip instead straight to our winner of my first ever Missing Intelligence Award:
Yes, asking for a nap instead of trying to get important, and obviously much needed food, is stupid. Trying to convince others to break the alliance smacks of brainlessness in light of the fact that Sally probably is someone more likely to flip. Ruth-Marie, to her disadvantage, looked too eager beaver and loyal, too willing to accept fifth place amongst the boys. Of course, that’s exactly why you wanted her, Austin. Not to mention, she has pulled it together for challenges, and we know the woman has endurance. No one does that frickin’ Sahara run without it. Or if they do, they’re out two miles in and drinking margaritas with me (where the intelligent people are).
Oh, and pouring like a little old lady and not realizing the implications? Totally witless. You gained a smidgen of a point back for owning up to that, but not enough to keep you from winning the very first ever MIA!
Congratulations, Austin, your intelligence went MIA and you get this other MIA in return. Now come on over here so I can bitch slap you, get your autograph and make you take your shirt off.
Heathyr Fields Ford resides in Washington state with her exceedingly patient boyfriend, four awesome kids, two large macaws, and a harassed cat. She can be reached at email@example.com.
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