The Amazing Race 9, Episode 7: Greece Frightening

Previously on So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish: Seven teams hung around Sicily, getting stuck in traffic (like Frankenberry) and carrying and selling fish. Monica had a hissy fit. Lake got on Michelle’s case at the roadblock. Dave & Lori bickered, made up, and got eliminated all in one episode. Nerds everywhere are still crying. Six teams remain:

Eric & Jeremy - Friends/If they win, it’ll be pretty anti-climactic

BJ & Tyler - Friends/Sentimental favorites/Same here

Monica & Joseph (Mojo) - Dating/I want to go watch her hissy fit from last week again

Fran & Barry (Frankenberry) - Married/Sentimental favorites/Even by making bad decisions and getting lost, they’re hanging in there

Lake & Michelle - Married/She should’ve stabbed him with her swordfish

Ray & Yolanda - Dating/New sentimental favorites/So sweet together

Phil shows us lovely Siracusa, Sicily and wonders out loud if Lake & Michelle will keep fighting (oh, come on, Phil, you know the answer to that) and if BJ & Tyler will remain at the front of the pack. Eric & Jeremy are the first to leave at 10:33 p.m. Their clue sends them by train and then ferry to Rome, 350 miles away. There, they’ll find a man with a red and yellow scooter at Trevi Fountain and get their next clue from him. The guys interview that they’re having fun teasing each other.

BJ & Tyler leave next and Tyler says they’re having fun but are still in the game as much as everyone else. Mojo leave and Monica says that sometimes she feels like she’s going crazy. No kidding. The race has given her a lot of highs and lows. Frankenberry are off next and Barry says that Fran is mentally tough. He couldn’t do this race without her. The train station doesn’t open until 4 a.m. and the earliest train out leaves at 8 a.m., so the teams will have to wait a while. Ordinarily I don’t care much for equalizers, but I’m glad this one is here. The same teams have been ahead for too long and it’s definitely time to switch things up. The Dudes (BJ & Tyler and Eric & Jeremy) are reunited at the station.

Michelle & Lake leave next as Michelle says that Lake never gives up. Nothing on the race has affected their commitment to being a team. The two lose their clue about two steps away from the mat and they start to fight. He calls her a name that rhymes with witch, like he’s trying to see how far he can cross that line before she just hauls off and hits him. Mojo and Frankenberry reach the train station. Ray & Yolanda are the last to leave and Ray says that they have no room to make mistakes. They just have to take out one team at a time. Lake & Michelle arrive at the train station. I’m distracted by the fact that Lake has shaved and is now actually physically attractive. The rest of him is still just a mess, but physically he kind of looks like Phil. Tell me that’s not scary. I’m terrified. Eric thinks he’s bipolar, however.

Everyone on the train! Now everyone off the train! Mojo and Eric & Jeremy get cabs while Frankenberry, Tyler & BJ, and Lake & Michelle get on the metro. Ray & Yolanda seem to have missed the train the others were on. The cabs are faster, of course, and Eric & Jeremy are the first to the fountain. The next clue tells them to find horses and carriages near the Spanish steps. There, they’ll find portfolios with half of DaVinci’s The Vitruvian Man inside. They’ll have to get the other half, put the pieces together, and “crack the code.” The first team to arrive at the pit stop with the cracked “code” wins a prize.

Okay, sidebar: This is all a commercial for The DaVinci Code. It is ridiculous and I don’t want to put up with it. I think The DaVinci Code is a highly overrated book, and frankly, the movie doesn’t need any extra publicity. It starts Tom Hanks and it’s based on a huge bestseller. It’s going to make plenty of money. The Amazing Race doesn’t need to stoop to this level. Did anyone see that episode of Medium that was basically a huge ad for Memoirs of a Geisha? This is worse because it’s so random and unnecessary and the “code” is dumb. It’s bad enough these people have to be walking ads for Travelocity by carrying gnomes around. This is way below this show. Okay, rant over.

Monica is thrilled to be in Rome; she’s always want to come here. Mojo are second to the fountain clue, BJ & Tyler are third, Frankenberry are fourth, and Lake & Michelle are fifth. Ray & Yolanda are off to a bad start and finally arrive last. Eric & Jeremy get their portfolio and their clue, which sends them to Athens, Greece. Their next clue will be at the Agora. The guys “crack the code” by placing pieces of paper over each other. That didn’t take many brain cells, even for them. Basically the only thing you need to worry about in this situation is losing your papers. It’s pretty much impossible not to “crack the code.”

Monica is happy to be walking in the same places as Caesar. Mojo are second to the portfolios, followed by Tyler & BJ, Lake & Michelle, and Frankenberry. Once again, Ray & Yolanda are trailing. Ray says he wants to come back sometime and shop. At the airport, Eric & Jeremy get a 7:25 flight. This would be suspenseful if the others didn’t all get on the flight (which happens to be the only one). Everyone flies. In Athens, Frankenberry are the first to get a cab, followed closely by Ray & Yolanda (yay!) and Mojo. Monica says that all the great philosophers are Greek. She and Joseph note that Ray & Yolanda are all business. Cut to Yolanda saying that she doesn’t think there’s a lot going on upstairs with Mojo. Heh. I guess her tune would change if she’d heard Monica talking about philosophers and Caesar.