American Inventor Finale: America Votes With Its Heart

ABC has technical problems with this live show, but the network shows itself to have lots of heart. Fans who’ve watched the final four through all the rigors of competition to prove that they’re all winners didn’t want to see anyone go home empty-handed, or in any way feeling like a loser. But I’m getting ahead of myself and want to build up to the surprises for the also-rans.

First up is Erik Thompson whose Detroit supporters are out en masse at City Center, led by none other than big guy Mayor Tommy Kilpatrick. Seeing all of Motor City out to cheer him on, Erik says, “I’m feeling like a million bucks.” Who wouldn’t – especially as His Honor tells him the Key of the City is Erik’s when he returns home.

Unfortunately for Francisco Patino’s huge turn-out at Queens College, technical problems get in the way. We can hear the shouts and cheers, but when Francisco’s student friend is asked a question, there’s an embarrassing pause. Host Matt Gallant tries to smooth it over, claiming that the guy must be overcome. No, Animal Planet Guy, take another look and you’ll see that the hapless guy on the East Coast isn’t properly wired and has no idea what was asked.

Then a live shot of Ed Hall’s friends and neighbors in Forrest Park, Illinois, where it’s friend O’Dell with the mike. Matt has a question which clearly can’t be heard, and there’s another very awkward moment which again, the host tries to cover up. Guess Animal Planet Guy is so used to speaking for animals that he can’t think of anything to help human beings feel more comfortable when systems fail. Ed apparently doesn’t like the host’s covering up the obvious tech problems and tells the denying host that his friend needs a better feed and a mike that works. Ed is a former teacher who must be in charge of communications at the school, as he apparently knows when technology is messed up, and host Matt, a supposed professional broadcaster does not. The score is now Ed: three, and Animal Guy: zero.

Even in Los Gatos, California, where Janusz’ supporters are out in full force, there’s another technical glitch. The inventor has a Polish pal whose name is also Janusz who, foreign accent or not, has the mike in hand. Oh no, not only does the guy have a language barrier, but the frustration of intermittent connection to the studio as well. You’d think by now, host Matt might decide to admit there’s been a series of foul-ups. Heck no, he’s in major denial which, of course, causes Janusz II even more confusion. But the Old World immigrant finally figures, what the heck, all U.S. TV is gibberish, and doesn’t care if he didn’t hear the question from the studio. He seizes the moment and hollers in support of his Polish pal, “He Vill Vin!”

From his bio, host Matt Gallant started as a comedian, which is hard to believe since he can’t even do a bit of stand-up to honestly get past these glitches. We could’ve used a bit of lightening up, and for sure the guys with dead earphones and sporadically operating mikes would’ve been glad for a bit of distraction. It was not meant to be. Makes me wonder if Animal Planet Guy will be back next year. Now hear this ABC execs: no way should this doofus return. Hire anybody else, but please not Ryan Seacrest.

OK, now the atmosphere goes from cringeworthy to grim back at the studio as the final four are lined up as though they’re facing a firing squad. Interestingly, the men are divided into twos, and we are told we’ll find out who’s safe. Erik and Janusz are still standing, but Ed and Francisco are in jeopardy, because one of them received the fewest audience votes.

We have to wait until after a commercial break to learn that Francisco is going home. He’s a game guy, but he shows his emotions and lets a few tears fall. His mentor Mary Lou appears close to sobs, and perhaps, while they compose themselves, we get to look back at Francico’s journey. Then Mary Lou assures the teen that he’ll be inventing for a lifetime and he thanks her as a mentor and friend, and even says, “I love you.”

At that, Mary Lou really starts to lose it, but this time, host Matt comes through with a surprise. Enter a Trek Bike vice president who is momentarily unsettled as he starts his spiel, “Trek is the greatest bike company in the world…” There’s a bit of an audience guffaw as the scoffer is obviously a Schwin or a Huffy guy. But all heckling stops when the executive tells Francisco there’s a product development internship for him at Trek. The VP is confident that with the help of company’s world-class cutting-edge technology, Francisco will be one step closer to his dream of the D-Tract’s production.

As we’ve barely had a chance to digest that positive news flash, there’s a video clip of the greatest-ever cyclist, all round hottie and hunk Lance Armstrong. Wow, the Tour de France seven-time winner ever so casually leans on his bike to tell Francisco he’s in support of the innovation, and allows as how “I know a little something about bicycle technology.” Then the racer’s feature ends all too quickly as he wishes us, “Live strong.”