Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Fresh Meat, Episode 4 – Justice is Served!

Last time on the unReal World/nonRoad Rules Challenge, Coral and Evan chose Melinda and Ryan to go into Exile as part of their continuing campaign to break up the Austin alliance. Wes volunteered his team into Exile so that his girlfriend, Johanna, wouldn't have to go.

It’s evening in the house, and Melinda is missing Danny (quell surprise!). Tina interviews that the "real" alumni are showing the new kids, including the Austinites, what the game is really about. Melinda and Ryan talk about their situation in the game. Ryan is trying to get Melinda focused on what they need to do to stay. He tells us this is his "shot at something huge" and he doesn’t want to lose it because of some sort of fight between Danny and Melinda. Apparently, Danny is upset about a mini skirt that he heard Melinda was wearing! (I could comment here, but you can fill in your own blank while I run for my anti-nausea medication.) Melinda assures Ryan that everything will be fine.

Out on the verandah, the familiar dulcet T-Mobile tones sound, and everyone gathers around to hear the next clue: "Teamwork will be the KEY to your success." They have to be ready to go at 7:45 a.m. (At least the producers are making the kiddies get up early.)

Johnnie interviews that the juggernaut of Coral and Evan must be terminated; else their continued domination will threaten the wellbeing of every other team in the game. (Actually, he just says that everyone is getting sick of watching Coral and Evan win, but I’ve been watching James Bond films and I thought I’d add a little atmosphere.)

The next morning, we’re at the challenge, called "Jailbreak." Each team will be handcuffed, shackled and caged, and must search through six bowls of "prison slop" for three keys to free themselves. Once freed, they must run 50 yards to the finish line. The catch is that they can only search with their mouths and faces. The winning team gets a year supply of this week’s product placement item, and determines the order of teams in the next challenge. If either Wes and Casey or Melinda and Ryan win the challenge, they escape Exile and get to choose the team that replaces them.

Coral and Evan select the running order, and the first heat will be Katie and Eric against Tonya and Johnnie (ooh, a slut-off!). We’re treated to the sight and sound of four young adults hacking, gagging and snorfling their way through six bowls of brown, lumpy stew of indeterminate origin (it looks like watery baked beans). Tonya and Johnnie find the first key and locate all three before Katie and Eric do. As we see Tonya and Johnnie shuffling to the finish line hand in hand (it seems they didn’t bother to open their ankle shackles), Tonya interviews that she feels "team unity" with Johnnie.

Johanna and Jesse interview that it’s "unsanitary" to eat from Tonya’s bowl, since you don’t know where her lips have been. Or else, you do know where her lips have been, which is even worse! (That just about says it all, doesn’t it?)

The next heat, Johanna and Jesse go against Darrell and Aviv. We’re treated to more snorfling and gagging sounds as Darrell tells us it’s hard to find the key, because the bowl and the key are both made of metal. (What?) Jesse finds all three keys very quickly, and Johanna, ever the pressure player, proceeds to drop one of the keys in the mud at their feet as they try to unlock themselves. While they fish around in the muck, Darrell and Aviv free themselves and run for the finish line. Jesse eventually finds the key and they finish a distant second.

Wes interviews that he and Casey are just out there to have fun, "eat some slop," and get out of jail. Naturally, they’re going against Melinda and Ryan, and Melinda reminds us that if she and Ryan win, they can escape Exile. Both teams get started, and Melinda finds the first key, with her team finding all three first. They lead all the way, and finish faster than Wes and Casey. (Of course, the way MTV edits these things, we have no idea how much faster, nor how they compare to the other teams.) Wes interviews that he "got the least intelligent and least athletic partner in a game where those are the only two things that count." Can someone please remind him that he chose her?

Now we have Tina and Kenny against Theo and Chanda. As they contemplate the task before them, Kenny tells us he’s been watching people "blow snot" and other bodily substances into the bowls for awhile now. "I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a little DNA," Tina tells him. "Yeah, there is," he replies. And they’re off! Chanda tells us that she’s focused on the task, because "if we don’t win, Theo will kill me." They finish the task before Tina and Kenny even have all of their keys, but Theo tells us they don’t think they got first place, so it doesn’t really matter.

Now we have Derrick and Diem against Shane and Linette. (As opposed to the rest of the cast, I have to be a little concerned about Diem here – in the last episode, she revealed that she has ovarian cancer and is taking light dose chemotherapy. I hope her immune system is up to the task of fighting off whatever bacteria and other nastiness are floating through the bowls by this point.) Both teams dig in at the whistle, and Shane and Linette finish first (again, before Derrick and Diem even have all of their keys).

The last team up is Coral and Evan. (Going last might usually be an advantage, but if I were them, I think I would have chosen to go first. As nasty as those bowls were to start, I can only imagine the level of horrors contained therein by now.) The horn blows and they begin, but they look like they’re screwing around. Sure enough, Evan interviews that they were just "goofing around," so the other teams won’t see them as a threat (sorry, my friend, but I think that ship has already sailed). They get so carried away with themselves that they barely walk over the finish line, making it clearly obvious to everyone that they intentionally dumped the challenge.