The One, July 25: Does It Get Any Better?

Last week, we met the contestants. They did not sing well (with the exception of Austin, and perhaps Syesha).

We also met the judges. Their praise of the contestants generally induced a state of jaw-dropping horror amongst most of the (tiny) viewing audience. I admit it certainly did so in me, until about the third singer when I just began laughing uncontrollably every time an off-key performance was praised as “Awesome! You have a phenomenal talent!”

Finally, we met our host, George Stroumboulopoulos, who generally stared intensely (and yet somehow blankly) at the camera in a manner totally at odds with the lisping super-enthusiastic delivery of his lines. Also, did no one ever suggest a stage name for this person? It is hard to spell (though fun to say if you use a British accent… no seriously, try it) and sounds far too much like Sesame Street’s Snuffleupagus. So unless he sees a future as a brown furry elephant, someone clearly needs to fire his agent. I’m just saying.

The three contestants who received the fewest votes were: Jackie, Michael, and Jadyn. Each sang a different song than the night before, in hopes that their ass would be saved. Jackie was saved by the judges – well, Kara and Andre; Mark claimed to stay true to his “rocker” roots (though I don’t recall anyone in Aerosmith having a blue beard), and voted for Michael. The other contestants voted to save Michael, and thus Jadyn and her truly atrocious rendition of “Keep Me Hangin’ On” were sent home.

Here’s hoping the producers listened to America’s sudden longing for Simon Cowell and told the judges to be a bit less sugary sweet and far more honest. I’ve seen Andre on Making the Band 3, and he’s capable. I think Mark was supposed to be the mean one, though; after his positive comment on last week’s opening number, George made some ominous comment along the lines of seeing whether Mark’s niceness would last. Unfortunately for George and me, it did.

Other wishes for this week? That Mark has dyed his beard gray, or any other relatively normal color; that Mark has stopped dressing in matching green jackets and berets and generally looking like an overgrown leprechaun (I know, but he really just looked kind of horrific); and that the judges/producers choose more modern or just plain better songs for the contestants. Pretty please?

I thought not. Here we go!

After a brief recap of last week (because only about three people watched it), we get a montage of contestants and judges saying that they’re getting down to the real work now, and that the contestants have a long way to go. For the very first time, I agree with this show. I do not agree with George’s really awkward banter with the contestants, his professed ability to read Michael’s eyes through Michael’s sunglasses, or Michael’s inability to say anything coherent.

FYI, tonight Judge Mark is wearing a military-inspired Blazer and Beret (B&B) combo and leather pants. And a red flower ring.

Tonight, Austin is up first. Back at The Academy (I wish they would think of a better name for it… brings back bad memories of Fame and the opening “I’m here to work!” song), the contestants and judges are watching a video of Austin’s performance from last week. Austin interviews and tells his father that it’s really hard for him when people tell him he’s awesome all the time. You and me both, Austin. You and me both.

Austin is singing Al Green’s “Let’s Stay Together.” A piano is right behind him, giving the whole thing a pseudo-lounge singer vibe that doesn’t really seem to fit with Austin’s style. Austin delivers a solid, on-key performance.

Mark says that Austin is so good that he set the bar for the night, but that he needs to work on his confidence and desire to be here at The Academy. Andre wants Austin to groove a bit more, and says that the end was better than the beginning. Kara thinks that it was good, but that Austin’s bar is “great.” George interrupts Kara once to tell the audience Kara is not done, and then again trying to wrap her up and send us to commercials.

Video of Kara laying down the law back at The Academy. She says they all (including the judges) looked like fools last week. Again, I agree with Kara! (Luckily, almost nobody saw them.) This week is going better already. Mark wants to know if they really want it; what I want is for Mark to take off the powder blue B&B combo and dress like a normal person. In the video, he also has a tri-tone beard (dark blue mustache, and a turquoise over eggplant goatee). He looks like a parrot, especially when sporting some bright yellow-gold hoop pirate earrings, as he naturally is now. Kara declares that this week there will be no more hoochie mammas, which means less breasts showing on all the girls. That wasn’t one of my chief complaints last week, but I am currently rolling with Kara, so what she says goes. Andre wants them to pick better songs. That sounds like a good idea to me.

Back to tonight. Syesha is up second. The judges/advisors want her to stop with the Diana Ross hair and theatrics. Andre wants her to “sing to the children.” Um… I was with him on the pick better songs part.

Syesha does pick a better song and sings Alicia Keyes’ “If I Ain’t Got You” while sitting on top of the piano. I suppose the one thing about Piano Night (which this is shaping up to be) is that we hear the contestants much better. Syesha’s voice sounds smooth and really great. The back-up vocalists aren’t as hot, and sound pre-recorded (which they may or may not be – I have no idea, but they sound like it). Syesha exhibits very good control over her voice, and gives (in my opinion) the best performance on this show so far.