Who Wants to Be a Superhero, Episode 1: The Villain’s View – Doomed

I have long been (and ever will be) a massive comic book fan (a.k.a. Marvel Zombie). As such, I find it irresistible to provide a unique view of the heroes from the show Who Wants to Be a Superhero. Over the course of the show, I will be interviewing various super villains to get their take on some of the heroes or not-so-heroes that compete for the final spot and the immortality that Stan “The Man” Lee offers the winner in comic book form.

Today's guest will be international despot and self-proclaimed ruler of Latveria and nemesis of the Fantastic Four, Dr. Doom.

Reality News Online: Welcome, Doom. We're glad that you could speak with us today.

Doom: ...

RNO: Uh, right. Well, let's just get started then, shall we? What did you think of Cell Phone Girl?

Doom: When I was a child, my tribe's puppeteer mesmerized me with his marionettes— As an adult, my own robotic creations have proved a great aid in both the maintenance of state and the gathering of information.

RNO: Then you approve of her special power, cell phones?

Doom: ...

RNO: Okay. How about Nitro G? He finished the first challenge very quickly–

Doom: I am aware of the time elapsed, and of the proper speed at which to proceed.

RNO: Then you don't fault him for running past the girl or changing his outfit within view of the public?

Doom: No.

RNO: I see. Does the same apply to the others who ran past the girl? What about Iron Enforcer? He seemed to have a heartless, almost inhuman approach to the competition.

: In times of revolution, humanity is an overrated commodity.

RNO: So you're saying that you liked his personality. Could it be that you were simply impressed by his unique arm weapon?

Doom: Indeed. I have adapted a phase shifter to my new armor.

RNO: Major Victory, on the other hand, not only stopped for the child, he did so in truly heroic fashion. Don't you agree?

Doom: Look beyond the superficial. The child's more powerful than any now, but he's no warrior.

RNO: Really? So you only really care whether or not these superheroes could dominate in a battle?

Doom: You misinterpret my words. Conquest does not interest me. I have returned to a world teetering on the brink of destruction – a house of cards destined to collapse under the weight of political and corporate factionalism. If that anarchic tomorrow is to be avoided, this world must be rebuilt and restructured. And I am the architect of that future.

RNO: Oh, so you're just interested in the heroes who would treat their tasks like you would.

Doom: Indeed.

RNO: Would Tyveculus fit that definition?

Doom: None of these are the gods they claim to be. They are the fabrication created to exploit the many. Make no mistake, the real threat is not these play actors. It is I.

RNO: So you weren't impressed by Tyveculus's performance?

Doom: No.

RNO: Surely there must have been at least one other superhero that impressed both you and Stan Lee.

Doom: Heroism is a contagious idea. It spreads quickly. I lived during the last epidemic.

RNO: So when Lemuria stopped to help the girl, you weren't impressed? What did you think when she carried the girl in her arms to the security office?

Doom: Put that down, woman! Are you completely deranged?

RNO: Then were there any other characters that you liked? Creature, Feedback, Levity, Fat Momma? Monkey Woman, perhaps? Were you impressed by any of them?

Doom: By what? An assemblage of history's greatest losers?

RNO: I'll take that as a no. Well, thank you for speaking with us today, Dr. Doom. It's been a pleasure hearing your unique point of view on this group of superheroes.

Doom: If you are through, I have more important things to attend to.

Wesley is a writer and English teacher from Wichita, KS. To ensure the accuracy of these interviews, all of Dr. Doom's commentary was lifted directly from the pages of several Doom comic books. He can be reached with questions, comments, or snide remarks at Musnud@Gmail.com.

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