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Who Wants to Be a Superhero, The Villain's View, Episode 2: The Joke's on Youby Wesley Rice -- 08/10/2006
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It's another week of Who Wants to Be a Superhero, which means it's also another week of The Villain's View. This week's article should be particularly poignant, since we were just introduced to our first super villain on the show, the Dark Enforcer. And who better to discuss this new villain than perhaps the most notorious villain of all time?
That's right. This week's interviewee will be the Clown Prince of Crime himself and Batman's greatest nemesis, the Joker.
But before we begin, I would like to take a moment to remind everyone that in order to ensure the authenticity of these interviews, all of the villain's responses will be taken verbatim from the pages of actual comic books.
This put me in a particular dilemma this week, since I never collected many Batman issues when I was a wee child. But in my grand devotion to you the reader, I spent the better part of this past week digging through my DC comics and found a few issues that will suffice.
RNO: So without further ado I’d like to welcome the Joker to RNO.
Joker: This is it, bay-bay! The greatest performance ever put on celluloid! And all you have to do is act naturally!
RNO: Of course. But, uh, this interview isn’t being filmed. It’s an internet interview.
Joker: Ruined... all my plans ruined by some shoddy imposter.
RNO: Well, I wouldn’t necessarily call the internet an imposter. And if it helps, this website is widely read. You should get plenty of exposure.
Joker: That’s good. That’s good! Hahahahahaha!!!
RNO: Right. So let’s discuss this week’s challenge, shall we? Our heroes responded in some interesting ways to those attack dogs. What did you think of Monkey Woman’s perseverance?
Joker: Hee hee! I must say I'm impressed.
RNO: She really was something wasn’t she? Iron Enforcer on the other hand wimped out right before reaching the door. How would you sum up his performance?
Joker: Something's not right... Something... I can't put my finger on it... The way he moves... The ferocity... The lack of grace... The sheer brutality...
RNO: He was pretty awful, wasn’t he. He lumbered to a halt with all the grace of a dying rhino.
Joker:: That's good. That's rich. Reminds me of a joke... actually, everything reminds me of a joke... Hahahahaha!
RNO: The rest of the men seemed to have it figured out though. Major Victory may have even enjoyed it a little too much. It almost seemed like he was reliving one of his old exotic dance routines.
Joker: Gotta dance! Gotta Dance! Gotta Dance!
RNO: Haha! Exactly.
Joker: He knows the music! He knows the steps! The boy's a natural!
RNO: I suppose a superhero should be able to draw from past experiences in a crisis. But let’s move on. The outfits that Stan Lee created. I felt that some were very good, while others were... well, not so much. But I'd like to know what you thought of them. If you met Lemuria on the streets, what would you say to her?
Joker: You’re beautiful! I mean that!
RNO: Right. Right. Well, of course. But what would you say about her costume, I mean?
Joker: You've changed tailors since last we tangoed.
RNO: I see. Makes sense. But does that mean you like it?
Joker: Hahaha! Yes!
RNO: What about Feedback's glossy new suit?
Joker: So choice! So apropos!
RNO: Pretty much everyone agreed that Tyveculus' costume was pretty embarrassing. What did you think?
Joker: Well, it’s garish, ugly, and derelicts have used it for a toilet.
RNO: So you don't like it either then, huh?
Joker: Don’t like it? I’m crazy for it!
RNO: What was it that you liked best then? The hat?
Joker: A pretty red one, just like I asked for. Let’s see if I got all my Christmas wishes!
RNO: Haha! Sounds like you were the costume's only fan. Heh.
Joker: If I've told you once, I've told you a million times... I make the jokes around here.
RNO: Sorry sir, uh... Mr. Joker, sir.
Joker: Ingrate! Amateur! Scene-stealer!
RNO: I truly am very sorry, sir.
Joker: Oh dear, you don’t look pleased at all. Perhaps an increase in your medication, hm?
RNO: No. No. That's okay. Perhaps it would be best if we just ended the interview.
Joker: I hate these last-minute rewrites. I'll just have to save this scene in the editing room. It will still be a cinema masterpiece!
RNO: Um, this is on the internet. Remember?
Joker: Hahahahaha! Hoo Hoo!
Wesley is a writer and English teacher from Wichita, KS. He's ashamed to admit that the only Batman books he ever collected were the Knightquest storyline from the mid ‘90s. He can be reached with questions, comments, or snide remarks at Musnud@Gmail.com.
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