Who Wants to Be a Superhero, The Villain's View, Episode 3: Me Am Article

Me am writing article! Article are funny! Ah hah ah-- What? What's this odd grammar that I'm using? No, this doesn't mean Yoda is today's special guest. It means that I will be interviewing one of my favorite villains!

This week's interview will showcase the comedic stylings of none other than Bizarro. A Superman villain so twisted that sometimes the things he says mean the opposite of what he means! I'd like to extend a warm welcome to the alternate universe Superman – Bizarro!

And as always, I would like to remind everyone that in order to ensure the authenticity of these interviews, all of the villain's responses will be taken verbatim from the pages of actual comic books.

RealityNewsOnline: Welcome, Bizarro, to RNO. I hope everything's going well with you right now.

Bizarro: Me am Superman.

RNO: Oh right. So you think you are Superman. Well, just to enlighten some of our readers who might not be as familiar with Superman lore, could you tell us a little bit about who you are and where you're from?

Bizarro: From Kan-zaz! Small--Room. No! Big Room!

RNO: Okay, a big room in Kansas. And is there anything else you can tell us about yourself?

Bizarro: Me am Superman.

RNO: Right. Well, you said that already.

Bizarro: Time for work Lo--iz!

RNO: Well, I am a reporter, but I'm not Lois Lane.

Bizarro: You am LOIZ!

Loiz: Oh, uh, okay. If you insist. Far be it for me to argue with an alternate universe version of Superman. So, uh, what did you think of this week's first challenge? Are secret identities as important as Stan Lee claims, or were Monkey Woman and most of the others justified in giving out their names?

Bizarro: Ha! Me am Clark.

Loiz: Oh, so you don't think secret identities are important at all, I suppose.

Bizarro:: Me am Superman in secret!

Loiz: Yeah, I kind of got that impression. So in your opinion, uh... Superman, should Stan Lee have made such a big deal as he did about concealing secret identities?

Bizarro: Me am Clark. Me call Superman!

Loiz: Oh, well, alright. Perhaps I'm going about this the wrong way. Do you think Stan should have been more open with them and not lied about what the challenge was? Should he have judged them on what they purchased instead of what they revealed?

Bizarro: This all wrong!

Loiz: Ah, I see. So you agree with me? If you had been the judge, would you rather have seen what sandwiches and drinks they purchased?

Bizarro: Ahh! Min-ner-ul wa-ter... good!

Loiz: Exactly! Perhaps more could have been revealed if we knew whether or not someone like Lemuria had purchased a hero sandwich!

Bizarro: Tricky Loiz!

Loiz: Oh, you're probably right, I'm just trying to be clever. What about the second challenge then. The heroes were tricked by our new bald villain--

Bizarro: Lu-thorr!

Loiz: Haha! No, I was going to say, Dark Enforcer.

Bizarro: No! No hair! um... Lu-thorr!

Loiz: I understand, but this was actually Dark Enforcer.

Bizarro: Hate Lu-thorr!

Loiz: Yes, I'm sure you do. So, as I was saying, they were tricked into thinking the beam they had to walk across was between the two buildings--

Bizarro: Stay up building! You am saved! Stay up!

Loiz: Uh, yes. But the building wasn't the one in trouble. In fact, the heroes weren't even in trouble. It was all just a trick by the Dark Enforcer. Most of them seemed to take it pretty well, but I would have felt angry if it had been me who was duped. How would you have felt?

Bizarro: Good.

Loiz: Good? Really?

Bizarro: Why am world falling down on top of me?

Loiz: Oh, so you would have felt good... but devastated.

Bizarro: Me am Superman!

Loiz: Right. So in the diner challenge you would have revealed your name but chosen to drink mineral water. And in the beam challenge you would have felt good... but upset. Am I getting this right?

Bizarro: Loiz not like?

Loiz: No. No. Lois likes your answers. I'm just trying to clarify.

Bizarro: Take it back!

Loiz: Oh, all right then. Lois hated your answers?

Bizarro: Me am glad!

Loiz: Well, I hope that means what it actually means. At any rate, it was good talking to you today, Bizarro. And I hope you enjoyed our interview today.

Bizarro: All for you, Loiz! Me hate you ver-ry much!

Loiz: Oh, that's sweet. I hate you too.

Bizarro: Prom-izz!

Loiz: I promise. Thanks once again for the interview, Bizarro. This has been a wonderfully odd interview today.

Wesley am a singer and math teacher from Managua, Nicaragua. He am being reached with answers, asks, or happy noises at Musnud@Gmail.com.

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