Celebrity Duets, Episode 1: Mr. Brady’s Opus

Wayne Brady welcomes us to the show! But not before we get to see our eight competing celebrities standing next to screens with silhouettes representing their mystery partners! Oh, yeah, there is going to plenty of canned drama on this show!

Wayne tries to convince us that these celebrities singing is like putting their whole careers at stake (career-wise, some of these folks are down to their last poker chips as it is – not that big a gamble)! Wayne then introduces us to the celebrity judges – Marie Osmond, Little Richard (yes, that Little Richard) and David Foster (he’s determined to make a career out of reality television, isn’t he?).

Wasting little time, we meet our first celebrity (since everyone involved in this show is a celebrity, why don’t we call the competitors “celebrities” and their pseudo-mystery partners “superstars”? Everybody got that? Good.), the suddenly blonde, and totally delicious ex-Xena, now Battlestar Galactica star, Lucy Lawless!

Lucy says she worked very hard for this show and seeing who her partner was made her very nervous (but we see her jogging, basically – running off the nerves?), and it is an opportunity she couldn’t pass up. Now, for the performance…

Lucy Lawless with Michael Bolton, “Time Love and Tenderness”

Lucy chooses to start her number one of those poses left over from The Swan, which instantly multiplies the cheese factor by three. I cannot fight the snort. But Lucy starts singing and we see that she has a nice voice on her! Michael strolls out and joins her, and sleepwalks through his part. By the time they sing together, it never registers past nice. Lucy’s pitch, a tenuous thing to begin with, goes completely haywire when Michael joins her. My immediate thought is, “there will be better tonight.”

Wayne asks Michael how nervous Lucy was. Michael puts her at ten out of ten. Michael adds she was “nice” and “fine” and we learn he was as unexcited as the rest of us, and he was there! Wayne dismisses him so the judges can have at a still nervous Lucy.

Marie says Lucy had guts to go first. But she could have related to Michael a bit more. Little Richard says he liked her, but she could have projected a lot more, because “look at her! My my my. I was born at night but not last night!” If you have any idea what that meant, let me know. David agrees that Little Richard is babbling. To Lucy, he says she couldn’t have picked a better song. (Really?)

Alphonso Ribeiro says he’s learned in his career to always give 100%, but he wasn’t sure how he was going to deal with his duet partner. He sure seems happy about who it is, though…

Alphonso Ribeiro with Michelle Williams, “I Knew You Were Waiting”

Alphonso is in rhythm from the very start, nailing every note George Michael originally sang, and Michelle Williams from Destiny’s Child (with Beyonce around, you know Michelle basically sang the hooks), does a pretty reasonable Aretha Franklin. Together, they are terrific! Alphonso does remember to look her in the eyes while he’s singing, while giving plenty to the audience. Nice, nice job.

Wayne asks if Alphonso can be a Destiny’s Man-Child (they broke up, Wayne!). Michelle notes a lack of stilettos (she is taller than he is in heels), but says he was very good.

The judges agree. Marie says that was a duet, and Alphonso set the bar for the night. Little Richard claims to have known Alphonso since 1957 or something, but says he didn’t know Alphonso could sing like that. He’s very good. David says he wanted to hate him, but Alphonso can really sing. He’s not sure about the dance moves, but he can sing!

Carly Patterson is an Olympic champion gymnast and she says all she knows how to do is train. She’s accomplished everything she wanted to as a gymnast, and thinks she can do the same with her voice. Her superstar is someone she’s listened to on the radio and she can’t believe this is happening. She’s ready to start right now!

Carly Patterson with James Ingram, “Somewhere Out There”

Somewhere out there, Carly had a better night. For a gymnast with such amazing tricks, her voice has none at all. James Ingram, champion that he is, does his best – effortlessly harmonizing with her mildly off-key warbling to help get them both in the pocket. It almost works. At one point, he lets her take it, but she’s like a kid on bike who still needs training wheels. Yikes.

James says she had great work ethic in the studio. That’s as good as he can get. Judges? Marie says this situation is most alien for Carly, just have a little more fun with it. Just relax a little. Little Richard says she got more confident when James joined her, and believes that she can and she will. David thinks she could do well in the competition, but she will have to do better than she just did.

Cheech Marin says he’s had to sing in character, which usually meant badly, and now he gets to sing in key. He hopes. Cheech says he is singing with one of the best-selling artists of all time. He knows he’ll have to bring it.

Cheech Marin with Peter Frampton, “Baby I Love Your Way”

Cheech looks sooo nervous! Given a song that is not demanding on the vocal chords at all, Cheech still struggles a bit with his pitch and his phrasing. Being joined by Peter Frampton doesn’t help, since Peter plays with the pocket and his own phrasing, making Cheech look even more like an amateur. Thanks a lot, Peter.

Wayne asks how Cheech ranks with all of the other people Peter has dueted with. Peter gives a great political answer that no one will remember – it is perfect. Judges?

Marie says Cheech must be careful with his phrasing. Little Richard says he didn’t know Cheech could sing, and doesn’t think Cheech knows either. Cheech doesn’t sound sure. “You need to put up the mustard and ketchup!” is Richard’s verdict. David says Cheech (clearly) doesn’t have the best voice in the world, but he makes David smile.

That smells like doom, Cheech!