Celebrity Duets, September 8: The Second Cut Is… Pretty Deep

Wayne Brady welcomes us to a “results show like no other.” Tonight, one of the seven remaining celebrities is heading home.

But first (I love Julie Chen!), a recap of Thursday night’s show. Then, a group number! The seven celebrities do a spirited “One Way Or Another.” Cheech and Carly are so outclassed, but it is entertaining!

Let’s say hello to the judges – Marie Osmond, Little Richard, and David Foster. Marie says her favorite moments were Clint Black playing harmonica and Wynonna singing. Wayne says Wynonna was scary. Marie says she wasn’t scared. Wayne quips, “when I think of ghetto-tough, I think Marie!”

Little Richard says his favorite moment was seeing “that lady’s” Tina Turner legs, but not the Tina Turner voice – Wayne interrupts him to ask if that was a backhanded insult. Little Richard says he doesn’t use the backhand, he uses the fronthand! My eyes. Richard adds he liked Brian McKnight.

David says he also like Jai and Brian McKnight.

The celebrities will sing another duet with their superstar tonight, and then find out if they are in the bottom three. Yesterday, I predicted Lea Thompson, Cheech Marin, and Carly Patterson will be at the bottom of the heap.

We see some footage of Lucy Lawless working with Kenny Loggins. She learns he is a taskmaster, but she enjoyed herself. Lucy performs “Footloose” with Kenny Loggins. She seems even more at ease with Kenny than she did last night! Some of the fringe on her dress gets caught in Kenny’s guitar at the end, but they untangle quickly. Lucy says she would like to survive another week. Wayne reads her results.

She’s safe!

Carly says she knew as soon as she met Anita Pointer (it’s like she hasn’t aged a day in the last 20 years!!), they would work well together. Anita says Carly has guts. Indeed. Together, they perform “Jump.” There are moments where the harmonies are pretty nice, but whenever Carly sings alone, I just wince. Wayne reads her results.

Carly learns she is in the bottom three.

Wayne asks the judges if they are surprised by the results so far (of course not!). Marie says she isn’t surprised and veers off to talk about the horn section. Little Richard says he “expected” to see Carly go home tonight. Wayne reminds Richard the show isn’t over yet. Richard gets all flustered and hopes he said it right (I think Richard just blew the reveal). David chides Marie for taking too long with her comments again, and Richard for being incomprehensible, and finishes with “no.”

Alfonso Ribeiro likes singing with Jeffrey Osborne, but has trouble with all the lyrics. He thinks “Stay With Me Tonight” is the “wordiest song ever!” (Hmmm. Maybe if Alfonso does “We Didn’t Start the Fire” with Billy Joel, or “It’s The End of the World As We Know It” with Michael Stipe, he might rethink that one.)

With Jeffrey, Alfonso sings the allegedly wordy “Stay With Me Tonight,” and it’s Jeffrey who seems a bit off! It sounds like he missed a cue, or was surprised by something and his breathing is off. Alfonso completely outsings him in the first set of lyrics! Jeffrey pulls himself together and by the end, they look like a couple of pros! Wayne reads Alfonso’s results.

Alfonso is safe!

Clint says he’s honored to sing with a comedy legend like Cheech, but the song choice is a little skeevy for him. He’s used to singing this song to his wife. Together, Cheech and Clint sing “Spend My Time,” but Cheech is flat as a board. Even Clint can’t save him. Flat as the proverbial pancake. Wayne reads Cheech’s results.

Cheech is in the bottom three. Wayne comforts Cheech with, “you’re still here… until you’re not.”

Jai said he had fun with the two women he sang with last week, but he was intimidated by Brian McKnight. Brian tells him to relax and take it wherever he wants. Together, they sing Earth Wind and Fire’s “Shining Star.” Huh? I’m betting clearances for Brian’s songs must have been a hassle. But it’s a clever song choice! Jai does Philip Bailey’s high parts and together they are excellent! Wayne reads Jai’s results.

Jai is safe! That means either Hal Sparks or Lea Thompson is in the bottom three!

Lea was thrilled to learn she was singing with Belinda Carlisle. Belinda thinks Lea would have made a good Go-Go. (If you ever saw the Behind the Music on the Go-Gos, you should be horrified at the notion!) Belinda and Lea take on “I Get Weak” and Belinda oozes through it like she always has, while Lea sounds like a Chihuahua yapping at Belinda’s ankles. Gawd. Wayne tells Lea… she has to wait to find out her results.

Wynonna says she was nervous about singing with Hal, since she’s only had one duet partner throughout her career. (What? She’s sang duets with other people!!). She thought it was like a blind date. In the end, she says they are both rock stars in their “own minds.”

Together, either Wynonna misses her cue on “No One Else On Earth” or her mike was out. She does plenty of vamping, and Hal is a bit screechy again. He’s doing that zero to ten thing again. Take it easy, Hal. They are entertaining, but a little tough on the ears, I gotta say. Wayne brings out Lea to find out whether she or Hal is in the bottom three. The unlucky celebrity is…

Lea.

(Wooo! Nailed it! Just as I predicted it!)

Lea is joined by Carly and Cheech at center stage. Wayne is prepared to send someone back to couch, Idol-style. Carly is safe! (What??) Wayne asks for the envelope announcing who is leaving (he reminds us they are singing for charity money, “it’s not like they are going to die!”). That envelope is delivered by Toby Keith! What the --?

Toby is going to sing a song. Argh. I’m too annoyed to tell you what he sang or who that woman is singing with him. Get on with it!!

The person leaving tonight is… Lea Thompson. I’d love to tell you more about that, but the show ran long and my trusty TiVo didn’t!

Wow. I thought Carly or Cheech would be out for sure. I didn’t think Lea was as bad as those two by any stretch of the imagination. But, America, you have spoken.

Can Carly continue to improve? Will Hal stop screeching? How long will Cheech’s charm keep him alive? And, can anyone stop Jai or Alfonso from winning?

Let’s find out next week!

Sting7 has been a respected published writer for many years, as a music editor, entertainment critic, columnist, and interviewer. He also has a curious love for pro-wrestling! You can email Stinger at stingseven@yahoo.com.

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