Celebrity Fit Club, Episode 5: Oh Say Can Busey...

Previously on Celebrity Hissy Fit Club, Angie mentally (and almost physically) collapsed during Fit Camp. The entire show nearly collapsed when Vinny's complaints about the weight loss targets and Angie's condition sparked a huge meltdown full of screaming, sniping, and threats to quit.

This week kicks off where last week (or rather two weeks ago) left off. As Angie remains emotionally distraught backstage, the seven other celebrities discuss the situation without much progress. Tina meets Angie backstage, with Erika following soon after. The two actresses try to get the soul singer back to an emotional normal, with Tina asking Angie to lay off the excuses. Angie is still adamant about her perceived heart problems. Meanwhile, Nick tries to explain the situation more to Vinny, with very little success.

Angie is still complaining about the spa prize that supposedly sparked this entire fiasco. Tina admits that everyone has their own struggles, including Tina herself with the swimsuit. Angie finally agrees to come back to the show, but warns that one more nasty situation and she is out. Plus, she will need testing in order to know if she can continue physically. The entire mood of Fit Club is too low to continue, meaning no TUSHIE this time. Even though Nick and Erika did not CWAP in, we learn that both lost three pounds and received four-pound targets.

The FatCrushers enjoy their Fit Camp prize of a spa getaway in Palm Springs. Aqua therapy, massages, yoga, and delicious nutritious food welcome Blue Captain BoneCrusher, former red captain Carnie Wilson, former NYPD Blue star Nick Turturro, and lovely-in-any-color Erika Eleniak, complete with daughter Indyanna. Despite the awesome-looking prize (now that I have a job, maybe I can afford a spa trip), the celebs in blue are still feeling blue about the meltdown the previous day. Erika compares Vinny's ranting to "Groundhog Day on crack." I like Erika. It hasn't reached Kelly LeBrock levels of worship yet, but I still really like her.

Meanwhile, Hot Buttered Soul desperately needs some spiritual Band-Aids. Thus, Fit Club sent the red-in-the-face red team to Piru, California, for some love, Native American style. Bob Primeaux, a Standing Rock-Sioux medicine man, introduces a special guest. Can you guess who pops out of the tepee? I'd give you a hint, but VH1 was kind enough to drop about ten thousand. Rather obvious hints, too.

Anyway, it's Season 2 Fit Clubber and everyone's favorite nutcase, Gary Busey! Gary discusses FAILING, which means Finding An Important Lesson Inviting Needed Growth. As much as I love and abuse acronyms, ouch. Gary calls all four red teamers winners, and then says, "Winners do what losers don't want to." Okay, I'm writing that one down. Gary also says, "If you're in a losing position with yourself, you might as well leave the show." Did I just see a few Foreshadowing Fairies sprinkling some Drama Dust on Angie? Or was that some of Gary's "Victory Juice?" And isn't that made by Sobe?

Bob and Gary present the team with Native American chokers designed to heal their spiritual wounds. Do they go with blue flannel? Tina is especially proud to meet Gary because his arms and spirituality remind Tina of her late father. Heartwarming hug alert! The White Cloud Singers play an inspirational song, although Gary's dancing is less than inspiring. And his screeching is a little loud, but as long as no one is hurt, I say go crazy! JELLY DONUT!

Angie learned from the experience not to lose her cool. Did I just see a few more Foreshadowing Fairies sprinkling some more Drama Dust on her? So even though the team did not win the Fit Camp challenge, they still won something just as, if not more, important.

It's Day 65 now. Host ANT, diet expert Dr. Ian Smith, psychologist Dr. Linda Pachydermatitis, or whatever it is, and drill sergeant Harvey Walden IV are back as well, and all seems right in the world of Celebreality. Did I just see a few more Foreshadowing Fairies sprinkling some more Drama Dust on the proceedings?

Here are the current stats of the celebrity teams for easy reference:

THE FATCRUSHERS

BoneCrusher: 397 lbs. at previous weigh-in; total weight loss 27 lbs.; current target 8 lbs.

Carnie Wilson: 174 lbs. at previous weigh-in; total weight loss 14 lbs.; current target 5 lbs.

Nick Turturro: 163 lbs. at previous weigh-in; total weight loss 12 lbs.; current target 4 lbs.

Erika Eleniak: 140 lbs. at previous weigh-in; total weight loss 12 lbs.; current target 4 lbs.

HOT BUTTERED SOUL

Tina Yothers: 173 lbs. at previous weigh-in; total weight loss 20 lbs.; current target 4 lbs.

Vinny Pastore: 259 lbs. at previous weigh-in; total weight loss 15 lbs.; current target 6 lbs.

Angie Stone: 211 lbs. at previous weigh-in; total weight loss 15 lbs.; current target 6 lbs.

Ted Lange: 171 lbs. at previous weigh-in; total weight loss 18 lbs.; current target 3 lbs.

BoneCrusher is the first to step on the CWAP tonight. This means the other seven have to follow Crusher's massively impressive 11-lb. weight loss, bringing the rapper down to 386 lbs! Dr. Ian is proud of Crusher since most people like Crusher would have given up diet and exercise and resorted to surgery. Carnie Wilson, who has had gastric bypass, is so not happy with Ian's sentiment. She believes Ian's comment was "irresponsible" and "ignorant." I believe those were Foreshadowing Fairies I saw before!