America’s Next Top Model 7, Episode 1: I’m Not A Stripper, I’m An “Entertainer”!

So now it’s time for Tyra, Mr. Jay, and Ms. J. to narrow the field to the final 13. They all agree that Megg isn’t their favorite, and that she’s a bit all over, but they love her nude photo. Leangela had a great photo at the airport, but her nude photo needed more expression. Megan has a powerful story, but they worry about her proportions. Caridee has the personality, but her hair was freakishly weird. (I added the freakishly.) Eugena is wrong in some photos, but so right in others. It’s confusing! Melrose is looking a bit “late ‘80s” according to Ms. J., but Jay Manuel says that’s coming back.

Christian understands the art of posing, but still didn’t show her neck. Brittany is just a big question mark for everyone. Jaslene is called “Cha Cha” by Mr. Jay, and they are really having issues feeling her. Ginger has the face, but the fact that she was unwilling to take nude photos really turns the judges off. Evita is beautiful, but she is looking vacant, while all the judges feel A.J. is a canvas, and they love her skin. At this point, I’m thinking that A.J. is a lock.

Anchal is looking more like a Ms. World winner than she is a model, but Tyra think she is so pretty. Ms. J. feels that Jaeda is looking “special” but she photographs well. Mr. J. thinks that she is more masculine that HE is. That’s not saying much, Jay. I think a fluffy male poodle in a pink dress with frills is more masculine than you are. All the judges like Becky, but feel she is a bit too safe, while Monique has a look that can book it all! While the judges feel that Michelle is wavy, they think Amanda is very “plain Jane,” but in a good way!

So the girls are gathered on a big platform, and in rows, unlike the one big line they usually get in. Tyra says it has been a long week, but they have picked the thirteen girls the will move into the house. The first name called… is Melrose! Melrose is followed by Jaeda, Michelle, Eugena, and Brooke, who is about as happy as I’ve ever seen anyone to get picked to move into the house. I officially love her! I can’t believe I pegged her as boring! She actually breaks out into another rap – I love it – she’s like a stripped down version of Buckwild from Flavor of Love 2! Na, she’s not that fake-ghetto. Anchal is called next, who definitely can’t believe it, and she’s followed by A.J., and then Christian, who does more Tyra posing. Okay, we get it.

Megg is called next, and goes crazy – it looks like she is having a seizure, but she’s just happy. This girl is nuts. Megan is the next girl called, followed by Caridee, who breaks down on the steps. Amanda is called, and Michelle breaths a huge sigh of relief, as Tyra tells them that they both did a great job. There is only one name left, and the last girl called… is Monique, who jumps up and down and cries. She says she was never picked for anything, and Tyra tells her that light skinned girls all over are looking at her now saying how beautiful she is. Of course, we have to say goodbye to the girls not picked, so as Tyra gives them a hug, let me say goodbye to the five girls that we got to know who are being sent home:

Evita, even though you are pretty, let’s be real about this – you have two kids at home that need you, and their father isn’t around. Stop being selfish and when he gets home, apply again! Goodbye!

Jaslene, seriously, you look like a dude. You need to hook up with Cyndel and become an “entertainer.” It’s your calling, dude! Goodbye!

Becky, I actually liked you, and was disappointed to see you go, but let’s be real about this – you wouldn’t have made the cut. You were too boring. Goodbye!

Leangela, of the girls cut, I wish you would have made it the most. I liked you, and you should have been called over Megg or Eugena. Goodbye!

Ginger – I won’t miss you at all. In fact, I’m glad you were cut and it should have been sooner. Now you can take your closed-minded a$$ back to where it came from, you can stop passing judgment on everyone and learn that there is a difference between being nude and modeling and being nude and being an “entertainer.” I couldn’t be more happier to say – goodbye!

Okay, with all that unpleasantness out of the way, it’s time for the other girls to rejoice! However, not before we hear Evita say that she put her life on hold to be there and is disappointed to be sent home. Anyway, the girls moving on have a big group hug and do more twirling. Anchal says that she would get naked again, since she is so happy, and annoying Megg screams like a banshee again. How long is it going to take for EVERYONE to be as sick of her as I am already?

We reconvene with the girls a few weeks later on Hollywood Blvd. Ms. J. greets the girls in some kind of studio and congratulates them. He says that they will each be strutting their stuff on the runway, and in front of some guests, who are apparently Elmer Ave., clothing designers. They introduce the girls to 13 of their male models, each wearing one of their outfits. Each girl must choose a man and make a woman’s outfit from it. Remember: feminize and make it look good!

So the girls are set loose, screaming like babies. Jaeda admits that she went for the first hot guy she saw, while Melrose says that she looks for something that can be changed into something feminine, instead of going straight for the hot guys. Megg feels she might have an advantage, since she’s used to this kind of stuff. Eugena admits to knowing nothing about rock and roll, and prays she is doing what’s right. So now, it’s time for the show!

I’m not going to sit here and tell you what ever girl looked like, but here are some of the highlights: A.J. really worked her outfit. Amanda tried, but it’s not working for me. Anchal admits that she was nervous on the stage and knows she needs confidence. Brooke really worked it and Caridee is too “mom” for me. Christian loves the runway and says it is her specialty, while Eugena doesn’t look bad at all for not knowing what she’s doing. Megg does the rocker head banging thing and Melrose is a bit over the top with her walk. Michelle almost falls and you can see Ms. J. winch.

The girls finish up and meet with the judges. They are told that some were excellent and others missed the mark, however, everyone agrees that the winner is – Melrose! Wow, and I thought her walk was over the top! She is told that there will be a great prize coming up for her in the future, but Melrose is just happy that she won!