Survivor: Cook Islands, Episode 2’s Missing Intelligence Awards – Billy, Don’t Be A Zero

This week brought some interesting interactions to the latest Survivor, so before we jump right into the rewarding of the MIA, let’s chat a bit, shall we? Of course we shall. It’s my column, and I’ll chat if I want to!

First off, a special raspberry to the Hiki tribe, who, it appeared, almost lost the immunity/reward challenge despite a team actively trying to lose it! You four have to pull it together or else you’ll quickly be absorbed. Well, probably not. We’ve had two whole episodes with the split tribes. I’m sure it’s merge time now, because God forbid you actually let it ride even longer and see how hard it can get!

The next raspberry goes to Cristina on the Aitu tribe for being so pissy. I don’t know why people can’t accept other people’s strengths and admit their own weaknesses. Cristina dislikes Ozzy for a stupid reason: he’s better than her at outdoor stuff! Sheesh. At this point in the game, you should be thrilled to have an outdoor person who can help you survive. If you suggest a wacky idea for a trap that works in cartoons or with lots of other equipment, and the closest thing you have to an expert points out a better way, STOP WHINING. Don’t worry. Be happy. Seriously.

Yul: More toplessness, please. That will be all.

Well, okay, that’s not all. Anyone else impressed with Yul’s madcap braininess and the idol finding? I was! I expected it, but found it quite nifty. Not to mention catching the chickens. And we saw what appears to be some decent strategizing from him in forming a secret alliance with Becky.

While we’re on the Puka tribe, Cao Boi needs to lay off. I get his point and I totally agree with it. However, you’re not here to enlighten the masses. You’re here to play Survivor, and it’s a social game. If you make yourself an outcast (and yes, Cao Boi, you make yourself the outcast here), then you will be cast out. I like you and your outlook, but if you temper it just a tad, you won’t be headlining my column one of these weeks, ya know?

Oh, and my guess to the answer of the joke we never heard? A restaurant owner. I could Google it, but it’s more fun to guess!

I wonder if Cao Boi’s healing skills could take away my migraines. I’d have a red mark (and speak in a Hindi accent!) to get rid of them. Alternative healing interests me. While I don’t tie in the spiritual stuff with it, I do believe there are more ways to heal than just shoveling down Merck’s latest cocktail with a Pfizer chaser.

Raspberry number three goes to Adam on the Raro tribe, who couldn’t grasp the basic concept that raising a floor is a good thing. Dude, seriously? Oh, and the whiny, pissy attitude just has to go, or hopefully you do. Sand can be wet and cold. Sleeping on bamboo raised up from the sand can protect you from that. And crabs. And other crawling things. And it gives you a sense of accomplishment. And so on.

The problem with having four teams for me is that I don’t feel like I get enough “face time” in their interactions to truly find excellent snark material. Just when I think I can start on someone, we switch to another tribe, and the moment is lost! However, right now, Adam and Candace? Not impressing me. Rollerchick girl? Jury’s out. I do have an acquaintance who is a rollergirl, and I just adore her. She’s so amusing. But this rollergirl is just sending such flashbacks of last season that I’m having a hard time. Thus, I’m going to withhold snark until I’m sure it’s deserved and not just Courtney backlash!

When it comes to Missing Intelligence Awards, though, even miniscule amounts of face time can’t hide those faltering. This week, two are in the running: Ozzy & the Aitus (is that a band or what?) for throwing the challenge or Billy for providing the reason for throwing the challenge.

Billy, you did everything in your power to get voted off. You sulked. You pouted. You lazed around. You whined about not fitting in. Then you sulked some more. The women on Aitu actually tried to pull you in. They gave you pep talks, and they tried to build you up. You, however, were too into “I’d do better on a metal tribe” mindset, and thus, you missed those obvious openings and meandered off alone some more. You even had the arrogance to proclaim to the camera that finding food wasn’t your strength, so you’d just eat what they brought and let them do the work. Again, I must say: dude, seriously?

Ozzy, you threw a challenge. You brought up the idea, and you pushed it. The others went along, but that was a huge risk. Quite often, those throwing challenges to get rid of someone wind up being gotten rid of quickly. It’s seen as detrimental to the team. Survivor may be an individual, social game in the end, but in the beginning, it’s a team game. Ozzy and the Aitus, throwing a challenge is rarely good. You should have gone for the win and the tarps. Pull together and decide you’re voting Billy off the first chance you get, but don’t create that chance! Make him get off his ass if you have to. “We all helped in getting the food. You need to cook it if you want any of it.” Perhaps worded a bit more diplomatically. But whatever you do, don’t throw a challenge!

While throwing a challenge is almost guaranteed to get you the award, Billy managed to eclipse all of Aitu and snatch the Missing Intelligence trophy for himself by declaring love at first sight during Tribal Council. Breaking almost every rule of “What Survivors Should Have Learned” coupled with bizarre love-at-first-sight moments means that you, Billy, wind up at the top of my podium this week. Ozzy & the Aitus, watch out, because you might be here soon if you don’t pull it together.

For a former Marine (wow, do I have a hard time believing that one!) and someone who actively studied every episode of past Survivors (ditto), Billy, you lost your mind and this reward’s for you.

If you haven’t already, be sure to check out these other recent Survivor: Cook Islands articles here on RealityNewsOnline:

Heathyr Fields Ford resides in Washington state with her exceedingly patient boyfriend, four awesome kids, two large macaws, and a harassed cat. She can be reached at heathyranne@hotmail.com.

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