The Amazing Race 10, Episode 3: La Cage Aux Folles

Previously on Whether ‘Tis Nobler in the Mind to Suffer the Slings and Arrows of Outrageous Fortune: Ten teams traveled from Beijing to outer Mongolia, where they rode horses and dealt with something that looked like a yak. Sarah & Peter came in first, and despite Mary’s ankle injury, Kellie & Jamie came in last due to flaming-arrow problems and were eliminated. Nine teams remain:

Peter & Sarah - Recently dating/Sentimental favorites/Good for her for noticing that Peter’s kind of annoying

Tyler & James (Team Zoolander) - Models/recovering drug addicts/Unsurprisingly doing well

Duke & Lauren - Father and daughter/Sentimental favorites/The dark horses already

Tom & Terry - Dating/Very impressive for coming in fourth

Dustin & Kandice - Friends/Came in fifth despite some helmet drama

Rob & Kimberly - Dating/Both kind of need to shut up

Mary & David - Married/Sentimental favorites/She likes gay people, and she’s surprised

Erwin & Godwin (Team ErGo) - Brothers/For the team everyone thought they’d have to beat, they’re not doing that well. Thanks to faithful reader Jamie for the nickname

Lyn & Karlyn (Team Dublyn) - Friends/Maybe now they’ll shut up about Sarah & Peter and start racing harder

The teams are hanging out at the Pit Stop, a temple in outer Mongolia. Sarah & Peter will leave first at 6:54 a.m. They’re told to fly to Hanoi, Vietnam and find the Maison Centrale, a prison known as the Hanoi Hilton. Oh, and they’re not getting any money. Sarah reads that they have to buy their plane tickets at a travel agency. She tells us that her knee is blown out and it’s hard to walk and run on. She appreciates the lead they have because they’ll need it.

Zoolander leave next, Tyler interviewing that they’re happy with the way things are going. They just need to focus on the tasks ahead of them and they’ll do well. Duke & Lauren leave third as Duke notes that a lot of the girls on the street walk arm-in-arm. He wonders if they’re just friends and Lauren doesn’t take the bait, just saying she doesn’t know. Duke has apparently never been to a mall or a high school because straight girls walk arm-in-arm all the time. He interviews that he doesn’t think anything will change Lauren’s sexuality - the only thing that will change is him. She’s a beautiful person both inside and out. Lauren reminds him that they’re going to Vietnam and he mentions that he avoided the war because his number didn’t come up in the draft. However, a lot of his friends had to serve and a lot never returned.

Tom & Terry are the next to leave. Tom says they’re very independent and have only known each other two years. That’s nothing - I don’t think Kandice & Dustin have even known each other a year at this point. Tom continues that trying to make decisions together is stressful. In her car, Sarah reads more of the clue, which says that they can’t beg for money or sell any of their possessions. Now that would make the end-of-the-non-elimination-leg-mugging a lot more interesting. Sarah interviews that they still have $40 American, so they’re in a better position than some of the other teams. Duke & Lauren, for instance, have $11, and Lauren is glad they didn’t spend everything they have.

Peter & Sarah arrive at the hotel where the travel agency is located; it opens at 9 a.m. James & Tyler arrive shortly after. Dustin & Kandice and Rob & Kimberly are the next two teams to leave. Kandice (um, I think) says that if they learn anything on this race, it’ll be to be confident with directions. Dustin interviews that it’s tough to be defined as a pageant girl. For those who are sick of the good attitudes and friendliness, Rob & Kimberly are bickering in their car. Kimberly interviews that if Rob chooses to say mean things, they’ll have to have a talk. She means fight.

Mary & David leave next. David says that he became emotional when Mary read the clue - he’s always followed his father’s footsteps, and his father served in Vietnam. He only shared certain stories because the war was so horrible. Mary doesn’t seem to care at this point; she’s more worried that other people on the road are passing them. He tells her to stop looking at the speedometer. Lauren & Duke and Terry & Tom reach the hotel, followed by Dustin & Kandice. They all form a line and wait until 9.

ErGo leave as Godwin says that he feels he’s already won because he’s seeing beautiful places and doing the race with his brother. At the hotel, there are four ticket agents, and when the clock strikes 9, the doors open and an agent waves in the racers. Either Dustin or Kandice explains that they were the fifth team in line. Tom & Terry walked past an available agent, so she and her partner approached that agent. This makes Tom & Terry accuse them of cutting the line. Zoolander interview that Dustin & Kandice are conniving and are always looking for any inch they can take. I don’t know; I think this is legit. Tom seems to get upset when Kandice accidentally calls him Terry. To be fair, I have to use a cheat sheet for both of these teams to tell them apart. The women say that they were just paying attention. “They are not gonna win a beauty pageant of kindness,” says Terry. Oh, hush.

Dublyn are the last team to leave, a little over two hours after Sarah & Peter. Lyn interviews that they’d love to have the million dollars, but the race isn’t that glamorous. It’s painful, like childbirth. Except there’s no promise of an epidural, and at the end you take home some cash and prizes instead of a human being. But yeah, other than that, exactly the same. At the hotel, Zoolander get on a 1 p.m. flight and are told it’s the fastest one. Rob approaches to get details from them.

ErGo and Dublyn arrive, and Dublyn confer with Mary & David. Once they have tickets, David tends to Mary’s hurt ankle. Mary says that she has to keep going; she didn’t leave her kids for nothing. The nine teams all get on the same flight to Hanoi, so we’re starting off on even footing. Kandice & Dustin get out of the airport first and try to figure out how much they’ll need to pay their cab driver. They’re worried that Duke & Lauren don’t have much cash left. Rob & Kimberly get out in second place and Zoolander follow them. Sarah has trouble keeping up with Peter in the airport. Duke & Lauren get a local to get them a cab and take them to their destination. Lauren is skeptical and worries that the local is delaying them by needing a minute to do something. ErGo get out ahead of them.

Dublyn tries to get a van that will fit Mary & David as well, but no luck. Lyn interviews that David & Mary are sweet and helpful, and they’re being very southern. Duke & Lauren are now the last team at the airport, and when they finally get in a cab, Duke is happy about their local helper but Lauren isn’t so much. Dustin & Kandice’s cab has to stop at a flipped truck, and for some reason they jump out, allowing Rob & Kimberly and Zoolander to pass them. Either Tyler or James says, “Trucks flipped over? Negative. Blondies? Positive.” Shut up, whichever one you are. I’m not even going to bother finding out which one it is.