Survivor: Cook Islands, Episode 4’s Missing Intelligence Award – Get Your Phannie Out of the Fire

My one bitch with this season of Survivor is that the “twist” only lasted for two episodes, a full doubling of last time, but still. And the lack of non-California casting. Two! My two bitches are a short twist, too many Californians, and no footage of Exile Island. Three! My three bitches!

Hmmm, my three bitches. Sorta sounds like a 1950s TV series meets 1990s rap singer sort of deal coupled with a bit of Inquisition, doesn’t it? Just go with me here. Or not, because it’s sort of a scary place.

Anyway, once again, we have people go to Exile Island, but because the idol is found, we don’t see anything of their visit! Come on? Where’s the drama, where’s the angst? I sense black helicopters. It’s not an exiled sort of place at all. The producers are sending pool boys named Pablo and towel girls named Tara to entertain the victims, aren’t they? Aren’t they?! Seriously, don’t you think it would be interesting to see what they’re doing while the rest of the gang is inanely plotting?

Speaking of inane, let’s get to this week’s award shakedown, shall we?

First runner-up? The editors. Yes, I know, you like to sway our opinion of people, but I prefer my drama to play itself out naturally. The whole “let’s show men sitting around doing nothing” bit gets old. If they truly did do nothing, I’m fine with it, but my educated guess is that they went out and fished and got other stuff which tired them the hell out. And the women were at camp supposed to be doing that stuff. It’s called division of labor, and it’s worked for thousands of years. It’s not sexist. Sexist is “yes, he worked hard getting fish, but damn it, I don’t want to be the only one doing dishes. That’s drudge work, and even though I can’t get the fish, I want him to do my work, too, or else I’ll call him a sexist pig!” I get tired of this attitude, as it’s absolutely unacceptable. So don’t manufacture my drama by only showing clips of the men doing nothing and perhaps being a bit bossy (though it was more like questioning/instructor mode in JP’s case). Show all sides of it so we can judge who truly is being an idiot and a pig.

Second runner-up? Cao Boi for the bird incident. I can’t help it, I’m a total bird person, and seeing that little baby broke my heart. Hey, if they were allowed to kill boobies to eat, I’d be fine with it. Circle of life and all that. But to be needlessly cruel because you forgot yourself? Blech. Kudos to him, however, for being humbled and learning from it. And Jonathan, you got teary-eyed, admit it!

Not even on my list: Ozzy. I just wanted to give him his due for his awesome water skills. Running through the water as far as possible was great, and good gods can that boy kick some swimming butt?

Honorable mention? Stephannie for even thinking she could voice that she sucked and lost it for them. Darlin’? Have you ever watched the show? Puh-leeeeze! You don’t win, however, because you did the right thing and scrambled, and not only did you scramble, you pulled it off. Well done.

The ultimate MIA for episode 4 has to go to the women of Raro for voting out J.P. and for the men for going with it (except for Nate). You do have some nicely buff men, but all that buff didn’t help too much at the last two challenges. However, it might cripple you even more for future challenges. Gang up on J.P. later. Right now, we’re still too far from the merge, in my opinion, to get rid of your strength. The men should have stayed together and tried to flirt/strong-arm Parvati to stick with them and axed either Stephannie or another weak link.

Maybe it’ll work out okay, but I don’t think J.P. was the jerk he was edited to be this week, and he totally handled his ouster with class. I’ll miss the eye candy, for sure, but the MIA is awarded not for depriving me of drool moments but for getting rid of strength unnecessarily. When someone puts their head on the chopping block, let them eat cake and then release the blade. Stephannie should have gone.

If you haven’t already, be sure to check out these other recent Survivor: Cook Islands articles here on RealityNewsOnline:

Heathyr Fields Ford welcomes MIA nominations and other commentary at heathyranne@charter.net. JP, if you have a website where you remove your shirt, toss me an email!

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