Project Runway 3, the Finale, Part 1: I’ll Take Some Turtle Poop

I’m going to apologize in advance. On behalf of Bravo that is. Really I don’t see the need to drag out this finale to two episodes. I know they did it for the dramatic hook at the end of the episode (which I will talk about) but I would have so much preferred it to all come down to one night and get it over with.

Heidi Klum comes out with a velvet bag in hand and gives them the details of the final challenge – $8000 and two months to create a 12-look line that will be shown at Bryant Park during Fashion Week. That no designer invited me to. Or offered to make me a kilt. Heidi then says that she has a special guest and Tim Gunn comes out with… no one. Oh. Tim Gunn is supposed to be the special guest. Eh. He’s not that special. Basically it’s just a pep talk from Tim telling them to go out and do what he knows they can do, which means Laura does nothing but neutral toned, severely tailored outfits, Uli goes pattern crazy, Michael will show a lot of boobs, and Jeffrey will be an arse. With that, Heidi and Tim flounce off the stage and what was in the velvet bag will remain a mystery forever.

So it’s a mad packing sequence as the lease is up at the Atlas apartments and they have a hot eight grand in their pockets to spend on crap… I mean pretty flowy fabrics, beads, and shoes (since you can’t get those for free… RIGHT KARA SAUN??). Laura thinks it will be a snap since she’s already producing a line of kids’ clothes right now. All she needs is six more and she can present them at Fashion Week. Being the smart savvy New Yorker she is, she decides that she’s going to walk home while Uli, Michael, and Jeffrey are whisked away via cab while visions of designs are dancing in their heads.

We’re at the really boring part of the show that I’m forced to recap. It’s not that I don’t want to recap it. Okay, so I don’t. But it’s the family visit portion that Tim does after they all go home to see how they are doing, tell them how much their current collection totally sucks, infuse a healthy dose of self-doubt in them, and then leave right before they burst into tears.

Apparently it’s been a month since our designers left the Atlas. Now either the editing of this sequence is totally wrong or the travel director for Bravo really needs to learn a thing about geography because rather than start with Laura, who LIVES in New York City (the same place Tim and I reside), they opt to go to Atlanta first to see Michael and then to New York for Laura then to Miami for Uli and finally Jeffrey in Los Angeles. I mean it should have been New York, with Miami or Atlanta in the middle two slots (they are a bit interchangeable), and then L.A. last. Or in the reverse order. But no. They have to do it their way.

So Michael (aka Brace Face 2006) is in Atlanta and Tim arrives at his house. We just head right into Michael collection. Not much physical progress has been made but there’s a nice series of sketches with a few swatches attached to them to show color and texture. The theme is called “Street Safari,” which I think may be a take-off of the Pam Grier outfit that he did for one of the challenges since we’re just heading right back to the 1970s for this collection. Tim swoons over the designs but cautions him that the looks do not look like they belong together. Remember how they always say that the collection must tell a story and right now his story is Vampire Sluts of the Seventies meets Glamour Chicks of Beverly Hills. Perhaps when they are fully made it will be a different story.

With that, it’s time to visit Mother Knight and the family. We head over to Michael’s cousin’s house for dinner and we are reintroduced to Michael’s mother, who is not in jail for killing Kayne for making her that horrid outfit during the Mom challenge, but we also get to meet Michael’s dad who was in the Army. Michael apparently starting designing clothes when he was nine years old. Rather than be afraid of the fact that their son might be a flaming ‘mo (and he’s not, since he’s reportedly dating America’s Got Talent judge Brandy) they were all very supportive. They kinda had to be since they moved around so much. With some good Southern cookin’ in his stomach, Tim leaves to head back to New York for Laura.

So back to New York City and a visit to Laura, who has a HUGE loft space. I swear you could take my entire apartment and fit it into her loft and have room left over for the rest of my brownstone. Considering that she has four boys as it is and a fifth on the way, they need plenty of space to contain all of that energy. We learn that Laura hails from New Orleans, which explains the twang we occasionally hear from her. She comes from a very arts-oriented family.