Survivor: Cook Islands, Episode 8’s Missing Intelligence Award: “Stupid, Stupid People... Stupid People!”

“Stupid, stupid people.” Heh. I love Shii-Ann. Always. Just had to put that in there. New best line: “Jonathan, getting frustrated by me!” Jeff, ya made me snort port. It burned. But it was worth it.

After a week’s hiatus, I am back with the MIAs! I ran into a wall last week, but fortunately, I’m well padded, and I bounce. Just FYI, I think my pick for MIA last week would have been the entire Raro tribe, minus Brad, for the dumbass move of selecting bread over potatoes. How nasty is bread going to get out there? Yuck!

This week, wow! First off, anyone else sit back and say, “What the freak, did I just hear Probst say ‘jury’?” I’m considering all sorts of possibilities, and I can’t wait to hear what’s really right! Will we have a ten-person jury with the potential to have a tie? Will they stick with a seven-person jury, but not every person from here on out will be on the jury, causing doubt and dissension as they choose who to throw off? What, what, what?!

Let’s jump into my thoughts of everyone thus far, shall we? Of course, we shall.

Nate: Please keep walking around without the shirt. It’s the nicest thing about you at this point. You were all over Stephannie when she talked about losing it all for the team, but you were all over Brad when Rebecca talked about doing the same thing. Dude, puzzles are integral to winning challenges. Y’all won the next challenge based on puzzles, not physicality. Shouldn’t that clue you in that Brad might have a freakin’ clue?! Brad’s slim shady? Homie? Nancy boy? Cut like poop? Gag.

Jenny: More of a non-entity to me. Something about you seems sort of bitchy, but I can’t quite put a finger on it yet. It’s like you could be, but you haven’t been quite portrayed like that yet. However, judging from some post-game interviews, that’s a matter of editing. I believe you rocked the puzzle last week, though, so kudos on that. This week, nothing much to talk about that I noticed.

Adam: Not impressed. I hope someone votes you or Candice off soon, or else everyone will be getting this award!

Rebecca: Why do chesty women on this show forget to bring major boulder holders? I’d have something that held me so tight and secure, you wouldn’t believe it! While my other half does appreciate the bouncing, I just think “ouch” and feel for you. Like I feel about most everyone on Raro, I’m all “meh” about you.

Parvati: Nice eye candy. Cool name. Here’s my other half’s plug for you, Jessica, and Candice to do a Playboy spread. Oh, hell, who am I kidding? He’d like all of you to do it, please. And might I add that I’d like Brad and Yul to be in the midst of all the ladies? Pretty please?! Oh, the game. Right. So far, I’m not annoyed by Parvati, and she’s toned down her faux flirting, and she’s done well in challenges. I’m okay if she makes it farther. And we all know it’s what I think that counts!

Brad: You were my favorite on Raro. Totally. You shouldn’t have been screwed with the puzzle thing, but you never recovered from that thanks to some childishness. Nate. However, you also weren’t very team savvy when knowing what to say, and things like “every man for himself” and “I don’t trust anyone” are death sentences in Survivor usually.

Jonathan: You’re getting played. You got screwed this episode, though. You’re the odd man out in Aitu without Candice, and you can’t trust her to make you a man in with Raro. Total damned if you do, damned if you don’t moment for you.

Candice: Wow. Just wow. I’m impressed with your ballsiness to head over to another tribe. I’m unimpressed that it wasn’t a death knell for you. Raro is dissing Jonathan, but lil’ Candice is flying clean from what I can tell. Interesting. You’re a smart player.

Becky and Yul: You’ve been together since early on, and yet no one seems threatened by that. Is this because you’re both that good and subtle that they don’t see a potential Romber moment? Or is it because CBS did stupid casting, pulling in people not familiar with the show? Either way, I’d love to see the two of you in the final four, so we’ll see! And Yul, keep the shirt off. RAWR!

Sundra: I still don’t have much of a feel for you, but I’m glad you’ve been saved by some good wins and haven’t been given the boot yet.

Ozzy: Let me join the fan club. You seem to get the game of Survivor. You seem to get the concept of surviving. You rock on the challenges. You rock on the providing. You’re one of the more ultimate Survivor competitors I’ve seen, so color me impressed and cheering for you all the way!

Ah, but after all this praise and commentary, hidden among you is still someone worthy of a Missing Intelligence Award this week. Someone’s intelligence went MIA so now they get an MIA, a la Heathyr.

And the winner is...(insert drum roll)

Candice!

Hey, it may work out for you, but you will then be the exception, not the rule. Switching tribes shows so little loyalty to anyone that the odds of others not looking at you skeptically and eventually ousting you for being a mutineer are slim. You lucked out that Jonathan followed you and Brad alienated himself. Now you have a shot at insinuating yourself deep with Adam and sticking around. However, like tossing a challenge, mutinying is just not something I see as intelligent.

Then again, neither is Adam.

See you next week!

If you haven’t already, be sure to check out these other recent Survivor: Cook Islands articles here on RealityNewsOnline:

Heathyr Fields Ford resides in Washington state with her exceedingly patient boyfriend, four awesome kids, two large macaws, and a harassed cat. She can be reached at heathyranne@hotmail.com.

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