Surviving the Cook Islands, Episode 11: The “Filthy, Miserable Rat” vs. the “Lazy, Selfish Girl”

Before we begin this week, I’d like to thank Jenn Brasler for ably subbing for me last week in doing the Survivor recap. I was able to enjoy Thanksgiving with my family while Jenn was slaving away over a hot computer typing about Jonathan doing a double-double-cross.

Speaking of which, this is going to be fun – I can tell just from the previews. Adam, Candice, and Parvati thought they had the game in the bag. They are going to be pissed off! So let’s get right to it!

Indeed, we begin as the players are walking back from Tribal Council. They arrive at camp and Jonathan tells Candice that if it wasn’t going to be him, it was going to be her. She says she can understand, but I don’t believe her.

Jonathan tells us that he switched the game around and, frankly, he’d rather play with the Aitu people and see them win. Yeah, me too. He believes he made the right choice.

Sundra, Ozzy, and Yul talk – she says it took everything she had to contain herself when Nate was voted out and the Raros had stunned looks on their faces. Yul says they’re golden. Uh oh. You never say that on Survivor. Never.

Yul tells us they took a huge risk but he wanted to use the idol in a way to reset the game in his favor – and it worked. Indeed it did. I know some people have complained about the idol not being used last season and still not this season, but Yul did use the idol… without using the idol!

Jonathan and the remaining Raros are sitting around, and Parvati tells him he’s pissed everyone in the game off and she hopes he’s happy with second place. Uh, well, it’s better than fifth, which is about where he was guaranteed if he had stayed with the Raros. So that’s not really much of a slam there, Parvati. She continues, saying he played himself out and she’s disappointed in him. “It’s vile to me. I feel sick to my stomach.” God, and Jonathan is the actor? Parvati’s being a drama queen. Get over it.

Instead, she complains to the camera that she felt nauseous and wanted to throw up all over Jonathan’s face. Then she continues to him, saying he wasn’t going home – but he says yes, he could have been. He explains that if he didn’t go with them, they would have voted for him, the Raros would have voted for Yul, he would have used the idol, end of story. Parvati insists that Yul doesn’t have the idol. You know, she sounds so damned sure – what an idiot.

Jonathan says, “Yul does have the idol. He showed me the idol. I don’t know what you think you’re talking about!” Whoops. The look on Adam’s face is priceless. And Parvati even shuts up! Well, for a second. Then she says she doesn’t trust a word that comes out of his mouth. Maybe, but who looks like the fool on national television right now? One hint: She shares a first name with a minor character in the Harry Potter series.

Jonathan walks away as Parvati tells us she couldn’t control herself – she snapped at him and told him how she felt. “I think that he’s a filthy, miserable rat.” Why? Because he didn’t side with you and get fifth place – or worse, get voted off immediately. Instead, he played for himself. How dare he?!

The next morning, Sundra is showing Parvati how to gut a fish. Jonathan voices over that Parvati had never done or even seen it done – in 28 days! “I don’t know how that’s possible.” It’s easy, Jonathan – she’s lazy. Indeed, Jonathan is thinking the same thing I am, saying, “She’s a lazy, selfish girl.” And he adds that a million dollars would not help her, but would screw her life up. Ah, so he was just looking out for her. I’m sure that will make her feel better.

Jonathan doesn’t only share these feelings with us – when Parvati leaves, he says essentially the same thing about fish gutting to the Aitus.

Cut to Adam sitting around complaining, “The game’s not as fun in this position.” Awww, poor Adam. He says, “Jonathan sucks at life.” Parvati’s nausea has apparently not gone away, as she still wants to throw up.

Jonathan lectures the Aitus about how this is a social game and they all worked well together. Then he came to Raro and saw he was in “the clown house.” Maybe he should have thought about that before mutinying.

No time to think about that more now, though – it’s the reward challenge. Well, not a challenge so much, but the Survivor auction. They each start with $500, with bidding in increments of $20. But unlike past auctions we’ve seen, they cannot share food (though they can borrow money). The auction will end without warning.

First item up for bids is… unknown. Jonathan bids $20. Parvati just then realizes that they don’t know what it is. She’s a sharp one! Bidding quickly goes up and Jonathan ends up getting it for $100. What is the “it” in question? Hot dog, fries, and a beer. And really, at $100, that’s not a bad deal – about what he would have paid at a ballgame.

Whoops! When sitting back down on the bench, Jonathan spills some of his beer! There’s 10 bucks down the drain.