American Idol 6, March 14: When Will I Come Home to You?

Twelve are about to become 11. But first, 30 minutes of recaps, product placement, and filler! Oh, and a performance by Diana Ross. Ryan recaps last night for us. Brandon forgot his words, and it was contagious, as Haley did the same thing. Phil and Gina did… something with love, apparently. Chris Sligh was chastised for making Motown sound like Coldplay, and Blake put too much electronic stuff in his. Stephanie and Chris Richardson went ‘70s. Sanjaya butchered “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough.” Thanks for the reminder! LaKisha and Jordin went softer and got rave reviews. But, of course, Melinda stole the whole night and even made Paula cry.

The singers give us a “tribute” to Diana Ross, starting with the guys singing “Baby Love.” Funnily enough, Sanjaya gets the “hurts so bad” line. Brandon only gets about five words but sounds good anyway. The girls then join in, and Gina is the one who impresses me the most. Oh, Jordin, I finally have a complaint about your outfit – NO LEGGINGS. EVER. The group then starts in on “Stop! In the Name of Love.” I’m bored, and the choreographer needs to be fired. Also, just two songs? Not much of a tribute.

Time for the first Ford commercial of the season! The top 12 are dressed as either hippies or hip-hop… dancers? They’re singing Modest Mouse’s “Float On.” The “plot” is about as understandable as most Idol Ford commercials.

It’s finally time to get started with the results. Ryan will invite the three singers with the least number of votes to join him at center stage. LaKisha is safe, of course. Gina is safe. Brandon is in the bottom three. He doesn’t look very surprised. Jordin is safe and gets some whistles from the audience. Jailbait, people! Chris R. is safe. Melinda shouldn’t even have to stand up because of course she’s safe. Phil is in the bottom three. Ooh! Drama!

Chris S. is safe. Stephanie is safe. Blake is safe and looks more like Dominic Monaghan from Lost every week. That leaves Sanjaya and Haley, just as God intended. We won’t find out who else is in the bottom three until after some commercials, a song, a trivia question, an interruption by local news, Christmas, and the 2008 Presidential elections.

Trivia question. Yawn.

Diana Ross enters for her performance wearing a dress made of Muppet fur, I believe. It’s a completely diva-ish, self-indulgent entrance. She sings “More Today Than Yesterday.” To quote Chandler from Friends, her hair is indescribable. It’s okay. I prefer the songs she did with the Supremes. At one point she hitches up her dress and tries to get the top 12 to sing with her. They oblige because they’re hopped up on adrenaline and are getting a free concert from Diana Ross.

Ryan thanks Diana for her advice for the top 12. She says the show is inspirational for young people in the country and she’s happy to be there. “Who’s going home?” Ryan asks. “Me,” says Diana. As we go to another commercial, the camera shows Sanjaya and Haley, who is sucking her teeth or something until she realizes that the camera’s on her. Classy.

Brandon is so smiley, it’s like he doesn’t even realize he’s in danger. Anyway, there are three minutes left, so it’s time for the verdict. Haley… is safe. Ooh, Sanjaya might go home! Everyone cross your fingers. Ryan wields some power by letting Phil go back to his seat.

Finally, the moment we’ve all been waiting for. The first person out of the top 12 is… NOT Sanjaya. Oh, holy crap, people. Brandon has to go home? Not fair at all. His dad, I believe, almost gets out of his chair like he’s going to go beat Ryan down.

We quickly head to Brandon’s funeral video, in which he smiles eight million times and breaks my heart. Afterwards, he says he felt blessed to be here and has no hard feelings. He figured this might happen since he forgot his words. We get no sing-out, which sucks. Bye, Brandon! If only you’d, you know, sung better.

Next week, Betsy should be back (I hope) to recap the performances on Tuesday night. I’ll pop in on Wednesday to bring you the results again. Until then, vote smart!

If you haven’t already, be sure to check out these recent articles over at Foxes On Idol:

Jenn Brasler is an Assistant Editor of Reality News Online and an aspiring writer from Falls Church, Virginia. By day she works for a court reporting firm, and by night she’s a spy for a covert branch of the CIA. You can e-mail her at luckyjenn@hotmail.com. Jenn is dreading having to suffer through both Sanjaya and Haley again next week.

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