The Apprentice: Los Angeles, Episode 9 Extras – I’m Ready For My Close-up, Mr. DeVille, Mon

First of all, I want to apologize for missing my recap last week; apparently I had a brain freeze. Luckily, Brian’s Performance Reviews hit what few highlights were there in the first place. Truth be known, last week’s clips weren’t that exciting, but far be it from me to completely shirk my responsibilities, so before tackling this week’s Extras, I will give you a mega-condensed, albeit belated, version of Week 8’s Extras:

Tim thinks James always has one side of his brain on the Boardroom, and the other on the task. (As for Tim, I think 1/8 of his brain is on the task, and the rest is on Nicole, but nobody asked my opinion.) He also feels their team had a good concept, but didn’t have good execution.

Surya boasts a 5-2 record, better than anyone else (his words, not mine). He accuses James of disloyalty “to the nth degree.”

Nicole thinks Arrow isn’t easily led, but they got rid of the kinks. The biggest problem was Michelle. Speaking of kinks, has she mentioned in the last five minutes that she and Tim are an item?

Surya reminds us all that he has a 5-2 record.

Frank thinks Surya is full of excrement.

Surya reiterates his 5-2 record.

Bill Rancic agrees that James has a PhD in CYA. He sees right through James’ 11th-hour tactics because he’s been where James is. He also thinks Tim should not be fired just because it was his idea behind Arrow’s concept.

Surya refers to Trump as “my future employer” and adds that he has a 5-2 record, just in case we were unclear.

James argues with Surya and defends himself against disloyalty accusations.

Trump thinks Tim’s boxing idea isn’t that great, and doesn’t “get” Tim’s explanation that boxing is a metaphor for life. He is also heard to ask, “Do you have some balls?” – but alas, it’s not during the Boardroom, it’s on the golf course.

Surya confirms that, well – you know the drill. Record or not, “He’s FIRED!”

What you didn’t see was Surya’s exit interview, which went something like this: “I’m the best candidate because I combine entrepreneurial spirit with big business knowledge… blah blah, 5-2… I have a strength in relating to people and knowing where they come from, but ironically, that didn’t happen here… yada yada, I was 5-2… James is disloyal, blah blah… Frank undercut me, blah blah, I was an outsider, which played a huge part in the outcome, yada yada… I feel like I let Trump down… yada yada, … there are a few people I connected with, namely Angela, who I trust because of her integrity, and Derek, who was hilarious.” Okay, I’ll admit I took a little artistic license with the “yadas” and the “blahs,” but trust me, I spiced it up. You can call me Mrs. Dash, if you will.

Phew! With that out of the way, we can focus this week’s task, which was to write a webisode: an online commercial for Soft Scrub. Since I’m sure you’ve already seen the episode and/or read Betsy’s recap, I’ll press on, like a Lee Nail!

This week’s Apprentice webisode focuses on Kinetic’s performance, from the initial brainstorming session to the filming of the commercial. We learn that their concept is Angela’s idea, and as she pitches it to the team, Heidi and Kristine quickly jump on board, while Muna is not quite sold. She asks lots of questions, which raises Kristine’s hackles. Taking a page from The Book of Frankie Suits, Kristine mocks Muna by doing the universal sign for “crazy” as Muna is talking. (Or, in keeping with Muna’s penchant for Espanol, perhaps I should say “loco.”) In an interview, Kristine vents about Muna’s micromanaging and says she would love to slam her under the table. Yikes. It’s called decaf, Kristine – look into it.

Now that we have the threats out of the way, we move on to the division of labor. Once again, we see the team agree that Muna would be very valuable behind the scenes, as she is so detail-oriented. Inexplicably, Muna disagrees and suggests she be in front of the camera, and Kristine capitulates. The final part of the webisode is a montage of Kinetic slowly imploding, as scene after scene has to be re-shot due to Muna’s ineptitude as an actress. Way to go on that decision, Kristine.

In addition to the webisode, there are a number of replayed scenes this week. We see Nicole vs. Mother Nature as she tries to take a shower, which is hilarious. We see Tim and Nicole shooting their commercial. While Nicole thinks it’s adorable that she and Tim are playing lovers in their commercial, Tim throws around such phrases as “completely hideous” and “massively awkward.” Granted, he’s not saying Nicole is either of those things; it’s just that the whole “proposal” thing is a little too much too soon. Believe me, the sweat you see on his brow is not from using Soft Scrub Deep Cleaning Cleanser, which I hear, by the way, is safe for all surfaces.

Our next clip is an uncut segment of Arrow in the editing room. As the team watches, it’s clear there are no Oscars in their future, but Frankie seems particularly aghast at what he’s doing on camera. “What was that wave I was doing with my hands??” he wails, the expression on his face priceless. It’s a little Ray Romano-esque, I think. Nevertheless, Nicole and Stefani think Tim looks great on camera, and Stefani adds that when he’s describing the product, Tim sounds completely believable and legitimate.