Search for the Next Doll, Episode 4: Stop Draggin' My Heart Around

Previously on L.A.M.E. Confidential, Sisely got on my nerves and Jaime was sent home. New episode time!

The morning after. Sisely couldn't sleep after getting ripped a new one. Chelsea moans about not fitting in during high school again. You know, I'm not even going to go into Chelsea's back story anymore. From now on, if you see the phrase "Chelsea's past," you know what she's talking about now. Same thing with "Chelsea can't dance," "Mariela can't sing," and "Asia's baby." Speaking of which, Asia's baby.

PCD video. The theme of the week is creativity. Bwaaa haaa haaaaaaaa! I'm sorry, but creativity on this show is rarer than a good performance from Sanjaya Malakar. Sisely is excited about this theme, so you know she's going to blow it.

In the dance studio, Robin has invited PCD Carmit to talk about creativity. She has gymnastics training, which she uses to be creative. Yay?

Time for group selection. This week, there will be two team captains, one leading a group of four, the other a trio. Chelsea is the first captain because Robin want to see her step up. Chelsea is worried. Asia is the second captain because Robin wants her to open up. Asia hopes she doesn't struggle.

Asia gets first choice, which means she also gets last choice. She chooses Melissa R., who you may remember "looks like Asia" according to the two of them. Chelsea wisely chooses Anastacia, though her reasoning is that she wants to know Ana more. Asia picks the other Melissa, which leaves weak singer Mariela and female jerk Sisely. Chelsea hasn't worked with Mari yet, so she picks her. This leaves Sisely as the me-on-the-kickball-field. She believes Asia didn't pick her because she doesn't like her. That doesn't explain Chelsea, though.

The girls will perform disco era songs, and they're excited. Chelsea's group will sing Evelyn Champagne King's "Shame," and Asia's group will sing "Don't Leave Me This Way," now known as "DLMTW." DLMTW seems happier about that choice. True, it is a more well-known song, but I like "Shame."

Shame practices singing first, and Mari doesn't know what a bridge is. Mari doesn't quite believe in Chelsea as a leader. They practice on their own and sound good.

DLMTW are next to practice singing, and need a lot more work. Leader Asia is very tired. Sisely thinks she should have been the leader. Is she eliminated yet? Eric doesn't think Asia is a very good leader. John also says something, which is a first. Asia doesn't want to be the mean girl. Don't know what this has to do with anything? Oh, you'll see...

It's dinnertime. One of the Melissas doesn't think she is sexy. Someone else says something else. Sisely says Asia dances like a drag queen.

WHOOOOOOOA! What that something interesting? Well, not really, but at this point, I'll take anything. Anyway, there's an awkward silence first, then maniacal laughter by all. Except Asia, of course. She just wants to knock her out like Laila Ali.

Every time I think, "Why the swear word did I take this gig?" or "Is this show over yet?" I remind myself that I could have recapped Are You Hot? This show seems so much better then.

DLMTW practice in front of Robin, who is not impressed. Asia still has the drag queen comment going through her head, and she doesn't like performing with such a nerve-grater. She tells Robin about the drag queen comment. Sisely tries to spin it her way. Robin just wants a fearless and open girl in her group. Which is why she sent Brittany home. Another theory came in this week, this time pertaining to suspected fake boobs. The theory is that Brittany isn't famous enough for silicone, so she had to go. Besides, there is very little dude power on this show.

Back to the show, Asia breaks down in tears, and Robin comforts her. Segment over!

Shame practices with Robin, and are honestly really good. Ana sounds great, if a little like a Champagne King clone. Robin likes their synergy. Chelsea thinks they have an advantage due to DLMTW's internal conflict.

Asia calls all the girls to the living room to get something off her chest. No, not fake breasts, gutterbrain. She spiels about drama and not wanting to fight anymore. Sisely still sounds like a jerk. After the circle, Sisely also breaks down for some reason. Remember, Tyler, this isn't Are You Hot?

DLMTW still isn't performing well. After the circle dilemma, Asia finds her leadership and attempts to find the perfect chord on the last note. She seems to succeed. Sisely, however, is failing badly. Pointless talking.

Robin calls all the girls to the studio. First, PCD Ashley comes in and talks about sexy creativity. The key words in her spiel are "natural" and "challenge." The challenge is to choreograph their own dance routine. Mari wins the challenge... Oops, getting a little ahead of myself. I forgot to tell you about the guys.

That's right. Seven men will dance with the seven man-starved PCDWBs. Each girl must teach their partner a sexy routine. The sexiest and most creative routine will earn the girl immunity. If a Shame girl wins and Shame loses, that leaves only two girls in danger. Eep.

Melissa S. wants to show that she can be sexy. Mari wins the challenge... I mean, she comments on the chemistry between her and her partner. Chelsea can't dance. Sisely needs to win this challenge or else she's going home. That's my prediction.

Sisely & Auggie perform first and do well enough to have me worried. Ana & Sean and Asia & Nick are mediocre. Sisely still thinks Asia dances like a drag queen. There should be a TV that lets you smack anyone on the screen. Melissa S. tries to be sexy with Anthony, but bores Mikey. Melissa R. & Chris are flirty. Mari & Black win, but I gotta wonder if Black's last name is "Mann." A natural name so ironically generic would be awesome. I wish my name was "Tall Dude." Chelsea gushes over Mari's dance. Speaking of Chel, she and Quon really surprise. She may not be the best, but she does much better than I thought she would. The two also kiss, which worries Chelsea.