Search for the Next Doll, Episode 6: The Theme is Style

Previously on I Can Dance, but I Can’t Sing, one of the Melissas won a challenge in Vegas by shaking her hips, while the other Melissa cried during her elimination performance. Anastacia couldn’t fit into the outfit, so she ate all of her dessert. You go, girl! Asia went through PMS, and Chelsea was a PMC (Pretty Mean Contestant). However, it was Mariela, the fantastic dancer with a Sanjayan voice, who hung up her boa.

Last week, I employed a new “individual” style of recapping, and then asked for feedback. As it turns out, I received no negative comments! Okay, I didn’t receive any comments, but I’ll spin it my way and keep the style another week. Eat your heart out, Rush!

THE EPISODE

The morning after Mariela’s elimination, the final five get another PCD video. Skipping all the uselessness (though if I did that for real, this recap would be one paragraph long), this week’s theme is “style.” This means the girl with the most style will probably get eliminated. Also, will the theme ever be “substance?”

The girls meet Robin and Mikey in the studio. This week’s PCD visitor is Melody, who one PCDWB in particular worships. Melody gives her uselessly generic speech about “style” and then it’s time for assignments.

Or not. The girls will not learn what the elimination songs are for a while. The challenge is the first piece of business. The girls will go to CD USA to dance back-up during “Wait a Minute” at a nationally broadcast PCD concert! Naturally, the best wins immunity. But there is a catch: only four will actually dance. After one hour of learning the routine, the five will dance their routine for Robin and Mikey before the PCD concert, and they will decide who sits out.

The choreography training segment is particularly painful, thanks to Mikey Minden. He complains about girliness, smiling, Ana’s vibe, and how Chelsea can’t dance. Frankly, Mikey is starting to wear on me. Sorry, pal, but you’re no Ms. J. After practice, Mikey gives out some tips, including “remember your cue,” which comes into play later.

The girls board to bus to CD USA, and when it stops, Hammer Time! Er, I mean audition time. The girls dance, and Robin decides. Asia and Melissa R. are called safe first, followed by Melissa S. It’s down to Ana and Chelsea, and after some deliberation, neither will be performing. Isn’t that called “lying?” Robin said four will perform, so leaving two out seems like a lie to me. Still, she couldn’t really have a poor dancer mucking up a concert of her real Dolls, so I’ll let it slide. If she ends up choosing no one to join the PCD in the end, that would be Reality TV Hall of Shame worthy.

Anyway, the chosen three head into CD USA for awe and unoriginal comments. The girls get their hair, makeup, and wardrobe taken care of, and then it’s time for “Wait a Minute.” The PCD perform well enough, I guess. Oh, heck, I just don’t care. We see more of the PCD than the PCDWB. Yay. To thank the three girls for performing, CD USA host Becky Baeling (no, not Bai Ling) gives them designer watches by some brand I’ve never heard of.

The next day, the girls go to the studio where Robin, Mikey, and that other guy await. First, Robin announces the winner of the challenge. Who is it? Check the individual recaps below for the answer. Now it’s time for the elimination songs. The girls will perform as one big group to a medley of “Pink Panther,” which is just dancing, “Fever,” which I misheard as “Beaver,” and “Big Spender,” which I have no comments on. Robin calls it old-school burlesque PCD. In case you didn’t know, the PCD started out as a straight-up burlesque dance troupe. Then they added the singing, and now they are “world famous.” Yay.

The girls have just one day to rehearse the medley. After a day full of vocal and dancing hangups, the girls keep practicing well into the early morning. Even at 2 A.M., the girls are singing and dancing their butts off. Good for them, but sleep is still important.

The next day, they all head over to the PCDLOSS. Prior to and after the performance, the girls repeat everything they have said all episode, so that’s why I’m not recapping those comments individually. The girls get their looks on, and honestly, they look like sluts. Mark McThere. Original concept. Unbelievably, the whole performance is quite good. Help!

Throughout the show, some commercial breaks are replaced by really lame finalist secrets and a super lame Beauty and the Beast thing sponsored by some skin oil thing. I probably should recap it, but since it’s basically a giant commercial, I’ll skip. Yes, I know this show is a giant commercial for the Pussycat Dolls, but one is enough for me.

ANASTACIA

Ana’s personal theme this week is basically “discomfort.” Ana’s first scene has her still obsessing over her weight. She hopes eating more vegetables and less meat will help, along with the departure of Mariela, her “direct competition.”

Replacing the friendly rivalry with Mari is the unfriendly enmity with Chelsea, who accuses Ana of starving herself. After she said that, “a fire went off inside of me.”

As I said before, Ana gives off a “bland” vibe to Mikey. I was wondering if that was just code for “too big for the PCD,” but after watching Ana rehearse, I snored. Ana feels insecure again.

That insecurity seeps through to her challenge audition. I don’t think she’s terrible, but Robin and Mikey, who are professionals, disagree. Ana knows she danced well, and when she gets called out along with Chelsea, she’s confident she’ll get to perform and Chelsea won’t. Unfortunately, Robin changes the rule and sidelines both of them. Ana’s confidence “went crashing.”

In the bus, Ana feels that she’s not getting the PCD style and is feeling the pressure. She’s having a problem with this week’s theme? On this show, that might be a good thing. Sitting on the bus with Chelsea, on the other hand, is like “being stuck in prison with Chelsea as my cellmate.” Somebody call the originality police.

Ana learns about the breakdown (see Melissa R.), but says she should be the crying one since she didn’t even perform. She still doesn’t get the style Robin wants from her. I don’t get anything anymore.

While practicing the medley, Ana is worried her poor performance at the challenge audition and her lingering confidence issues will get her eliminated. She works extra hard to impress Robin.

The medley comes, and I like her, so she’s a goner. She doesn’t dance very much, but when she sings “Fever,” her smoky vocal style shines. She’s such a goner. Ron really likes her, though. Robin believes she looked very uncomfortable. Later at private deliberation, Ana is deemed a unique goddess by Ron, but clumsy and awkward by Kim.

ASIA

Asia’s personal theme is “unseen.” I think we see more of that worthless Beauty and the Beast thing than Asia. Even worse (or better, depending on your opinion of Asia), what she does say has little nutritional value in this episode.

She dances well in the audition. She probably dances well during the concert, but she’s shown so little that I don’t notice.

Asia utters another unoriginal spiel once she returns to the house, and another before the performance. Bo-ring!

With very little air time, not even a performance worse than Sundance Head’s “Nights in White Satin” can send her home tonight. Fortunately, Asia does well. She dances well on “Pink Panther,” and sounds good on “Big Spender.” Kim watches her the whole time and liked it. Ron tells Asia she was off-key. While deliberating, Ron admits he isn’t crazy about Asia’s voice, but Robin knows Asia understood the entire performance.

CHELSEA

For Chelsea, the theme is “improvement.” Note that this personal theme doesn’t extend to her personality. More on that later.

First, Chelsea opens the show missing Mariela. She felt more connection from her than anyone else in the house. Maybe because only Mari could put up with her. Chelsea feels like she stole Mariela’s dream from her. Don’t blame yourself, Chel. Blame Robin for choosing a bad dancer over a bad singer.