Search for the Next Doll, Episode 7: The Four Score with Seven Days To Go

Previously on Big Dolls Don’t Cry, Melissa S. started to grate on me, Chelsea continued to grate on me, Asia was unseen (a good thing), Melissa R. won immunity, and Anastacia, the only girl remaining that I truly liked, was eliminated. Since Melissa R. is the only one left who hasn’t annoyed me (at least not completely), she’s my new favorite. Watch as she gets eliminated tonight!

After the cavalcade of votes – okay, one – on what recapping style I should use, I will be returning to the classic chronological style. While I normally try not to be swayed by one opinion, that one opinion came from the editor. He’s got the power of at least two votes!

The girls return home after Ana’s elimination. Asia is still feeling the burn from the judging and feels she is not in a winning position. Even as they celebrate being in the final four, Chelsea and Melissa S. still feel a bit insecure. They all talk about the difficulty of the last challenge, and Melissa S. doesn’t think Chelsea had it so tough being on the swing because she can’t dance. Oh, shut up. We know already!

The final four get a new video from the PCD. Avoiding all plasticky uselessness, the theme for the week is “being in the public eye.” In the studio, Robin drops info about a commercial shoot, a photo session, and an interview. As for the performances, all the girls will perform solo. Asia will sing “Too Little Too Late” by Jojo, and she doesn’t think it fits her style. Melissa S. gets Norah Jones’ “Don’t Know Why.” Melissa R. must sing “I’m Going Down” by Mary J. Blige. Chelsea receives Christina Aguilera’s “What a Girl Wants.” All four will dance together to the PCD song, “Beep.” As expected, Robin singles Chelsea out as “most likely to have trouble dancing.”

The girls practice the choreography for “Beep,” and guess what? Chelsea still can’t dance. It’s like Donald Trump being an egotistical blowhard. We know already! Mikey keeps beating the routine into her head, and she’s not getting it. He says, “sometimes when they [do that], you want to kill them.” After the Virginia Tech tragedy, you’d think they’d edit that out. Oh, and Melissa S. still won’t shut up about Chelsea the bad dancer. WE! KNOW! ALREADY!

The girls practice on their individual songs with What’s-His-Cueball. Melissa R. has trouble hitting a certain note. John (THAT’S what his name is!) is aware of the pressure all the girls are facing this week. Melissa S., who doesn’t normally sing ballads, seems to be doing pretty well. I actually don’t like that fact. Asia is getting more confident with her non-comfort-zone song. Chelsea can sing well...

But she still can’t dance. While she’s practicing, Asia comes by to help her. Chelsea knows this is a competition, but she still appreciates Asia’s assistance. Melissa S., on the other hand, thinks Asia’s help is stupid, as this is a competition, not a “good person” contest. As I said a few weeks back, on any other show like this, helping others may in fact be detrimental. However, these girls are auditioning for a spot in a group, so helping people in your group (such as the group “Beep” dance) should be a good thing, right? Anyway, shut up, Melissa.

Robin gathers the girls together for the challenge. She wants her new Doll to know how to handle the everyday media circus, so they’re going on a “one day whirlwind promotional tour.” Asia is feeling nervous about speaking publicly. Who wants to bet that she wins immunity? Oh wait, there is no immunity this week. Instead, the prize is a “good one.” Who wants to bet that the prize is really kind of lame and, dare I say it, ANTM-esque?

The first task on this “tour” is a commercial shoot for Product-Placed Women’s Deodorant’s Smelly New Product. Company representative Brent and director Brian introduce themselves, and I instantly forget about them. The girls have thirty minutes to learn the script as well as add something in the middle to make it unique.

Melissa R. says she is good at memorizing things. Who wants to bet she forgets the script? She goes first, and she does better than forgetting the script – she forgets the product’s name, which is on the can she is holding! As much as I like Melissa R. (not that much, but better than the other three), that was hilarious.

Melissa S. thinks she’ll do a good job thanks to her experience with cheerleading commercials. That’s right, she stinks. She stays fixed in one pose and lets the other Melissa distract her by sniffing her armpit. That’s funny, too. Brent says, “ring, ring,” because Melissa phoned it in. That’s slightly less funny.

Chelsea is third to go, and she lets Melissa S. get to her. She doesn’t stink as much as Melissa, but she doesn’t do a good job, either. Brent asks Chelsea to sing part of the commercial. It’s cheesy, but the overall product is better than the Melissas.

Finally, we have nervous Asia. At first, she is sitting down. The next moment, she is magically standing and nails the take. Yes, it was good, and the PCD bit is sure to earn her major brownie points with Robin. Still, I cannot overlook the “let’s make Asia look really good” edit.

The next order of business is the photo shoot. The only slightly interesting bit is Chelsea having trouble. Next!

Finally, Mark McSlightlyLessUselessNow will hold a mock interview with each girl on the set of Mark’s show, Extra Boring. Or maybe just Extra. Asia is first, and though she is still nervous, she talks with Mark well, being open about her daughter. Chelsea’s interview is surprising dull. Melissa R. discusses her doctor parents and their opinions on her PCD dreams. Melissa S. says she has “assets,” and when asked, she would send Chelsea home because she can’t dance. Melissa can hear Chelsea’s reaction from the back room. The pre-commercial break editing suggests a fight or at least an uncomfortable moment between Melissa and Chelsea. Well, Melissa does hug Chelsea, and they argue about it a little, but no one really cares, do they?