Dancing with the Stars 4, May 7: Are You Pondering What I’m Pondering?

Tom Bergeron and his shiny co-host Samantha Harris welcome us to the program. Samantha reminds us that the semi-finals are only one week away. Is it just me or did this season fly by?

Starting off the evening with their first performance are Cheryl Burke and Ian Ziering. Ian tells us that he wanted to do something nice for Cheryl for her birthday, so he gives her a cake with a goober on it. They then proceed to smash cake on one another.

They are doing the foxtrot to “Baby, It’s Cold Outside.” Ian seems a bit stiff. Overall, the dance is elegant, but some of Ian’s moves are sloppy; he does a jump that reminds me of what a child would do. This is probably one of my least favorite performances from this couple.

Len Goodman tells Ian that he took a bit of a dip tonight and that the dance was skippy. Bruno Tonioli agrees with Len and says that Ian jumped too much. Carrie Ann Inaba explains to Ian that he brought charm and exuberance to the dance even though he had problems with his footwork.

Backstage, Samantha tells Cheryl and Ian that their dance was a great way to start the show. Um, according to Len and Bruno, it wasn’t. This is exactly why I don’t recap a lot of what Samantha says.

Carrie Ann gives the couple an eight while Len and Bruno give it a seven. Cheryl and Ian have 22 points so far.

Up next are Kym Johnson and Joey Fatone. The two go to the Kentucky Derby. Basically, he is out campaigning; there’s nothing wrong with that. He also realizes that he has to sell the dances tonight.

They’re performing the waltz to “Always.” The dance is beautiful, but Joey looks a bit cheesy to me. He also has a number on his back as if he’s in a dance marathon. Technically, the dance is excellent, but it’s missing the spark that Kym and Joey usually have.

Bruno tells Joey to stick to razzle-dazzle. Carrie Ann says that Joey shouldn’t hold back. Len compliments Joey on his style and says that the dance was lovely.

Carrie Ann and Len award the dance with a nine; Bruno gives it an eight. The couple has 26 points.

Karina Smirnoff and Billy Ray Cyrus are now ready with their first dance. Billy Ray says that he’s thrilled to have made it this far in the competition. He also promises Karina that he won’t choreography their routines anymore.

They’re doing the foxtrot to “Stand by Your Man.” Billy Ray is trying tonight, but he still comes across as being unsure and uncomfortable. Karina has choreographed some nice moves that he pulls off; they’re not perfect, but he does them the best that he can.

By the way, if I had a butt like Karina’s, I’d wear her dress everywhere… to the butcher, to the circus, to the post office!

Carrie Ann can’t believe Billy Ray is still in the competition. Len says that the dance finally had substance. Bruno says that Billy Ray is deliciously awful and refers to him as crap. Backstage, Billy Ray is not happy. I don’t blame him; it isn’t his fault that he’s still in the competition. He’s doing his best and the fans are voting for him.

Carrie Ann, Len, and Bruno give the dance a seven, six, and five respectively. Karina and Billy Ray have 18 points.

Tom tells us that the next performance from Laila Ali and Maksim Chmerkovskiy are dedicated to Laila’s parents, who are in the audience tonight. Everyone gives Muhammad Ali a standing ovation.

In practice, Laila asks Maksim not to make their dances too spicy tonight because of her parents. Maksim says that is he could tell Muhammad only one thing, it would be that Laila is a dancer. Seriously? I think I’d go for something more scandalous and provocative.

They’re dancing the waltz to “May Each Day.” The music, the outfits, and the dance combine to make a beautiful performance. Laila does a fabulous spin that shows how much she has improved throughout the competition. She even blows her dad a kiss during the dance. As someone who loves her dad more than anything else, I’m moved and have to wipe a tear from my eye. Wow! That was one terrific performance. I can’t even describe it.

Tom refers to the dance as “the moment” of the season. Len agrees and says that the dance was beautiful, and Laila’s movements across the floor were great. Bruno tells Laila to watch her posture; otherwise, the dance was beautiful. Carrie Ann says that dancing is about emotion and Laila provided it this evening.

All three of the judges give the dance a nine. Laila and Maksim have 27 points out of 30.

Up now are Julianne Hough and Apolo Anton Ohno. Apolo says that a person sometimes has to get knocked down in order to improve. He also gives props to Julianne’s choreography.

They are doing the tango to “Jesse’s Girl.” Right away, I’m distracted by the music. I have to give credit to Julianne and Apolo, though; the dance is unique and energetic. Apolo’s moves are crisp, but I’m not overwhelmed by the performance. Oh, and Julianne has a flower of gigantic proportions on her shoulder and it makes me itchy. Overall, the couple does a great job, but I didn’t enjoy the dance.

Bruno refers to the dance as electric and inventive. He also says that he’s excited. Good to know. Carrie Ann tells Apolo that he was fantastic. Len says that the dance lacked passion and drama. Bruno tells Len that he’s losing his marbles. Len tells him to shut up. I can’t believe I’m recapping this.