Fast Cars & Superstars, June 12: “Those Big Men Don’t Want to Lose to Little Old Me”

On Sunday’s episode of Fast Cars & Superstars, actress Krista Allen was eliminated by rodeo champion Ty Murray (boyfriend of Jewel, who will be competing tonight) and skateboarder Tony Hawk. Tonight’s Time Trials feature three new celebs and a new Young Guns driver. And, undoubtedly, more fast-paced action!

Cue standard opening montage, except we see John Salley, Jewel, and John Cena being addressed by driving instructor Corey LaCosta. Hauling celebs out of the track in a helicopter or an ambulance is still undesirable. Good to know! Jewel asks, “So, you come up high when you go around the corners, is that right?” as we see someone crash into the wall. Cute editing there!

Kenny Mayne voiceover. Jewel trash talks the guys. The Gillette Young Guns are here too! Escalating challenges. Competitiveness. Separating the fearful from the fearless. Under the lights at Lowe’s Motor Speedway, 12 celebrities, six Gillette Young Guns, three escalating rounds of competition, two worlds colliding, and one winner! It’s time for Fast Cars & Superstars!

Brad joins Kenny and reminds us what happened last time. You already read about it so it’s old news to you. The same crowd is behind them. Tonight’s celebs are introduced, but you already know they are two Johns and a Jewel. Training them is Young Guns driver Carl Edwards.

Kenny and Brad welcome Carl, who Kenny calls “Mr. Fitness.” Carl can apparently fly his own airplane in addition to being a skilled driver. Impressive! Kenny says Carl likes to do backflips to celebrate, and asks if he taught the celebs that. Carl says if the crowd wants to see it, maybe he can talk them into it. The crowd cheers.

Brad reminds us of the format of the show—Time Trials, Accuracy Challenge, and Finals. The celebs have been broken into groups of three for the Time Trials. Tonight’s group is former NBA great and talk show host John Salley, singer/songwriter Jewel, and WWE champion John Cena, in case you haven’t been paying attention.

Carl gives John Salley some last-minute pointers as he gets strapped into his car, ready to begin his warm-up laps. But first, a Gillette commercial! What a surprise!

Carl tells John Salley how to recover if his car starts to slide. John asks why he had to bring that up. As they start their warm-up laps, we reflect back to John’s training. He looks somewhat skeptical at the idea that he will be allowed to drive a racecar. As they head outside, he says, “Does anybody realize how much I’m gonna win?” Then he asks Jewel if she wants to drop out and asks to see the trophy so he can call home and have them measure his mantle. Heh!

As he climbs into the car, John admits he’s very nervous. John Cena says they could make a two-week special out of John S. trying to get into the car. Ha! He is quite tall. But he does manage to get in, asking where the eject button is. Carl takes him for a spin as John screams. Carl says he was expecting John to be a little more excited by it, and as they return to the pits both John C. and Jewel say they could hear him screaming.

John S. completes his warm-up laps and takes the green flag. He’s only up in the 130 mph range on his first lap. He’s WAY behind Carl too, not drafting at all. Brad declares him “25 car lengths back!” Kenny says, “you could fit several competitors in the gap!” In the turns John is down under 120 mph. His first lap average speed is 125.73 mph. That’s Serena Williams territory!

On lap two, there is still a lot of space between Carl and John. He’s not gaining much speed, never getting over 139 mph. John Salley’s second lap average is 128.76 mph, better but not great. He gets above 140 mph during lap three but finishes with a lap three average speed of 133.33 mph and a total time of 2:05:38. Carl tells him he did a good job as the return to the pits. Jewel and John C. come over to greet him and Jewel asks him if it was scary.

Jewel is strapped in her car and Carl tells her to keep her foot down no matter what. Kenny says Jewel is trying to become the first woman in the history of Fast Cars & Superstars to advance. Well, considering this show is all of 5 days old, that would be an amazing accomplishment! I mean, I’m sure Jewel would start listing that on the cover of all her albums! Or not…

As we watch Jewel and Carl warm up, we see Jewel hold her own in practice. Well, first we see her sing. She says the most danger she gets in is breaking a nail when she plays guitar on stage. The guys around her are all used to dangerous activities, but she is still competitive. She’s never had a speeding ticket in her life, but according to Carl she has “the biggest right foot so far.” And she can drive a racecar 143 mph and chew gum at the same time! And blow a bubble!

Jewel returns to the pits and mocks John Salley’s screaming, then says, “Those big men don’t want to lose to little old me.” She completes her warm-up laps and takes the green flag. Right away she’s racing faster than John S was, well over 150 mph as she heads into the turns. She slows down a bit on the turns but completes her first lap with an average speed of 144.85 mph. Wow! She’s composed and consistent as she enters the second lap.

Jewel’s boyfriend and fellow celeb competitor Ty Murray watches as she blows John’s time out of the water. For lap two she once again has an average speed of 144.85 mph. She approaches 160 mph on the back stretch and finishes with a lap three average of 145.08. Her total time is 1:51:78, more than 13 seconds faster than John Salley! Jewel will definitely be joining her boyfriend in the Accuracy Challenge, and will be the first woman to advance!

John Cena is our final celeb to compete tonight, but we don’t get to see Carl giving him any last-minute advice. They’re off to their warm-up laps, and we’re off to John’s practices. And his wrestling. He looks tough. John C. and John S. had a little rivalry going during practice, and John C. says that John S. can’t drive. (By the way Gillette, thanks for putting both Johns in the same Time Trial. Really appreciate that!) Jewel declares John C. her competition.

Carl says John is totally focused on what he needs to do to go faster. Carl teases him, saying he only went 112 mph. John asks if he at least beat Serena but Carl then tells him he was up over 147 mph. Warm-up laps end as they take the green flag.

John Cena is up near 150 mph right away. He’s drafting very well and climbs up near 160 mph on the straightaway. His lap one average is 144.46 mph. Slower than Jewel but much faster than John S! I think he’s a sure bet to advance.

On lap two, John C. is up in the 150 mph range again but slows down a lot in the turns, and maintains his 144.46 mph average for lap two. He’s slower than Krista Allen, who was eliminated in the last Time Trial round. Krista was robbed!

On lap three, John maintains his speed and finishes the lap with an average speed of 144.89 and a total time of 1:52:02, a bit slower than Jewel but much faster than John S. He climbs out of the car and runs into the crowd to cheer along with them.

Ty Murray and Jewel are happy to be advancing together. John Cena is thrilled to have finished in second place. John Salley is happy just to be alive. And Serena Williams is thrilled to no longer be in last place.

The next episode of Fast Cars & Superstars will air Thursday, June 14, from 8:00-8:30 pm Eastern. Thursday’s celebrities will be Bill Cowher, Gabrielle Reece, and William Shatner. They will train under Young Guns driver Ryan Newman. Will Gabrielle join husband Laird Hamilton in the Accuracy Challenge? We’ll have to tune in to find out. In case you miss it, I’ll be here to bring you every heart-stopping second of the action!

Sandy Lamparello is an Assistant Editor for Reality News Online and a Legal Editor/Correspondent for a publishing company in Washington, DC. She’s glad to see at least one woman advance to the Accuracy Challenge! You may reach her with questions, comments, or reflections on life in general at realitytvjunkie@gmail.com. Ciao!

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