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Last Comic Standing 5, Episode 5: The Last Comics Auditioningby Wesley Rice -- 07/12/2007
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Hello everyone, welcome to the fifth episode of Last Comic Standing. I’m filling in this week while Dale is off doing whatever awesome recappers do when they’re not writing... like playing foosball or eating tacos. You know, something important.
I’m not quite as funny as Dale. I’m kind of like Anthony Clark to Dale’s Bill Bellamy, but with less of a nervous sweating problem. But I’ll do in a pinch.
So let’s just get right into it, shall we? This week’s auditions take place in Tempe, Arizona, land of intense summer heat and world class standup comics (at least that’s what our judges are saying – let’s see if they’re right).
The first comic to come to the stage is Ryan Hamilton. Ryan is that young Seinfeld look-alike that we keep seeing from the commercials. Despite the expectations that arise when a comic is compared to Seinfeld, he is actually quite funny, with some good bits about speed-dating and a Chris Rock impersonation.
Our next comic is Suli McCullough, who comes running on stage. He doesn’t really impress me with some jokes about being skinny, but they ask for him to come back anyway.
The next comic is actually two – Ken Voights and his brother Brady, although I suppose Brady is supposed to be the main comic of the two. It’s not really clear if Brady is mentally challenged or if he’s just playing a character that is, but either way his jokes aren’t really that funny. He’s wearing a little kiddy karaoke machine around his neck which introduces a series of clips of bad dancing comedians.
Next up is Andrew Orvedahl. He makes some mildly funny jokes about car accidents and is asked to come back. Then we get Robin Reiser who tells a rather “descriptive” joke that’s funny enough for ANT and Kathleen but leaves Alonzo on the edge. He decides in her favor though, and she’s asked to return that evening.
Chris Bennet does some jokes about bingo that don’t go over well. Then Lavell Crawford comes to the stage and blows us away with some hilarious material about being a fat angel. He easily gets the go-ahead.
The camera gives some brief time to a definite non-tender waiting in line named Rusta Rhymes. He gives a little rap where he drops LCS4 winner Josh Blue’s name, but then mercifully we return to the audition stage where Greg Warren delivers some excellent Oreo/crack dealer jokes (ahh cookie jokes, it’s like the spirit of Gary Gulman has blessed Greg’s material). He’s asked to return that night.
A fellow by the name of Hippieman comes in with some not-quite-funny-enough material that leads into a segment where ANT proselytizes about the importance of having good material, and we see a few comics with just “okay” material.
Next we have Chuck Roy, who wants to take ANT down (I’m on his side already). He has some decent material about his hairdresser and gets to move on. John Caparulo follows him with some funny bits about big dogs and gets to come back that night as well. That marks the end of the open auditions and we continue on to the evening competition.
Andrew Ordevahl is up first and pitches some one-liners that are just okay. Then he ends well with a gag about birth control in Pez dispensers. A man by the name of Kivi Rogers follows him with a joke about Jim Brown and his love life. Greg Warren then comes out a runs a joke about his friend Huey into the ground.
We then go to commercial, and I finally notice something – there are no more jokes of the day! In the words of Otto, the bus driver, “Thank the Good Dude, we’re saved!” But I can’t leave it at that – oh no! So here’s a joke of the day just for you good folks at home. Note to the squeamish, please skip ahead to the next paragraph. So here it is, Wesley’s Joke of the Day: What’s black and white and red all over and can’t get through a revolving door? . . . a nun with a spear through her head! Thank you very much! Please send all complaints to the following address: email@example.com.
I hope the next group of comics comes across better than the first three, and Ryan Hamilton doesn’t disappoint with more jokes about his looks and a bit about using the word ‘gymnasium’ in conversation. Chris Voth is next, telling jokes about his grandmother. Suli compares Barney the dinosaur to a pimp. And then Lavell brings it home with some jokes about his diabetes. Finally, Cristela Alonzo (no relation to Mr. Bodden) finishes the segment making fun of skinny women who dress up like tramps at Halloween.
Robin Reiser begins the next segment and shares WAY too much about her personal grooming habits when she goes out on dates. Rocky LaPorte follows with some funny stuff about filling out forms at a doctor’s office. Dave Landau jokes about high gas prices versus high orange juice prices. And Jay Larson creeps me out with a bit about beating up some guy in a public restroom.
John Caparulo continues his excellent delivery with jokes about not knowing anything about the president. Then he goes into a bit where he claims movies are better than books (as an English teacher I can’t say I agree with him, but he is still funny nonetheless).
Chuck Roy struts onto the stage and delivers some hilarious material about houses in Mesa, Arizona. Then Brandon Vestal talks about how much he hates pedestrians and wants to be able to run them over legally.
That does it for the evening call-backs. I personally thought the best comedians of the night were Ryan Hamilton, Lavell Crawford, John Caparulo, and Chuck Roy. The judges usually disagree with my picks though, so let’s see what they thought.
The judges picks for the semifinals are:
Wow! All four of my favorites! That’s a change. Plus, one who I didn’t much care for, but I can’t really complain, because I did like his original audition.
And with that, the auditions are over. But what’s with the nine minutes remaining in the show? How are they going to fill that time? Apparently, they’ve filled the time with a really long commercial for the next episode (the semifinals) where they name all 32 of the contestants that are moving on. They do show bits and pieces of some comedy sets, but seeing as how they’re just clips for next week, I’ll let Dale cover those bits then.
So there ya have it. Dale will be back next week. Until then, remember to keep a little Buck Star in your hearts.
Wesley is a writer and English teacher from Wichita, KS. His favorite standup comedian is John Branyan from Kokomo, Indiana. Type in his name and check him out on YouTube. Wesley can be reached with questions, comments, or snide remarks at firstname.lastname@example.org..
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