The Next Best Thing, Episode 6: The Final 10 Is Set

Our host Michelle welcomes us, introduces the judges, and reminds us that the viewers will get to choose the winner from those who make it to the finals. With no further ado, let’s get right to the performers!

We begin the show with Gary Moore, who will be performing as Little Richard. In the audition round, I thought he was one of the best I’d seen. He looked, sounded, and acted just like the real deal. But how will he do tonight?

In an interview, Gary tells us that the misconception is that all the competitors are crazy, but the truth is, they’re not all crazy—like him, he says, and laughs. Gary comes on stage with a lot of energy, dressed in a banana-colored suit and tie with black shirt and shoes. His hair and makeup are letter-perfect.

We see the judges really getting into the performance. They start out dancing in their seats, but after a while they’re on their feet. Not surprisingly, there’s high praise for him. Lisa loves him, and Jeffrey says he’s the first contestant to really rock the house. He tells Gary that tonight, he was “Big Richard!” I think Gary did a good job, but there was only one “Woo!” in his whole performance.

Next is Roger Kabler, who is performing as Robin Williams. He says that when he saw Robin in concert, he felt an immediate connection to him, as if it were him. He can relate to Robin’s mania.

Roger comes on stage wearing a Hawaiian shirt, backwards cap, and chest wig. Ha! While his voice isn’t perfect, he goes in and out of affectations the way Robin does, and he’s all over the stage, making strange sounds and gestures. You’d think it was the genuine article. The judges love him, as does the audience. I would have to say he’s a strong contender at this point.

Our next contestant is Sharon Owens, who’s impersonating Barbra Streisand. She says she studies the movies that Barbra’s been in and she feels like an actress playing a part. She jokes that one of the reasons she started doing the routine is because of the similarity of her nose to Babs’!

Sharon comes on stage, dressed in a black pantsuit and blonde bob, singing the theme from The Way We Were. She is just as dynamite as she was in her audition. She looks like Babs, she sounds like her, and the mannerisms are perfect. Jeffrey jokes that she really put her nose into it. Lisa tells her to come back and sing again—she loved her.

Trent Carlini, performing as the “jumpsuit-era” Elvis, is up next. He tells us he’s been performing the Elvis show since 1990. His goal is not to be Elvis, but to be better than Elvis. Trent thinks Elvis would be really blown away, and he tells us he hopes we enjoy his performance.

Trent comes on, white jeweled jumpsuit, lei around his neck, hair perfect. He works the crowd during his rendition of “Suspicious Minds” and even goes so far as to toss scarves into the audience. The crowd is eating him up, and Lisa says he’s unbelievable. “Look at the ladies’ faces!” she says. Elon thinks he rocked, and says, “Elvis, you just may leave the building… a winner!”

Coming up next is Jim Nieb (not Neeve, as I had originally thought), who is our other George Bush impersonator. You may recall that to portray the president, Jim undergoes hours of prosthetic makeup application. We see a little of this during our interview with Jim. He shares that he was having trouble getting the voice down until his friend gave him advice. He said it’s part John Wayne, part George Bush Sr., and part Baptist minister. Jim’s reaction: “ I get that!”

Jim comes onstage to the same reaction that John Morgan received on the last show: part applause, part boos. I guess it must be rough portraying someone whose approval ratings drop by the minute. Jim does his routine, and it’s a lot like the material he did at his audition. I’ll make the same criticism of him that I made of John Morgan: George Bush is not a stand-up comic. If you’re going to imitate him, it’s not fair to do something he wouldn’t do.

That said, the material goes over well with the judges. Elon tells him not to, as Bush would say, “misunderestimate” him—the material was great, but the vocals weren’t really there. Jeffrey tells him he thought the routine was pretty convincing, especially since backstage, when someone mentioned Iraq, Dubya pointed to Dolly Parton. Ha!

Next up is Julie Ellis, performing as Gloria Estefan. Julie says she’s been singing since she was eleven years old, and since she looks like Gloria, it seemed a natural choice. She thinks Gloria is a terrific performer and a good person who’s given so much to her community. She says she couldn’t have chosen a better person. At Julie’s audition, I thought she was awful, and I was stunned the judges put her through, especially since they passed on people I felt were far better. Let’s see if my opinion changes after her performance.

Julie greets the audience with “Hola, California!” and is dressed in tight black pants and a metallic tank top. She does look something like Gloria, but that’s where the resemblance ends. She sings “Turn the Beat Around,” which is a hard song to sing, and it proves to be a bad choice. By the end of the song she is both off the rhythm and in a different key. It’s just awful, and I feel bad for her. Lisa tells her she didn’t think the voice was up to par, but she liked the energy she demonstrated. Jeffrey says, “Fantastico, mi amor!” I want to know what he’s drinking. Love potion, perhaps?

Sandy Anderson is next, performing as Dolly Parton. She tells us that when she started working, she was working nine to five, and now she’s singing “9 to 5” and she loves it. She tells us a friend of hers was talking about how many more years she had before she could retire, and it made Sandy realize she didn’t ever want to have a job where she looked forward to quitting!

Hello, Dolly! Sandy comes onstage singing “Here You Come Again” and while she looks just like her, with the requisite spangles, big hair, and bazoombas, the singing voice has very little resemblance. She does sound like her when she speaks, but since the bulk of the performance revolves around singing, I have to say I don’t think it is good enough for the finals.

Jeffrey quips that he was talking to Bono, who wanted to know if Dolly would help him feed the world. Sandy laughs but is caught off-guard for a moment, then retorts with, “Oh he did, did he? Yes, I would—in fact, they can come back for seconds!” Jeffrey loves it! Lisa says Sandy is talented, delightful, and bountiful—all the things that are right with America. Elon tells Sandy she was “double D- lightful!”

The next contestant to perform is Paul Ratz, as “King of All Media” Howard Stern. He says that when he’s being himself, he holds back, but when he’s being Howard, he’ll say anything to anyone and he gets away with it.

Paul comes onstage and immediately tells the audience to pipe down. He then says he wants to congratulate the producers for their enormous creativity in shamelessly ripping off American Idol. Yikes—I think that may hurt his chances! He goes on to say that as the King of All Media, he should have been consulted about the show. He proposes that the show be done as such: Take impersonators, and dump them on an island. You make them dance. You make them lose weight. They can lose weight while they’re dancing—he doesn’t care. Nearby you drop off some celebrity bachelors, who will do battle with top models, preferably to the death. He says he would watch that.