Big Brother 8, July 26: Dumbest. Move. Ever.

Previously on Where is Tyler and Does He Have to Come Back?, Sandy Lamparello requested a one-time switch in recapping days with yours truly due to an unchangeable scheduling conflict. Either that or she just wanted to read Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows tonight. Anyway, she recapped Sunday and I’m recapping this week’s Thursday episode.

Previously on One Pill Makes You Larger, and One Pill Makes Mike an Idiot, Dick won Head of Household, and then he nominated Jen and Kail for eviction. Dick and Jen made it to the end of the veto competition. Proving his loyalty to Kail, Mike unremittingly taunted Dick in order to knock him off. It worked, but not in the way Mike had hoped. Dick threw the challenge and promised to nominate Mike for eviction. Which he did.

Julie Chen (isn’t it Julie Moonves by now?) welcomes us to the Thursday episode and recaps what we already know. Let’s get to the good part.

We start the good part after the veto ceremony. With Jen off the block, Head of Household Dick replaced her with Bonehead of Household Mike. Diary room Kail feels bad about Mike’s nomination. She’s already packing her bag. Diary room Zach has no worries about Mike’s safety. Here comes the foreshadowing fairy.

In the HoH room, Dick talks with his possible future son-in-law about breaking up the alliance between Mike and Kail. Dick considers ousting Mike instead of Kail. Nick is all for it. Dick then discusses the same plan with Jameka and Dustin, saying how Kail’s current situation makes her a smaller threat in the long run. After he leaves, Jameka tells Dustin that she sees benefits to evicting either Kail or Mike. However, she’s leaning towards evicting Mike because, as she says in the diary room, Mike as HoH would be a bad situation due to their lack of connection. Dustin also wants Mike to go.

In the hammock, Kail asks Jen if she’s going home. Jen hasn’t heard any discussion about it yet, but advises Kail not to campaign against Mike and vice versa. She says whoever stays will look horrible. Kail hopes that the sentiment is get rid of Mike, as he’s the stronger player. Jen doubts Mike’s strength, since he lacks any serious communication with the other houseguests.

Afterwards, Jen speaks with Mike about the nominations. Mike doesn’t want to campaign against Kail. Jen brings up Kail’s revelation of the alliance to Dick and how much it bothers her. To Jen and in the diary room, Mike hopes everyone saw who he is in the veto competition. We saw what he was, all right – an idiot. Jen reminds Mike about how Joe campaigned way too much and got booted for it.

Nick, Jameka, and Daniele have now commandeered the hammock. Nick tells the ladies that with Kail’s breakdown, her power in the house is weak enough to keep her over Mike. Unfortunately, most of the rest of the conversation is too mumbly for me to understand it. Sorry, readers.

In the diary room, America’s Player Eric gets his elimination assignment – Kail. The mood in the house right now is heavily set on ousting Mike, so Eric has some work to do. He starts with Amber, who also wants to evict Mike. Eric says that Kail has a few moves left up her sleeve, so her eviction would be best.

The “let’s oust Kail per America’s instruction” plan continues in the HoH room with Dick, Dustin, and Jameka. Eric’s pro to tossing out Kail is that if Mike leaves this week, Kail could hang on for a long time. Dick asks Eric to look at the situation from all sides, and Eric says he is. He doesn’t say that America told him to campaign against Kail. Dick heads to the bathroom to... um, let’s just say he stinks up the place without needing the toilet. I didn’t need that, CBS. (And by the looks on their faces, neither did the other houseguests.)

As Eric continues to feed the thought of evicting Kail into their heads, Amber and Daniele join the party. Eric then suggests that Kail could reform an alliance with Zach and Nick, as well as adding Jen to the mix. Overall, it appears that Eric’s point reaches the five of them well. Still, Dustin plans to vote out Mike, since he is convinced Kail can be putty in his hands. Amber has problems reading Mike. Dick, however, notes that Kail was aggressive enough to campaign for his ouster, and she can do it again to any of them.

Time for our first weekly installment of Diary Room Votes That Don’t Say Anything Useful, or whatever they are called. Zach says Kail has played her hand and is ready to go. Dustin notes that giant Mike has the personality of a dead fish, but also plays strong and needs to go. Jessica knows Mike is strong, but doubts his intelligence due to his lack of conversation. She also says Kail is strong, and evicting her later will be tougher. Amber repeats her sentiment about reading Mike.

Julie starts her boring and pointless conversations with the houseguests. Zach is first, and we relive his bold, naked run through the yard. I can hear David Hasselhoff buzzing Zach. Julie wonders what possessed Zach to show off his full monty for all of the viewers, including the uncut Big Brother After Dark. Zach didn’t think his family was watching the show (really?), but he was feeling a bit low, so he needed a high.

Opposite of Zach’s outward personality (and private parts) is shy Jameka. Julie asks what Jameka feels about her more boisterous housemates. Jameka feels CBS has done a great job by filling the house with a variety of personalities. She also knows when to hold them and when to fold them.