America’s Next Top Model 9, Flashback Episode: Déjà Vu

We start out with Tyra calling the semi-finalists to tell them they’re going to the Caribbean for the rest of casting. (Or so we’re led to believe. I’m not naïve enough to be that sure Tyra’s really on the other end of the phone.) When the girls arrive to board the ship, they have to go through a “fashion checkpoint.” Bianca’s beaten-up suitcase is picked apart and Ms. J throws out some of her clothes. An unknown semi-finalist is asked to take out her retainer… revealing a missing front tooth.

On the ship, things aren’t all fun and games. Ebony gets off on the wrong foot with Marvita, who wants to slap her. Victoria gets seasick. Sabrina thinks this could be to her advantage.

At casting, we’re treated to a replay of Janet showing off her bikini-waxing skills. We also learn how Spontaniouse got her name - she was born quickly. She does a kind of dance while telling the story. Tyra tries not to laugh. She recently got fired from Wendy’s, and Jay understands that the heat did a number on her weave anyway. Heather does her awkward, “Hey, pretty ladies… and Tyra” thing. We get another explanation of her Asberger’s.

“But sometimes a pretty face can be deceiving,” Tyra voices over as Ebony enters. Mean! On a bus to… somewhere, Ebony interviews that this is like modeling school, but she’s not here to make friends. There’s always one on every show, isn’t there? She’s there to be America’s Next Top Model and take what’s hers. On the bus, she repeats that she’s not here to make friends, adding that she’ll start memorizing names when she’s in the house. “So corny,” says Bianca. Ebony overhears and Bianca accuses her of complaining about her competitiveness. Bianca interviews that people can sense Ebony’s divaness and fakeness. Ebony says AGAIN that she’s not here to make friends. 10-4, Ebony. We read you loud and clear. Bianca thinks that means Ebony is fearful of things.

We revisit the girls’ first photo shoot on the beach, which Jaslene briefly attends. Chantal won’t let anything stand in her way of achieving her goal. Some girl whose name I can’t remember tries to reason with Ebony, who says she’s too cute to argue with anyone. She interviews that she’s going to do anything it takes to win, even if that means appearing insecure.

Tyra visits the girls in the dining room, where Mila announces that her look will sell clothes. She interviews that people always think she’s a model. Bianca will stay true to herself and where she’s from (though she disses Queens in the process). Victoria wants to win because she’s tired of being the nerd. She shyly takes off her jacket and shakes out her hair. She interviews that she’ll be a role model. The previous winners are beautiful but not as articulate as Victoria would like them to be.

Tyra picks the 13 finalists, saying that they were chosen not just because they took great pictures but because they were vulnerable and told their stories. Or maybe she’s just talking to Lisa. It’s hard to tell. Bianca is “taking it to the top.” Mila… who cares? We know she’s out first.

She girls move into the house, which Ambreal jokes she’s thinking about buying later. Jenah thinks everyone should be practicing their runway walks. (Phil would be proud!) Victoria isn’t that thrilled about living with 12 other girls; there’s a lot of talking, screaming, and running around. Her point is underlined by what looks like someone grabbing a wig off of Ambreal’s head and her falling down.

In a confessional with Ambreal, Kimberly (who? Oh, yeah) says, “Something very tragic but very excited but very not funny just happened.” The screen introduces is to “ANTM Presents: Model Scene Investigation: L.A.” Bianca is now in the background as Kimberly tells us that she was cooking a veggie burger (because real meat is bad - that’s her PSA) when she heard a bang. Bianca, who we can now see is holding a dishtowel full of ice to her lip, ran into a glass door. Ambreal tells us exactly what we can see of her face on the door as Kimberly and Lisa point out her smile on the glass.

In the confessional, Bianca mumbles that the door is very clean. Ambreal tells us to tune in next week to see “who makes an a%$ of themself.” Kimberly questions her word choice and Ambreal assures her they can put that on TV. Okay, why couldn’t they show us these girls’ personalities before?

The first photo shoot is the anti-smoking shoot. Heather has trouble with getting close to Saleisha, but Lisa does really well. She tells us she’s been trying to get her mom to quit smoking for a long time. Mila has trouble with the seriousness of the theme. Back in the holding room, Lisa and Bianca bicker. I don’t think there’s anything new here. Lisa interviews that everyone goes through ups and downs, and you should do whatever you need to do to get ahead.

At the first panel, Ebony is criticized for being stiff. Tyra is so using this clip show to dig on her more. Mila is sent home first. She thinks people will be surprised that she was cut first. However, she had a good experience.

Back at the house, Jenah tries to quit smoking… by throwing stuff at people. She’s trying to distract herself from wanting a cigarette. However, during a swim in the pool, she manages to chip a tooth. She’s already stressed out and this doesn’t help. Janet examines it and points out that the powers that be at the show won’t make her compete with a broken tooth. Indeed, she’s sent to our (well, Cycle 6’s Joanie and Danielle’s) old friend Dr. Falcon, who fixes her up.