Kitchen Nightmares, Episode 6: Sebastian’s

Welcome to another episode of Kitchen Nightmares, the show where, each week, Chef Gordon Ramsay descends upon a restaurant that has fallen on hard times and helps the owners restore the place to its former glory and beyond in less than one week.

We start this week in Burbank, California, home to several major Hollywood studios. Most restaurants do fairly well in this area, but the neighborhood pizzeria, Sebastian’s has fallen on hard times.

The owner is named Sebastian and is a part-time actor, as you might expect in Hollywood. He is quite confident in his cooking abilities and says that he can cook any dish you can name. Plus, he says that he runs a tight ship and insists that everything be done right.

Lou-Bertha, the cook, agrees and says that he might throw pans across the kitchen when he is angry. “Q,” another cook, also agrees and calls Sebastian abrasive. Sonja, the waitress, and Nate, another new cook, agree. I think I am seeing a pattern here.

Sebastian does think there is a problem here. He says that he fires people regularly whenever they mess up. He claims to have fired 49 people in the last year. Wow.

That might not be the only problem. Joy, another waitress, shows us the menu. It is huge. The patron picks from 20 different flavor combinations and then selects the basic meat to go with it, resulting in about a hundred choices to pick from. Actually, Joy is having trouble remembering all the choices without looking at a menu herself.

Sebastian’s wife, Nicole, has invested about $300,000 in the restaurant and unfortunately the place loses money about 90% of the time. Luckily, she makes a lot of money. Unluckily, she is starting to resent footing all the bills and getting almost no return on her investment. Sebastian thinks they can’t stay open for more than six months unless they get some kind of miracle.

That’s the cue for Chef Ramsay to enter the scene. Sure enough, he just happens to be walking down the street and stops by for a visit. He steps inside and chats with Sebastian for a bit.

Ramsay sits down at a table and Sebastian follows him. Ramsay asks if Sebastian takes everyone’s order. He says that he doesn’t, but that he meets and greets every single customer that comes in the door. He even has a glass of wine with many of them.

Ramsay looks confused. He is probably thinking the same thing that I am: “How can you greet every customer and still have time to cook?”

Ramsay then looks at the menu and comments that no good restaurant ever has photographs of the food on its menu. He says his policy is to get out whenever he sees that. Sebastian does not look amused.

Ramsay looks at the menu like he just doesn’t understand. Sebastian offers to walk him through the concept of the menu. Ramsay says, “Concept?” Unfazed, Sebastian starts explaining it all.

Back in the kitchen, the waitresses are laughing to each other and note that Chef Ramsay’s head looks like it is about to explode. They laugh some more.

Ramsay shakes off his confusion and just orders stuff from the menu. He starts with the fresh calamari (asking Sebastian to verify that it is fresh) and follows it with some New York Strip steak. He then tells Sebastian to bring him a small pizza – any flavor, whatever is best.

After a bit, Joy brings out the calamari. Ramsay asks her whether it is fresh or frozen and she confides that it is frozen. Oops!

He tastes it and confirms that it has been frozen. He concludes that not only is Sebastian a bad cook, but he is a dishonest one.

The pizza arrives next. It is the “Popeye” pizza, a house specialty. It looks to have spinach on it. He tastes it and it too is a flop. It is all watery and soggy. He figured that with two wood-burning pizza ovens, they could at least do pizza correctly.

Sebastian is not pleased at the negative review so far and sends Joy out to exclaim, “Manja!” at Chef Ramsay as she delivers the steak. I’m not sure the exact insult of that phrase, but I think that it is an insult similar to, “Nothing’s ever good enough for you, is it?”

The steak is all chopped up and covered with vegetables. He calls it “dog food” and pushes it aside.

Later, he goes and tells Sebastian that the food was awful. He is insulted that the calamari was not fresh and Sebastian says, “We are not a four-star restaurant and are not going to use top-notch ingredients for a seafood medley.” Gosh, is that the wrong thing to say to Chef Ramsay or what? Sebastian also admits that the pizza dough is frozen as well. Ramsay is aghast. This place is supposed to be famous for its pizza and they can’t even make fresh dough.

So, right after Ramsay finishes telling him everything that is wrong, Sebastian claims that he is planning on opening up franchises all over the place and putting his pizzas into grocery stores.

Ramsay can’t take it anymore and dashes outside for some fresh air. He tells the cameras that Sebastian is seriously “off his trolley.” Inside, Sebastian proudly crows to his chefs that he just won that round with Chef Ramsay. Wow. The guy really is delusional.