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Project Runway 4, Episode 1: Oh, Poo!by C. Brian Devinney -- 11/16/2007
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Oh my, dear children! We are here once again to go through a wacky rollercoaster ride called Project Runway. What will they be asked to do this season? Redesign the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders’ uniform using pastrami and Niagara spray starch? Design a new outfit for the NYC Sanitation Department using McDonalds hamburger wrappers? Take roadkill from the streets and strip the fur to make mukluks? The possibilities are endless!
Now supposedly the winner of Project Runway is going to be America’s next great designer but let’s face it… what have Jay, Chloe, and Jeffrey really done since then?
Think about it.
No really go right ahead. We have plenty of time.
That’s right. NOTHING.
Well, I’m sure they’re doing something, but no they’re not exactly giving Michael Kors a run for his money, now are they?
It’s time to meet the designers. We get to hear their experience, who they have designed for, and what wacky thing they have done in their lives that has brought them here. Quite frankly, this could take some time so I’m just going to hit some highlights:
Heidi Klum arrives with Tim Gunn and they welcome the designers to Bryant Park, the home to Fashion Week. Tim says that this season’s designers are the strongest group ever. Heidi asks them about the apartment and the champagne they are downing, but she puts a damper on the whole festivities and say it’s time for the first challenge.
Across the lawn are three tents which house the materials they will need for the challenge. Christian whines something about how the tents look like they are made of cheap plastic and he doesn’t want anything to do with that. However, inside the tents is about $50,000 in fabric donated by Mood, the official fabric store of Project Runway. And by donated, I suspect it means that it was discontinued, ugly, or bought by Bravo. When Heidi says go, they will have ten minutes to grab the fabric.
The race is on for the fabric. Ricky says he was running like a Mexican would for the border and I’m like wow… now that’s an analogy I wish I had the balls to make. Kit has her eyes on this awesome plaid, but alas Kevin is just too fast and he snatches it from her. Poor Chris, though, is the heaviest of the contestants and the last one to arrive. Meanwhile, all of his competitors are just ransacking the place to get what they want.
Basically the racks are stripped in about three minutes… if that. I mean, there was maybe some bathmat material leftover that Erin from The Apprentice didn’t make into a top. However, everyone has overflowing bags of material, and I’m like, seriously, do you need that much? Unless you’re designing for someone who’s about 600 pounds, you’re going to be fine. And no Uli dresses please!
Elisa decides that she’s doing to take the green chiffon and put some grass stains on it so she can get an impression of nature . It makes no sense to me, and everyone is watching her as if she’s just taken a big hit off of the bong. Off her rocker? Just a little.
This week’s challenge is for the designers to show who they are and not be constricted by a budget. Everyone unpacks their overflowing bags of fabric, of which they will probably use maybe 1%. Why just 1% you may be asking? Their models are stick figures again, and they need maybe three inches of material, tops, to cover them up. Jack says he’s excited to see his mannequin.
They have 13 hours to design an outfit, and some designers are off and running while others are breaking out the Aquadoodle and Etch-a-Sketch to see what comes up. Ricky decides he’s going to make a babydoll dress that looks like lingerie since that’s his background. But isn’t that all lingerie tends to be… a super slutty babydoll dress? The fact that he admits to being a cheerleader in high school either endears you to Ricky or makes you kinda wish he got run over by the football team like that cheerleader did in the YouTube video.
Simone claims to be doing a historical, romantic piece, but it looks like Queen Elizabeth I just puked on Helen Mirren. She says something about how her design mixes the old and the new, but it looks like crap. Rami, I’m not even concerned about since he’s making something that looks divine, but all of the room is staring at Elisa who is… well… let’s see if I can describe what she is doing.
First, she takes some fabric and shreds parts of it to make it look like a mythical fairy creature. I think. And then she sews some fabric onto her body, rather than onto the dress form. Maybe she doesn’t realize that she gets her own model to wear this. Christian thinks that she’s this spiritual, Earth mother-y, Himalayan mountain woman. But then he just settles for calling her weird.
And I concur.
Sweet P is falling behind schedule while the culottes-clad Jillian is making something hideous in teeth biting orange. There’s a trade of pinking shears with Jack and everyone just seems to be bustling along
Why does it seem like I’m skimming over this episode. Well we have 15 people in the competition and we can’t focus on all of them at once. Someone’s story arc has to begin and end in this episode and right now it’s looking like Sweet P or Ricky. Then again I could be totally wrong. Everyone else is just being ignored because there are just TOO MANY PEOPLE!
Ugh. This is why the first three or four episode of this show are so hard to recap. So many people, so many clothes, not much you can really talk about. But I’m sure I’ll find something.1 2 3 Next-->
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