Biggest Loser 5: Couples, Episode 5 – Uncoupled

Last time: It was all about the Yellow Team. After winning the previous weigh-in, Kelly and her Ninja ex-husband Paul claimed their prize and then found they were competing against the aggregate results of all the other teams. Aided by a two-pound advantage and some contestants who elected to engage in some game play, they survived the next weigh-in and sent the huffy mother-daughter Pink Team home.

In the last article, I made the statement that if the team of six had lost 15 more pounds, they’d have won. Not so – I forgot to take into account the Yellow Team’s two-pound weight allowance! The correct number is 27 pounds. Two of the four who water-loaded also own the two lowest loss percentages of the season, and thus might well have performed only marginally better. So, it is debatable if having all four play it straight would have been sufficient to make up that big a difference. In fact, I say it’s too close to call.

I have but one final bit of pre-episode preamble. As a refresher, these are the surviving teams. Note the order for later!

This week, action begins shortly after the elimination ceremony. The Purple Team pays a visit to the Yellow Team, to express their displeasure over Kelly’s ridiculous and self-righteous pronouncement in the elimination room, when she announced that they didn’t work hard enough and Kelly wanted to see better numbers from them. I can’t even surmise which of the Purple Team gals is more upset. They argue, and nothing is resolved, except that the Purple Team has decided they are through with alliances.

In a later cameo, Yellow Team’s Paul attempts to explain their reasoning. Part of it is the phrase, “… they’ve been below the yellow line so many times…” Hello, idiot? They’ve been there twice, your own self, once. People who live in glass houses, mm-kay?

The next morning, both teams are still upset. Trainer Jillian hunts the Yellow Team down in the dorm to find Kelly unsure if they eliminated the right team. Jillian tells us that she was surprised the Pink Team is gone, but, “It’s not my place to tell them how to choose.” Gosh, Kim and Bob have no such qualms about telling their team how to vote!

Out by the pool, trainer Bob meets with several of the other teams. He listens to the Purple Team’s Jenn rehash their woes. Instead of offering the sympathy she seeks, he tells them to let these things go and, “not take all the crap that’s holding them back,” and tells us that she needs to focus on herself. No kidding!

A bit later, a Dr. Phil moment erupts from my screen. Jillian is talking with Brittany and asks her why a pretty and smart woman like her is there. It turns out Brittany is from a broken and abusive home, and her dad was killed at an early age. She’s has never liked to think about this topic, and has turned to food for comfort. Brittany seems to feel better after unloading some of that baggage.

That night, series host Alison Sweeney meets our gang at the mall. It’s the next challenge, which, alas, is not a shopping challenge. They convene at the site of a big dual escalator, with both sides running down. For the first time this season, Allison brings out the trainers to “observe” the challenge. Alison’s description of the challenge is initially vague on purpose, so it takes a few minutes to figure out exactly what is going on.

It turns out that trainers Bob and Jillian will be the only ones competing in the challenge. The first one to run up and down the escalator ten times wins the right to pick three teams. These three will become their new team, while the others (the abandoned and wounded litter runts) will form the other team. The stunning rainbow shirts will be gone, as Jillian’s team will be the Black Team and Bob’s team will be the Blue Team (their traditional colors).

Boy, that first challenge in week one (when they raced up and down the hill to choose their own trainer) means less and less every week, doesn’t it? I think it has now attained a status of “utterly meaningless.”

This isn’t a very exciting challenge, and is a direct copy of the challenge of Season 2, Episode 6 (won by soccer-mom Andrea), so I’ll just say that Bob’s longer legs and surprisingly superior conditioning result in a fairly easy (10-7) victory. The contestants enjoy watching the trainers sweat it out for a change.

Right away, it’s time for Bob to pick his team. Eschewing the original Blue Team, Bob picks the Orange, Black, and Grey Teams to be the new Blue Team. Jillian is openly weeping over the loss of her Black Team, and Jackie explains that Jillian really becomes emotionally invested in her charges. Used-to-be-Blue Team members Bernie and Brittany are both visibly shocked at being abandoned and overlooked by Bob.

That means Jillian gets the Blue, Purple, and Yellow Teams. Remember, the Purple team didn’t want any more alliances, nut one has been forced upon them. Plus, the Yellow and Purple Teams are barely on speaking terms… if at all.

I think we can start calling Jillian’s team, “America’s Underdogs,” and Bob’s group “The Final Six.”