Big Brother 9, February 12: Love Stinks

Julie Chen appears on the front steps of the log-cabin style Big Brother house and welcomes us to the first ever winter edition of Big Brother! Sixteen people will be moving in, and with Valentine’s Day right around the corner, love is in the air for the unsuspecting houseguests – it’s Big Brother: ‘Til Death Do You Part!

Big Brother Voiceover Guy gives us a quick look at the inside of the house and reminds us about the 51 cameras and 74 microphones that record every sight and sound in the house. Voiceover Guy gives us the standard introduction to the game, and tells us the “shocking twist” – that Big Brother is playing matchmaker!

It’s time to meet the houseguests, see their reactions to receiving their keys, and see what corny lines they come up with. After a few shots of various houseguests screaming “Oh my God!” and jumping up and down, Alex the DJ tells us he’s going to spin the game to his advantage. He shows us a bracelet he’s wearing and says it’s important to him because he lost his dad on 9/11. Sheila tells us we’ve never seen a mom like her before.

Natalie has her key strapped inside her bikini top as she tells us she loves bikinis, coffee, and God! Jacob introduces himself to us and says that only the righteous will prevail. A few more houseguests scream and squeal at the sight of their keys. Chelsia has tattoos and piercings, and she tells us we can call her “Trouble!” Parker the paparazzo tells us that no secret is safe from him.

Someone is getting nekkid! It’s Amanda the paralegal and she’s getting into the bathtub. She tells us, “This high-maintenance girl is used to getting what she wants.” Oh goody, the first houseguest I loathe!

Jen the bartender tells us she knows how to handle a rough crowd. We see a few more men get their keys, including homeless “Crazy” James, who tells us that despite being homeless, he’s going to run the Big Brother house.

Neil the Realtor, sitting poolside at what looks like a medieval castle, tells us he knows how to close a deal. He says he hopes there’s another gay male in the house, because that would be “very interesting.” Well of course there is, if Big Brother is playing matchmaker – say hello to Joshuah, who tells us that no one can resist his Southern charm.

Ryan the college student says he’s going “all in” as he pushes a stack of poker chips toward the camera. Sharon, another realtor, tells us, “This military brat will never surrender.” Allison is painting and tells us that her game play will be a work of art. Matt’s lifting weights as he tells us that no one can overpower him. Adam, who is bowling, says he’s going to strike down the competition. OK, enough of this – please!

Several houseguests talk about the possibility of meeting someone in the house as they pack. They say goodbye to their loved ones, and our final shot is of James riding away on his squeaky bike with a piece of luggage in each hand.

Julie tells us what the houseguests don’t know – that Big Brother has played matchmaker and they’ll be paired up with someone who could be their soul mate. She says they’ll compete, win Head of Household (HOH), and be evicted as couples, and – gasp! – even share beds as couples. (Though, interestingly, Voiceover Guy earlier said the contestants would enter the house with the goal of being “the last one standing.” One, not two.)

The ladies are the first houseguests to convene on the porch for their entry into the house. Julie instructs Natalie, Jen, Allison, and Sheila to be the first group to enter the house. They walk in the door and immediately begin squealing, as usual. They try to open bedroom doors but they’re all locked! Jen tells us she was surprised because, in past seasons, they always find a bed and place their bag on it.

Meanwhile, Julie tells the remaining three ladies – Sharon, Amanda, and Chelsia – to enter the house. They barely get their squeals in before Jen runs up and tells them the bedrooms are locked. They begin gasping and noting the plaques on the wall:

“I pray you do not fall in love with me, for I am falser than vows made in wine.” – Shakespeare

“Love in action is a harsh and dreadful thing compared with love in dreams.” – Dostoevsky

Chelsia actually says out loud, “Did any of you notice that there’s only seven of us?” Uh, no, Chelsia. You’re the only one who can count that high! The ladies know that more people must be coming, and they begin to realize that they are all single.

Julie tells us that Sharon is about to get a big surprise – a man she just ended a 12-year relationship with is in the house. It’s Jacob! Let’s find out more, shall we?

Sharon tells us that she and Jacob dated off and on for 12 years. He followed her home in 8th grade and they became friends and dated. He went overseas for awhile and when he came back, they broke up. Jacob tells us that the relationship had the chance to “go the distance” but he cheated on her. [Editor’s Note: This is the same guy who was just quoted earlier as saying only the righteous will prevail!] They both say they were the love of each other’s lives, but Sharon says she’s the one who got screwed over so she needs to move on.

Sharon and Jacob aren’t the only ones who know each other – Jen is going to be in the house with someone she knows too! It’s her loving boyfriend, Ryan! Julie tells us they are “in cahoots” with each other but they’ll be playing as if they are strangers. It’s time to find out more about Jen and Ryan!