America’s Next Top Model 10, Episode 1: Class is in Session

Your regularly scheduled recapper, Kari Kennedy, ran into some problems with her cable this week, so yours truly will be subbing for her for this season premiere. This works out well, since I love the casting episodes. If you haven’t already, you may want to check out Kari’s preview article, but if you want to experience the season premiere without knowing who the chosen girls will be, don’t peek!

We start out as we often do, with Tyra telling us that this show has always been her dream. We also get some clips of past memorable fights, like Coryn vs. Lisa (Cycle 5), Renee vs. Dionne (Cycle 8), Brandy vs. Tatiana (Cycle 4), Anchal vs. Monique (Cycle 7), and the unforgettable pouring of beer in Tiffany’s weave. We also see some unforgettable makeover breakdowns, some medical emergencies (like Rebecca collapsing in Cycle 4 and Joanie getting de-snaggled in Cycle 7), some falls, “five fierce plus-sized models” (I’m sorry, Diane from Cycle 8 does not qualify as “fierce”), and other various memorable moments.

Marguerite (19, from Cincinnati), is our first new contender. The hopefuls are all on a school bus, screaming their fool heads off. Marvita (23, San Francisco) is back after being cut in the semi-finals last cycle. She says she wasn’t ready and was too angry; she’s been through a lot, including molestation and rape. Cheery. Amy (20, Bartlesville, Oklahoma), who looks a little like Lisa from Cycle 5, tells us that they didn’t know where they were going. Whitney (20, Atlantic Beach, Florida), this cycle’s plus-sized girl (yes, another plus-sized girl named Whitney) says the same thing. Two people appear - I’m guessing the two Jays - and the girls start screaming. And… commercials? Already? We’re not even four minutes in!

Indeed, Jay and Ms. J are in attendance, and Jennifer (24, Orlando) says Ms. J is fabulous and Jay is fine. Jay tells the girls they’ve excelled over the other contenders, and they’re about to attend Top Model Prep. Shaya (18, Country Club Hills, Illinois) is excited about school because she studied fashion and likes to create beauty, because she’s beautiful. And modest. Jay warns that only 13 will “make the grade,” and “the rest will be expelled.” Remember that number 13, by the way.

Ms. J sends the girls to change into uniforms and have their photo IDs taken. More screaming. The girls run into a locker room and start getting dressed. Amy tells us that a lot of her friends think she’s weird, but in a good way. She wonders why she’s here. The girls get their photos taken as Katarzyna (22, Roslyn, New York) tells us she went to Cornell, so she thinks she has an edge on the other girls. She definitely has a model look. Marvita tells us she went to therapy and has been working on herself. Somewhere Tiffany from Cycle 4 is going, “She stole my hook!”

Lauren (22, Brooklyn) tells us she’s a punk and an artist, and she’s always gone against being a model. Allison (18, Waunakee, Wisconsin) is ready to “annihilate the competition.” Various girls pose and we don’t hear from them. Fatima (21, Boston) tells us she was born in Somalia but grew up in America, so sometimes she feels like an outcast, especially in the African-American community. A blond just stands in front of the camera, then asks Jay if she’s supposed to pose. Yes, dear. When she’s done, she tells Jay he’s cute.

The girls file into a classroom, where Ms. J plays angry schoolmarm, then tells them it’s time for Runway 101. More screaming. They’re going to be evaluated on their movement with heavy backpacks containing a “history of fashion.” Lauren is nervous. Ms. J shows a few moves the girls shouldn’t do. Shalynda (23, Washington, D.C. - holla!) tells us this is her eighth - EIGHTH! - time auditioning, but she’s determined. Girl, get a job! Ms. J doesn’t like her turns. Claire (24, New York City) is a mother and wife with really weird hair. Various other girls walk. I’m always bad at evaluating walks. Lauren is… not good, and Ms. J isn’t surprised. Lauren laughs that she doesn’t think she’s discovered her walk yet. Ms. J she walks like she doesn’t have any circulation in her feet and she needs a miracle.

Dominique (23, Columbus, Ohio) tells us she has the attitude and spirit. She loves the runway. Fatima is really slow. Ms. J tells the girls to walk like they’re late for class. Anya (18, Honolulu, obviously this season’s Natasha) says she needs this because modeling is her passion. She thinks about modeling all the time and she has to take an hour to breathe every night. Huh?

Class is over, so the girls head to a football stadium for a bonfire. Amy is excited. Amy seems to be our resident narrator. Cheerleaders cheer, and Marvita is the first to recognize them - they’re past contestants. They’re Furonda from Cycle 6, Michelle and Amanda from Cycle 7, Jael from Cycle 8 (with a weird wig), and Joanie from Cycle 6. Jay tells the girls it’s time to celebrate, because they’re leaving L.A. and going back to New York. Aimee (18, Spanaway, Washington) is excited about this because New York is one of the fashion capitals of the world. The cheerleaders give another cheer, and this is really not Amanda’s forte. But I still love her.

It’s time to crown a Homecoming Queen. Dominique thinks it should be her. Instead, it’s Tyra, in a bring yellow dress with crazy hair and running makeup. “She’s so special,” Dominique says. Yeah, you’re not kidding. Whitney says Tyra has a commanding presence, where you can’t take your eyes off of her. Tyra thanks the girls for voting for her and apologizes for sleeping with all their boyfriends. Heh. Allison replies, “I slept with yours.” Double heh. She interviews that she just wanted to do something to stand out. Tyra tells the girls that the next time she’ll see them will be at casting. Amy is really excited and is willing to do whatever it takes.