America’s Next Top Model 10, Episode 1: Class is in Session

Tyra and the Jays are ready for casting. First up is Anya, and Tyra establishes that her accent is a surfer accent, not… you know, a Russian accent. Anya says she has fire in her eyes, so Tyra asks her to demonstrate. I’m not convinced. She says God gave her a purpose in life and she’s going to fulfill it. Jay says he sees a model, but not so much when Anya talks.

Atalya (18, Brooklyn) is excited to be here and likes the idea of doing new things every day as a model. She tells us her sister is a doctor and they’ve always been compared. She hopes the judges see her passion. Allison tells the judges she’s from the smallest town in Wisconsin and refuses to go back since there are no opportunities there. She knows the industry is competitive, and she has experience. Jay says she seems smart and articulate, but she doesn’t have everything figured out.

Shaya tells the judges her uncle is Muhammed Ali. She wants a career in fashion, and she wants to do something with potato-sack dresses, which Jay says were last season. Oops! Shaya talks about herself in the third person, making Jenn tune out. Back in the waiting room, Amy goofs off and asks the girls if they want to see her hair. And not the hair on her head. Oh, honey, the answer is always no. She goes to see the judges and tells them her thoughts come out without a filter no matter where she is. She’d rather be crazy than boring. Ms. J thinks she’s just cuckoo.

Whitney tells Tyra that the past plus-sized girls just lose it when they get into the competition. Jay asks if she has what it takes to not lose it. Whitney says she does because she’s confident in herself. She says she represents a healthy American woman, which should be the ideal American woman. Jay thinks she talks like a beauty-pageant contestant. Yeah, but she’s still right. Some blond (is that Marguerite? I’ve already forgotten) decides to do some “white girl freestyle” for the judges. Sorry, but we already had a Brooke, and she was awesome. You are not. ‘Bye-‘bye.

Back in the holding room, the girls talk about Dominique. Specifically, how she might be a transvestite. Katarzyna thinks she tans too much. Dominique heads to the judging room and says she’s ready to bring it. Her breasts certainly are. Jay wonders why she’s so serious. Dominique becomes the first model of the season to pull out the “what I’ve been through” card, citing an abusive relationship. She tells us she sees modeling as a platform to inspire people. Jay isn’t sure that’ll work.

Kristen (18, Portage, Michigan) tells us her brother and boyfriend are both in the military, and her boyfriend is in Iraq. He’s proud of her for being here, and she’s obviously proud of him. In the holding room, Shaya does some booty shaking, but Fatima thinks some of the girls are acting dumb. She tells Shaya she’s acting “ghetto” and can be both black and smart. Shaya brings the third person again, saying she’s going to be herself. She interviews that “the girl from Africa” insulted her. Fatima tells Shaya she looks like “a typical ghetto person.” She interviews that the others have called her exotic-looking and said she’s going to win. Yeah, I bet. She tells the girls she’s a proud African person with manners and class. Is it classy to call someone ghetto? Shaya says she’s American, so she doesn’t care.

We get Saleisha’s first “My Life as a Cover Girl” spot. Did you know she has no personality?

Katarzyna is next before the judges. She was born in Poland and has been working with an “executive search firm,” but she wants to model. She says her job pays well, but she doesn’t think it’s her calling. Tyra likes her look. Shalynda tells the judges she’s from “the D-dot-C,” which I’m totally using from now on, and reminds us that she’s auditioned eight times. Tyra notes that she’s not a quitter.

Shalynda then heads back to the holding room to fight with Fatima over the “ghetto” comment. She says she’s been called every name, but she knows who she is. Fatima asks if she can call Shalynda a bitch, since she seems okay with people calling her that. Shaya has to actually pull Shalynda away from Fatima before there’s a beatdown. Shalynda proceeds to paraphrase Janice Dickinson by saying, “Shut up, bitch, you’re dead in my book.” Lauren interviews that it’s fine to have an opinion, but screaming doesn’t get it across. Suddenly Lauren is my favorite girl.

Speaking of Lauren, she’s next before the judges. She’s a little awkward and is wearing heels for the first time. Jay asks why she thinks she’s here. Lauren wants to represent the weird girls. Tyra notes that most current top models are weird. Lauren tells us she likes watching zombie movies and going to punk shows. Tyra has her strike an edgy pose, which Lauren interprets as… well, turning her back to them.

The very excited Stacy-Ann (22, Miami) is next and says everyone likes her. She got married at 17 but wasn’t pregnant; they were in love. She’d love to know what it’s like to give a lap dance. Ms. J quickly grabs a chair so Stacy-Ann can entertain Jay. There’s no music, so she sings some herself. Okay, now Stacy-Ann is my favorite girl. She also ushers in a montage of various girls dancing and contorting as she and the judges all dance together. Jay says that was his first and last lap dance.

Tyra asks Aimee to tell the judges about her relationship with her mother. If you think this is leading to a “my mom isn’t part of my life” sob story like we usually hear, you’re wrong - they’re really close. Aimee’s mom was 18 when she was born, but also a Mormon and not sure about her daughter being a model. Kim (20, Worcester, Massachusetts) was the girl who didn’t know she should pose for her picture. She works at a bank, and Tyra asks if she ever takes money. After a beat, Kim says she does a lot. Yeah, she didn’t understand the question. She tells us a lot of people think she’s a dumb blond (well, she’s not helping), but she’s actually down-to-earth. She’s into psychology and would like to go back to school. Ms. J thinks she’ll fit the “Barbie mold.”