Celebrity Apprentice, Episode 9: No Use Crying Over Spilled Yogurt

Last week, the teams sold convertible ladders and carpet sweepers on QVC. Trace was understated, Marilu was hyper, and Team Empresario won for only the second time. Marilu Henner was sent home for her rambling presentation.

For your reference, here are the current team rosters:

Hydra

• Lennox Lewis, retired boxing champion
• Carol Alt, the first supermodel
• Piers Morgan, British tabloid journalist and talent judge

Empresario

• Tito Ortiz, ultimate fighter
• Omarosa, delusional former Apprentice player who already earned herself another appearance in the Reality TV Hall of Shame
• Trace Adkins, country singer
• Stephen Baldwin, famous brother

This week’s show starts off with the Boardroom survivors returning to the suite. “Sleepy Boy is back!” says Omarosa, and Lennox agrees. He still doesn’t get it that he wasn’t contributing in the morning. Piers refuses to apologize for the nickname despite goading, primarily by Baldwin.

The next scene shows Steven Baldwin calling his mom to tell her he won another $20,000 for her charity. We learn that her nickname for him is “The Flea.” The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines fleas as “small wingless bloodsucking insects,” and I’m going to leave it right there.

Next, Trump (wearing a trademark pink tie) meets with the teams to assign the next task. Two executives accompany him from Dial Soap, plus one (an editor) from Redbook magazine. Ivanka and George Ross are on hand as well. The task is to create a four-page photo ad for the soap that will be published in the magazine.

The product is actually named “Dial Nourishing Yogurt Body Wash,” which is about as unappealing as it gets for me. I mean, washing yourself in yogurt? That’s so wrong!

One of the Dial execs tells them the judging will be subjective, based on the areas of “creativity, integration of the brand, and overall message and content.” The teams have access to a photographer and a studio. Trump adds that the winner’s charity gets $20,000.

While Trump is still talking, Omarosa tells her team she’d like to be PM. However, as The Donald is requesting the teams to name their PM immediately, he includes the phrase, “…project managers have a pretty good chance of being fired,” and that changes her tune. Seeing the potential onrushing bus, she shoves Tito in front of it and he becomes Empresario’s PM. Hydra nominates Carol, who tells us she has graced the Redbook cover five times.

Hydra meets first with the three executives. Carol knows that getting the right answers to the right questions is all-important. She learns that the average reader is 37 years old, and Piers finds out that taste and good judgment are important to Dial. The team adjourns to a war room, where Carol thinks a simple, sexy story is called for, and they settle on four key moments in the life of a successful woman. Mr. Sleepy Boy thinks Piers is doing a better job of letting others talk this week.

When Empresario takes their turn, the team learns that Dial sees themselves as straightforward and honest. Redbook feels they have a deep connection with the middle of the country, and adds that their readers love Trace Adkins. Trace jokingly gives them a hard time for putting “ugly Tim McGraw” on the cover several times, but never himself. When they meet, Baldwin suggests Trace needs to be in the ad, suggesting he be in the bathtub with his boots and guitar. Trace blushes.

Team Hydra meets with their photographer. Hearing how young the available models are, Piers suggests Carol should be the model instead. Carol is concerned about wearing too many hats (as Marilu did last week).

Empresario also meets with their photographer. Omarosa tells us she feels Tito needs lots of help and guidance being the PM. She adds that really, Baldwin is the one guiding the team’s efforts. He’s willing to, because he has “innate” skills and, “People have told me I could run a studio in Hollywood, just because of the way I think.” From what we see, Baldwin is running this photo shoot while Tito is content to sit on his brains.

Back at Hydra, Piers has convinced Carol that it needs to be her face in the shot. With that, a S.W.A.T. team of support people file into the room. A couple of them are set painters and lighting guys, and about five do her makeup and hair.

Empresario is at a similar point. Omarosa feels their ad needs to be hotter for Redbook readers, and convinces Trace that he needs to lose his shirt and get into the picture. He’s a little taken aback and tells us he has “the tan of a vampire,” but he agrees to take part. The female assistants are grinning widely and Omarosa is positively giddy.

I note that in one shot that didn’t make it to the final product, Trace has his head down, and in another, his hat covers his face. Who directed those? How does a hidden face trade on his celebrity?

Baldwin is sure they have a great shot of shirtless Trace (fortunately, one where he’s looking at the camera). Ivanka comes into the shoot in time to hear Baldwin call Trace “a stud muffin.” She likes the country theme and the visuals, but wonders if it’s too racy for Dial. Really?