Celebrity Apprentice, Episode 9: No Use Crying Over Spilled Yogurt

At Hydra, Lennox is reveling in his role as art director. Piers notes that since Lennox has had enough sleep, he’s doing okay. He thinks that’s because Lennox suddenly realizes how close he is to winning. I say he mathematically has a chance, but not much of one.

At one point, Lennox tries to get a second male into a shot with Carol in the bed, but she’s having none of that. Good for you, Carol. And while we’re at it, hiss-boo for Lennox!

George Ross is on hand watching, and he seems a little shy of being comfortable with the proceedings. However, from what I can see, some of the shots look pretty darn good.

At Empresario, the team is putting a final touch on their presentation. Baldwin thinks one photo is “Wow!” but Omarosa says it doesn’t do jack for her, and she’s the demographic of the reader. I’m sure that concept sends a shiver down the spines of the Redbook executives watching the show at home. Thing is, she’s right… the picture in question wasn’t good enough.

Tito tells us it’s hard to lead a team with both Baldwin and Omarosa on it, because they like to take control and they defend their ideas strongly. He feels he still has final say, though.

After earlier supporting the Trace shots, Baldwin suddenly does a 180. He says he thinks the Trace picture is too racy and he wants to play it safe instead. Baldwin is nothing if not inconsistent! He reads off four words he wrote down when they met with the executives: “Clean, healthy, trusted, family.” He tells Tito that if the other team goes “wholesome and family” and wins… and Tito’s head sags into his hands. I think he has a headache.

The first team to present to the three executives is Hydra. Piers does the presentation, and as usual, he’s smooth and interesting. They cleverly use two pages for one big picture of Carol in the tub. However, in the last one, it looks like the guy is biting Carol on the back of her shoulder. There were so many better, classier pictures that I have no idea why they went with this one.

It’s Empresario’s turn to pitch. Omarosa starts talking, with Tito distractingly shifting from side to side behind her. Omarosa passes off to Tito, who fumbles his part of the presentation rather badly. Baldwin feels the need to chip in an unrelated thought while Tito is pausing, plus Trace and Omarosa both correct Tito once. Let’s just be polite and say this presentation was not very smooth or professional.

Empresario’s spread is presented as though they have two two-page pictures. However, the second pair is unrelated, so it’s confusing. Plus, the hot ones with Trace have been excluded and he’s just in one picture.

Trump solicits opinions from the executives. The Redbook editor likes Hydra’s message. One of the Dial guys finds the message “sensual, but not over-the-top sensual,” but the other is not as comfortable with the fourth image and its biting. For Empresario, the Redbook editor finds their photos very professional, but doesn’t care for their text and doesn’t feel there is a consistent thread in the layout. The two guys disagree on the effectiveness of the metaphor of the outdoors for dryness.

In the next scene, the teams have been assembled in the Boardroom. Everyone gets a seat these days. It must be the same day, as the pink tie is back. Or he just likes it a lot. As usual, the process begins with both teams telling The Donald they are confident of victory.

Trump asks Tito why he was so nervous at the presentation, and he says he wanted to be perfect. He adds that Trump made him nervous. Not a clever move, that, but it slips by.

Trump speaks to Carol about him warning her about being the PM. She replies, “I’d rather be fired by standing up to a challenge than running away from one.” An unimpressed Trump says, “That’s a good line of crap,” which amuses Ivanka much more than Carol. Carol responds, “If it was crap, I wouldn’t have stood up. But I did.” That may not be as quotable, but the fact that she made any comeback to Trump’s stupid comment earns her points in my book.

Trump next belabors the “biting” picture, which Carol downplays as “a playful bite.” She adds that they included it “to push the envelope.”

Trump now has Ivanka show each team the other group’s proposal. Predictably, they take potshots at each other’s efforts. Trump points out the biting shot to Tito, who reports they had a similar concept with Trace, but chose not to use it. I wouldn’t call the two quite the same thing, but let’s get past that one.

Trump asks Tito if Trace looks good without his tee-shirt and Trace replies, “Yes, for his age,” which gets protestations from Trace and laughs from the rest.

Piers calls the Hydra ad “boring” while Omarosa calls the biting “a bit edgy for me.” Piers comments he can’t read the small print in the Empresario ad, and Baldwin responds in a cloying mock-British accent, “Put on your specs, mate!” to Piers so many times that I want to bitch-slap him upside the head. Baldwin laughs at his own witty brilliance, but no one else seems as impressed.

Trump announces the result.

Alt-F12! I mean… Hydra wins! (I type that phrase so often that I programmed my Alt-F12 key to do it for me.)

Carol wins $20,000 for her charity, the Tony Alt Memorial Foundation, created in 2006 to raise monies for a scholarship fund at Half Hollow Hills High School in Dix Hills and to provide financial resources to select children’s charities.