Here Come the Newlyweds, Episode 3: First Comes Love, Then Comes Marriage…

Last week the Bajwas were voted out and now we have five couples remaining in the hunt for the final prize, which already totals over $350,000.

Host Pat greets the couples and asks the ladies to come with him for the first challenge. He tells the women that they need to write down which five things they would like to change about themselves physically. Pat returns to the men and tells them they need to write down what five things they think their wives will say. The twist is that the men are drawing their physical changes directly onto white female mannequins, so they end up looking like something you might see in a plastic surgeon’s office.

Cody Fries reveals that his wife Dawn is not a natural blond. Toni Woodward can’t seem to settle on only five things that she would change.

Pat brings the couples back together and tells them for each matching answer, $2000 will be added to the final prize.

The Woodwards are up first. They have three matches with bigger boobs, arm flab, and fuller behind. Toni tells us that Barry obviously listens to her complaints.

The Moutras are next. Johnnie & Crystal agree on smaller breasts, a flatter stomach, and a bigger bottom. Johnnie does, however, call out Crystal’s love handles which I don’t think makes her too happy.

Lance & Heather Holmes have four matches! Lance must really listen to Heather’s complaints about herself.

The Frieses are up next and they are so perfect already that they have a hard time with this. Dawn just wants everything to be tighter. I don’t know why, but the fact that Dawn & Cody think they are so wonderful already just grates on me. I don’t know why they didn’t say they would change Dawn’s looks so she doesn’t look like Cody’s sister. That’s what I would have written down.

The Krashins are last and they end up with four matches. Steve mentions that they had an advantage, as they have been together for over a decade and have had a lot more time to complain to one another.

Pat tells the couples that collectively they got 16 out of 25 matches, which adds $32,000 to the final prize. The final prize is now $390,000!

Pat then tells the couples that he has a “special lunch” ready for them. The lunch turns out to be at a day care center which should be fun to watch.

The doors open and dozens of kids stream into the center. Lance & Heather are very good with the kids, and are having a lot of fun clowning around. Dawn & Cody interview that they love kids and want three or four of them. Host Pat starts interviewing individual kids about their marriage plans. He tells one little boy that he has been married twice and the little boy asks Pat if he is dumb. Hee hee.

Johnny & Crystal are also having a great time with the kids. Barry doesn’t seem to know what to do with the kids, and actually locks one in a trunk. I don’t think that makes for good parenting. The Krashins interview that after this experience, they won’t have kids for at least 40 years.

To determine the winner of the challenge, Pat asks the kids to run to the couple that with whom they had the most fun. Pat emphasizes that this isn’t a traditional challenge and there is no money or reward for winning it. So, then, what’s the point? Maybe Barry did have the best approach by just putting the kids in trunks.

All of the couples, except the Woodwards, have a lot of kids run to them. The Woodwards only get a couple of kids. I believe the Woodwards are actually the only couple on the show to actually have kids (they have each had three previous marriages), so maybe they are just worn out from raising their own children and didn’t feel the need to impress random strangers’ children.

At dinner the couples discuss how many kids they want and when they want to have them. During this conversation, Cody tells the other couples that his family didn’t find out he was married until a few weeks ago. Apparently, Cody & Dawn eloped and didn’t tell anyone for a few months. Can I just say my family would have killed me if I pulled a stunt like that? After waiting to marry me off for 36 years there was no way my parents were going to let me deny them a big celebration.

The next day, Pat meets the couples at a grocery store to introduce their next challenge. The husbands are going to be shopping in the store and the wives will be outside the store with a list of items. The couples will be allowed to communicate via cell phone, but the wives have to describe each item on the list without using its name, spelling, or rhyming words.

I want to take a break here to say that I’m starting to get annoyed with this show’s gender roles in the challenges. Why is it the woman who sends the man shopping? Why did the men drive during the driving challenge? And why have there been two challenges about physical changes to the women? I feel like the show would be a lot more interesting if it mixed up the gender stereotypes a bit. Okay, off my soap box now and back to the show.