Big Brother 9, March 18 Live Feeds: Sleeping Giant

The day begins just after 9:00 am, with various houseguests waking up, getting showered, and dressing for the day. Joshuah gets the ball rolling on the game by telling Ryan he’s worried about the vote. He says the vote may go 4-2 in favor of Matt staying, and that if so, he and Sharon would be left out in the cold, and prime targets should Chelsia win Head of Household (HOH) tomorrow.

Before we go any further, I would be remiss if I didn’t tell you all about the plan that is currently in placed (explained in much greater detail in Jeremy’s recap for Monday). The basic gist is that James, Josh, Sharon, and Chelsia have decided to act like their alliance is splintering. Chelsia will act like she’s on Matt’s side, while Sharon and Joshuah take Ryan’s. This way, they can screw with the other alliance, getting them to split their votes, and put targets on themselves for next week. If the vote somehow comes out tied, James will evict Matt to his face. Otherwise, whoever leaves, leaves. Okay, back to the (air quotes) action.

Sheila wins the Early Bird comedy award as she gets ready. She says she really wants to win HOH. That makes sense, as I’m sure everyone does, even James who can’t compete. But does she want to control the house? No. Does she want the pictures from home like all the others? No. Sheila wants to be HOH… so she can get some new eyeshadow. No matter how old they get, models are still models.

Matt and Ryan, the two nominees, begin the day by reaffirming their commitment to not campaign against one another. Matt demonstrates this integrity by saying that Chelsia told him she was voting to keep Ryan (which is what she’ll eventually do, but the statement is an outright lie). Matt then asks Ryan if he wants a day to campaign, or if they can just chill. Ryan agrees to chill. I begin to get ill.

Natalie further advances her case for membership in MENSA by talking about debates. Up until just now, she didn’t know that a debate involves more than one person. (Trying to look at the positive, trying to look at the positive.) Well, at least we know that she doesn’t think the voices in her head are other people.

Ryan goes outside and asks Josh why he’s being more morose than Matt today. He says that with the apparent (fake) split of his alliance, it looks like the only way he’s staying in the house beyond next week is if he wins HOH himself.

On the other hand, Matt tells Adam that he has renewed hope today. Yesterday he had none, but today he is full of hope. He thinks he has four votes to stay right now, including Adam’s.

The duo also think they have Natalie figured out, saying they now believe she is a cheerleader for the Seattle Seahawks. It would explain Natalie’s affinity for guys named Matt, if her full time job was cheering for Hasselbeck. We all know she’s not one, but just for the fun of it, I checked out the cheerleaders’ page on the Seahawks website. The job description alone disqualifies her. “The job of a Seattle Seahawks Cheerleader is to be a lady at all times, to be gracious and kind to those she comes into contact with and to support and uphold the impeccable image of the Seattle Seahawks organization.” Unless that impeccable image includes Bible thumping and oral sex (an interesting combination in and of itself), I’m guessing she’s never even applied.

After getting into deep doo-doo with James for giving her word, then breaking it, Sheila’s new tactic for the day is to be non-committal on her vote. Although she’s previously told both Ryan and Matt that she’d vote for them and not vote for them, today she tells Ryan that she won’t say either way, only that she’ll “do the right thing.” Can someone get Spike Lee up in this joint?

Matt makes an interesting point to Josh. Since everyone is insistent on saying that he and Natalie are a team, fine, that means that the two of them are a block vote on the jury. Whether Matt stays or goes tomorrow, it would be in Josh’s best interest to vote for him, as that’s two votes on the jury.

Matt then turns his attention to James and offers a deal for both James and Josh. He offers safety for the pair of them if he or Natalie wins HOH tomorrow. While I’m sure they appreciate an offer of safety from the one they’re voting out, it basically has no meaning. Even if they were to honor it, they could backdoor, and if they don’t, they’d still have to choose between Sharon and Chelsia.

James and Josh go to the nearest bedroom, and share what I like to call a Will-Boogie Moment, cheering and laughing silently at how well their plan is going. Josh also can’t wait to turn his ire onto Sheila. He whispers, “You’re a pathetic middle-aged b*tch and should be killed.” Tell us how you really feel there, Josh.

Outside, Sheila is ticked. She talks to Matt and Natalie about her anger at everyone for thinking she’s playing both sides. She freely admits that she is, she’s just pissed that everyone sees it and calls her on it. Well then do a better job of it, Sheila. Or don’t do it at all. You’re making your own bed, here.

Things are starting to get heated. Sheila calls James a name I can’t write here, and asks sarcastically if he’s trying to catch her in a lie (what, like it’s hard?). Natalie, having had enough, leaves.

Inside, Matt tries to calm Sheila down, but it’s not working too well. She says she hates everyone in the house (finally something I have in common with someone in this cast), and that Natalie is out of control. She says she’s conflicted because she promised her vote to Ryan a while ago, even though her gut says to keep Matt. She then says she wants James to make the decision, not her, calling him a coward. She calls James an a-hole for making her choose her own vote. It’s staggering.

Sheila ends her rant by saying that while she doesn’t want to be the mom of the house, she would tell her own son to kick Natalie out of his bed for his own good. She then says that she will do the right thing, and asks Matt to trust her.