Celebrity Apprentice, Episode 12: It’s Come Down To This

Last week: In a Rolodex-free event, they sold sandwiches. Empresario couldn’t make up the disadvantage of having only two people on their team. Lennox’s celebrity also put Hydra over the top. Trace survived the Boardroom and Baldwin was fired.

By the way, both sandwiches will be available at Quiznos for a limited time! For details, click here.

One astute reader has noted that Baldwin finished fifth in both of his seasons on Celebrity Mole (assuming the Moles don’t count as players). With his elimination in fifth place last week, he has completed an unusual trifecta.

For your reference, here are the players remaining in the game:

• Lennox Lewis, retired boxing champion
• Carol Alt, the first supermodel
• Piers Morgan, British tabloid journalist

The episode starts with Trump receiving the four remaining players in the Boardroom. Instead of wine and crumpets, he has an immediate task for them: the dreaded executive interviews! Performing the honors will be business reporters Jim Cramer and Erin Burnett from CNBC. Remember apoplectic Jim from his stint as a guest viceroy in week three, when Gene Simmons told him he was “a handsome and powerful man”?

Two people will be eliminated after these interviews. Piers thinks his chances are good, because if there’s one thing he’s good at, it’s talking.

I’m not running through every question. Some of the topics covered are their charities and why they were chosen, their opinions about the other players, their best moment in the competition, and their fundraising, both past and potential.

Here’s a selection of responses. A nervous Lennox stumbles over the charity question. Trace says he’ll leave this show with his integrity intact. Trace tells Jim that Piers takes advantage of other people. Piers tells Jim that he hasn’t made a mistake in the game yet, and Jim responds that he’s never met someone who doesn’t make mistakes.

In the next scene, the interrogations are mercifully complete and Trump meets with the interviewers. Erin is impressed by the passion of everyone. Piers is the one she likes the least. Jim agrees, but he knows Piers can raise the most money despite shortcomings in teamwork and leadership. Trump says those qualities are important, so Jim passionately barks, “Then Piers must be stopped!”

Both are impressed by Carol’s quiet determination, but found Lennox was too laid back. Erin names Trace as her favorite. Asked to pick two names, Jim names Trace and Carol. Erin is asked the same thing, but we do not see her answer.

Trump now meets with the four candidates. Lennox says he was comfortable in what he found to be a familiar situation. Trace liked Erin, but Jim was too rapid-fire for him. Trump tells Trace that Erin thought he was “terrific.”

Piers is a bit surprised to hear the interviewers found him “ruthless,” saying he broke no rules in the game and wasn’t unethical or immoral. Ivanka informs him, “you walk a line that people aren’t comfortable with,” but she agrees that he never broke any rules. Piers admits he played hard and says, “If I am to lose because of my a lack of British tact in a game which is led by a man who is renowned around the world as a ruthless, tough businessman, then I plead happily guilty to that.” Good answer. Did he just save himself?

Trump asks Carol why she should win, and she says, “I’m organized, I’m detailed, I’m versatile, I can work on the fly, and I think I got the gumption.” Good answer!

Trump asks Carol who he should fire. She says, “I’d keep me and Piers.” She compliments his ability to look ahead and see problems.

Piers says that Lennox wouldn’t win as often without Piers on his team, and to Trump’s surprise, Lennox agrees. Piers also says he was the driving force in most of the eleven tasks, and Lennox agrees again. This confuses Trump, who wanted to see Lennox reply more aggressively.

Coupling this perceived weakness with the fact that interviewers Jim and Erin identified him as too laid-back, Trump makes his first decision and tells Lennox he is fired. As we see Lennox take his cab ride, he tells us the $40,000 he won for his charity is the best part of the experience for him.

Trump says it’s hard to fire Piers when he has raised so much money, even if he is the least nice person in the game. Piers takes exception at that characterization, but Trump tells him not to interrupt when he’s being exonerated.

The Donald asks Piers whom he would fire. He says, “I would beat Trace with more ease than beat Carol. She would be a tougher competitor. And I mean no disrespect to Trace.” Trump turns to Trace to ask what he has to offer, and Trace says he’ll call on celebrities and he’ll play with integrity.

Trump asks Trace, “Do you like Piers?” Trace replies, “We’ve been sociable and cordial.” He also thinks Piers has been ruthless and merciless. He adds that Piers wouldn’t stab him in the back; he’d stab him in the forehead. Piers agrees; he says he doesn’t believe in stabbing people in the back.

Trump says the decision in hard and reveals that both interviewers named Carol and Trace as the ones who should advance to the final round. However, The Donald likes the potential friction between the two guys. That’s a valid reason to make a business decision?

Apparently it is in Trumpworld, because Carol is fired. Trump is an idiot.

Carol leaves with a smile… I’d make them call for Security! As she leaves, Carol tells us that she accomplished what she wanted to in the game.

Back in the Boardroom, Trump likes the “good versus evil, U.K. versus U.S.A.” situation he’s set up. He could have had all that plus his original “man versus woman” scenario if he had chosen Carol over Trace.

It’s the next day. Trump, accompanied by children Ivanka and Don Junior, explains the final task. Trump asks Piers about the “good versus evil” and Piers says Trump will learn, “I’m not as evil as you think, and he’s definitely not as good.” Even Trace smiles at that one. Piers tells us he relishes the challenge of being the disgusting, evil foreigner battling the all-American hero cowboy.

Trump has invited four previous competitors to come back and help out on this final task. Fortunately for me, it’s Carol Alt, Steven Baldwin, Marilu Henner, and Lennox Lewis who have been selected to help out. Yay, no Omarosa!

Trace wins a coin toss giving him the right to make the first pick. He selects Lennox, because he thinks Piers wants Lennox for his team. Playing defense with the first pick overall seems a little negative, but we’ll see. As Piers considers his pick, we get some humorous footage of Baldwin praying that Piers won’t pick him. Piers takes Baldwin.

Piers’ reasoning is, despite their fights, he remembers that they did some good work together in the middle part of the game. Trace takes Marilu, and Piers is assigned Carol.

Teams will work on different aspects of the same event, which turns out to be a charity concert and auction. Ivanka says that one team will handle catering and produce a live auction. Don Junior adds that the other finalist is responsible for the décor, plus working with the entertainment, The Backstreet Boys.

The victory will be decided in three categories: Tickets sold, money raised by the auction, and how well they run their part of the event.