Celebrity Apprentice, Episode 12: It’s Come Down To This

They will be provided with some items to sell at auction, but should also solicit additional contributions. I think I see Kiss guitars, an autographed Taxi script, etc. Proceeds go to their charities, win or lose.

The six of them meet for Piers and Trace to split up the tasks. Trace takes working with the talent and Piers, the auction. Both are happy with the split. They then split up the initially-donated items. We don’t see most of this, but Piers chooses a shopping trip with Ivanka and Trace takes a Superbowl package. Piers wants one-of-a-kind items, and I think he’s right. After all, the people who can bid $20,000 and more at a charity auction are capable of cobbling together their own Superbowl experiences. When the items are split, Piers says, “May the best man win, and I will.”

Piers advises Trace to keep Sleepy Boy Lennox awake. Trace describes Piers as “a Chihuahua.” He defines that as, “one of the tiniest dogs on the planet. It barks loud, they make a lot of noise, and they’re a pain in the ass, but they’re no real threat. That’s Piers Morgan.”

Piers feels they can win by out-selling at the auction and by selling a greater number of high-price tickets. Baldwin interviews that Piers is wrong when he says that for Trump, this challenge is all about the money. Baldwin thinks it will be all about “faces” (celebrity).

In the other room, Trace says that he expects Piers will beat him on the money aspect, but he will concentrate on the other two objectives. He is going to charter two jets to fly all his country friends up from Nashville. That impresses Lennox! It’s getting personal for Trace, and I hope he doesn’t lose his focus.

Trace’s team is trying hard to arrange for their contacts to show up. Lennox notes that this is hard, since they essentially are offering about one day’s notice. Trace lists some of the names that have committed to help him out, but alas, since I’m not a country guy, I don’t recognize them.

Lennox and Marilu go to look at props while Trace takes care of the band. Lennox is concerned that she’s taking too long to make decisions about the table decor. Every time they make a decision, he says, “Done!” so she won’t be tempted to keep making changes. As they walk out of the room, Marilu pauses at the door and takes a long, hard look at their setup. You can hear Lennox say “Done” from about twenty feet down the hall!

Carol and Steven go to check out the hors d'oeuvres they will be serving. Steven’s in his element, clowning as he stuffs his face. We get no indication if decisions are being made or not, but I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt. I trust Carol’s instincts on this one.

Piers knows that unique prizes will generate the largest bids. He meets with “my favorite royal” – Sarah Ferguson, the Duchess of York (pictured at the top of this article). She offers a tea with her as one prize, and also a tea set. Piers thinks securing the “Tea With Fergie” prize may be the deciding move in his favor.

In the other war room, Trace asks if the Backstreet Boys are now known as The Backstreet Old Boys. Well, there goes the “nice” image down a peg!

Marilu has a list of their extensive requirements. It’s a lengthy list, and it seems like the Old Boys still see themselves as being in a position to command anything and everything. Trace can’t believe all the items are deal-breakers, and has her hold off on making these purchases.

Trace contacts the group’s manager to try and discuss on the phone, but the phone call goes poorly. The guy has Trace repeat his name a few times, as well as his function, and Trace is visibly irritated. Trace arranges that they will meet the next day at 10 AM.

Meanwhile, Piers meets with a representative of the Fallen Heroes Fund. He feels that giving up 20 seats for free to some veterans may pay bigger dividends that the sale of those seats. He thinks Trump will appreciate the gesture and their presence may increase bidding. That’s smart thinking!

The next day, Trace meets with The Backstreet Boys, and his worst fears are confirmed. The many demands they have are growing. When he tells them there’s only one dressing room, they are stunned into silence by the outrageous limitations that have just been forced upon them. Trace is sure these kids are playing games with his head (well, he said it more graphically), and when they ask for wheat grass juice (described as “like turf),” he is completely perplexed. Trace refers to his time with The Backstreet Boys as “time in my life I’ll never get back.”

Baldwin promises Piers a lot of big name talent, but despite dropping names like James Gandolfini and Ben Stiller, he can’t deliver a soul. No one. Further, he does so while acting like he’s about six years old. Piers wants to delegate tasks, but he needs to feel like the delegated tasks can be done properly.

A goofy-faced Baldwin faux-apologizes (to the camera) for not being able to get any celebrities. I doubt he’s getting a Christmas card from the Fallen Heroes Fund, whom he is really hurting. Ironic… Trace is booking two planes, yet Baldwin can’t even deliver the writer of an Internet column?

Next week: Trace is tested by the band over a sudden need for black nail polish. Piers tells the wait staff he wants his bidders tipsy to lower their inhibitions while bidding. Trace is visited by his family, and it seems like Piers patches in a phone call from some major-league individual. Sharon Osbourne, Andrew Lloyd Weber, and Simon Cowell all make an appearance, and not that I’ll recognize them, but I’m expecting country music’s best to drop by, too… so don’t miss it!

My Comments: Apparently there’s more to winning this game than having a famous, smiling face?

Next week: We’re almost done. It could go either way. Piers may raise the most money, but giving up 20 seats will surely cost his that point. That brings it down to who’s the best PM. I can see that subjective issue being a wash, so since the season is so much about raising money for charity, will that factor be elevated in making the final decision? Will Trump let Omarosa decide? Will a large donation from Gene Simmons be the deciding factor? Or, more probably, will a different scenario play out?

Brian lives in Toronto. He spent a couple of decades working in middle management at The Prudential, primarily hiding behind the coffee machines in generally unsuccessful attempts to avoid his pointy-haired bosses. He can be reached at uncle_bto@rogers.com. He’d like to hear your opinions and promises to respond to all serious email.

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