Biggest Loser 5: Couples, Episode 13 –The Episode that Takes the Cake!

Kelly tells us Dan left the cake out and “someone took advantage of that.” However, Dan decides to expand his investigation.

Yes, the “Cake-Gate” investigation continues. I wonder if its picture is on the milk cartons yet? Dan seeks out Ali, and finds her in the kitchen. When she hears the cake is missing, she laughs… which only makes Dan suspicious of her. Dan tells us, “There is nobody here who is not a suspect at this point.”

Kelly tells us that she was really in the shower and doesn’t know anything about what happened to Dan’s cake, but she skillfully and purposely overplays her innocence to string him along. Everyone is having great fun at Dan’s expense, suggesting that it must be hidden in domestic locations Dan is unfamiliar with, like the dishwasher or the laundry. Ali asks him if it’s in the garbage, and then asks him if he even knows where the garbage bags are. Ha!

Dan tells the others they shouldn’t be upset that he’s the smartest one in the house, but I think they need a little more convincing right about now.

Continuing the theme, Mark asks Dan when’s the last time he washed his clothes. I know the answer to that one: mom left in Episode 6, and this is week 13! Dan somehow finds the laundry and starts searching about this unfamiliar section of the house. Sure enough, under a stray bag of stuff, there it is!

Roger steps forward and confesses it was he who hid Dan’s cake. Roger tells us he felt he had to teach Dan “a valuable lesson” about the need to properly take care of something that is valuable. That’s the kind of lesson you’d expect from an offensive lineman, I guess. Everyone laughs again at Dan’s expense. Mark tells us the humor was a welcome relief to the monotony of the daily routine.

The ladies (Kelly and Ali) were left low-cal popcorn by Jillian. The guys come in and the ladies decide to share with them. Don’t tell Jillian, ladies!

The next scene is a challenge. They are in a basketball arena, with “The Biggest Loser” and their names up in lights on the scoreboards. Very cool.

This challenge is about the unhealthy foods such venues offer. The challenge will work like this: each person is assigned a table with their name on it. Players have to run to concession sites, grab a single item of food, place it on a table of another player, and then do it again minutes, the contestant whose table holds the lowest calorie count wins a snappy $10,000!

Here’s where Dan’s cake comes in. Alison directs him to put it on anyone’s table he wants. I’m thinking it’s going to Roger as payback for the prank, but no, he gives it to Kelly. She’s determined to pay him back, though she wants to show Roger some attention as well. Ali’s game plan is just to distribute things evenly among all the other players.

The challenge begins, and people are running all over the place. By the time Ali gets to Kelly’s table, the guys have already loaded her down, and in a blinding flash, she figures out how “us-versus-them” really works on Biggest Loser 5. In fact, in the whole twenty minutes, no man ever puts a food item on another man’s table.

Amazingly, all four guys carbo-load during the event by taking bites from the food items they are carrying. Well, Bob told them to eat more carbs! As time expires, one wonders if Kelly’s table will buckle under the weight.

Finishing sixth is Kelly, with a whopping 15,061 calories on her table. Not faring much better is Ali, with over 14,000 calories. Ali is upset that the guys ganged up on the women. I say that although she was out of the house for a while, she’s been back long enough to see how things are. In a cameo, Roger has no sympathy to send to her pity party.

Dan and Mark have a little over 5,700 and 5,600 calories, respectively, but the other boys are about 1,000 calories better. By 415 calories, Jay wins the $10,000. He’s planning on taking his wife on a vacation.

The way it worked out, the ladies actually determined who would win the prize.

Bob has recorded a video to suggest that if you’re going to a sporting event, take your own food. Peanuts and bun-less hot dogs are the best of the usual options available for purchase. Avoid cotton candy and ice cream at all costs.

Alison offers Jay a one-pound pass for his $10,000. Jay agonizes over his decision. Ali tells him he doesn’t have to announce his decision until the weigh-in.

Dan suggests to Jay that he’s due for a bounce-back week and probably won’t need the pound, so he should keep the money.

Talking with Kelly, Ali is still upset the way the game is going. She’s sure the Blue team is handing Roger the $250,000 prize. She decides to form an alliance with Kelly.

Bob the trainer hears about Jay’s windfall, and then hears about the offer. Bob directs Jay to take the one-pound pass.

Jillian hears how the guys were snacking during the challenge. She says, “It’s sad that they’re not growing in the ways that they should be,” and, “They’re repulsive to me right now.” Jillian reminds us how a pound sent home both Bernie and Brittany.

Roger and Jay are discussing what Jay should do about the pass. Meanwhile, they are all eating massive subs. Roger jokes with Jay that he should take the cash, but then honestly tells him that this season, the price of a pound is $10,000 and he should give up the cash.

Personally, I think Jay has such a small chance of winning the game, he should just take the cash. But I’m a mercenary little devil, so maybe that’s not the right decision.