Here Come the Newlyweds, the Finale: The Bitter Exiles Return

We start at breakfast and the Moutras and the Holmeses are congratulating themselves on making it to the final two couples. Host Pat joins the couples and asks them to step outside for the next competition. He tells them that the final prize is $465,000 and that no additional money will be added. Instead they will be playing for one of three envelopes. Pat doesn’t reveal what is in the envelopes, but he does tell them that they definitely want them.

The challenge is to determine how much is too much to spend on various items. The men and the women independently write down their amounts and every dollar each couple is off is tallied. The couple with the lowest dollar amount at the end of the challenge wins an envelope.

The first item is silver strappy sandals that Pat says represent women’s shoes in general. Let’s see how much the couples would spend on shoes.

Crystal says $20! I want to know where she shops. My answer would have been several hundred dollars so I’m shocked that she would never spend more than $20 on shoes. Crystal interviews that she low-balled her answer because she thinks Johnnie is cheap. Johnnie, however, says $50 for the shoes so the Moutras difference is currently $30.

Heather says $100 and Lance says $150. I have to say I’m shocked the women are giving lower answers than their husbands.

Pat then brings out a bag that looks like a Coach knockoff. He asks the couples how much is too much for women’s purse. Crystal again low-balls, and says $20. Johnnie says $100. Heather says $100 and Lance says $200. Why are these women putting down these low numbers?

The next item is a wig that represents a women’s haircut. Crystal says $40 and Johnnie is not that far off with $45. Heather says $45 and Lance says $75. Now, I live in Manhattan so I think Lance’s number is the only one that represents any kind of reality. I know Manhattan prices are grossly inflated, but I can’t imagine getting a hair cut for $45!

Now Pat asks how much is too much to spend on a TV. Crystal says $600. She obviously isn’t watching TV on a big screen LCD or plasma. Johnnie says $200. I have no idea what kind of TV he is watching. Heather says $1600 and Lance says $2000.

Pat tells us that the Moutras are now off by $515 and the Holmes are off by $580. The Moutras have the edge in this competition because they seem to be writing down lower numbers overall so their differences are smaller.

The last item is a brand new car. This one is tough and the numbers will be so large that they almost didn’t need to ask the previous five questions. Crystal says $15,000 and Johnnie says $20,000. Heather says $35,000 and Lance says 50,000. Obviously, Crystal and Johnnie win the first envelope.

During the commercial break there is an announcement to visit cbs.com to find out how to be on the next season of Here Come the Newlyweds. I’m a little surprised that there is going to be a new season. I didn’t think this one was doing all that well.

We return from commercial break and the couples are on a stage in a theater. There are props and scenery behind them and Pat tells them that they will have to use the props to represent their ideal lives, including where they will live, what kind of house they will live in, what kind of vehicle they will drive, the pet they will own, and how many children of each gender they want. The husbands and wives will separately use the props to create their perfect life and the couple whose perfect lives match most closely will win the next envelope.

Johnnie and Crystal are up first. They both put up traditional houses in the suburbs first and then work on the cars, pets, and kids. When they are both done, it turns out they have created identical perfect lives! Way to go Moutras!

The Holmeses are up next. We see them both pulling out the country background and the traditional house. They finish and it turns out they have identical perfect lives as well! This is impressive.

Pat tells the couples that since they both matched completely, the envelope will go to the couple who finished the challenge in the shortest amount of time. I think this is a little unfair because the Moutras had three kids (represented by strollers) and one pet and the Holmeses had four kids and two pets, which is just more stuff to carry and probably slowed them down. Turns out I’m right and the Moutras win.

The couples go back to the house and surprise, surprise, all of the eliminated couples are sitting out on the deck. The Moutras and the Holmeses greet everyone and they interview that there is definitely some tension and anger among some of the couples. Guess who the most bitter couple is? That’s right, my favorite couple, the Freises. The Krashins and the Woodwards are the only ones that are actually being nice to the final two couples.

Pat comes out on the deck and tells the Moutras and the Holmeses that the other couples are going to decide which couple should win the final prize. There is some groaning going on.