Biggest Loser 5: Couples, the Finale – My Kingdom For A Pound!

This season, there has been a feature associated with the show I haven’t bothered writing about. Called the “Million Pound Match-Up,” viewers were challenged to register with the show online, get a partner, and then combine to lose a million pounds as a group. Alison reports that the objective was achieved, with total weight losses of 1,129,347 pounds being reported. The duo of “Markus and Amber” is identified as “the grand prize winners,” but I’ll be hanged if I know what they did or what they won. So… let’s move along…

It’s time to bring out the finalists. First out is Roger, whom we’ve already seen. He says he trained every day like he was going to be a finalist, because he would never want to find out he was a finalist without having done his best.

Next out is Kelly. Kelly is looking fine and smiling huge. Prompted by Alison, she says, “I’ve definitely given this to a Higher Power,” and, “I know I gave it my all, every time.” There was stuff in the middle, but even the closed caption person couldn’t make sense out of it. Alas, details of God’s plan for Kelly must remain a mystery.

Finally, we see the new Ali. Ali is tiny, except for some sexy biceps. She’s stoked about her chance to become the first female winner, but knows there are three contenders on stage.

Alison asks Roger if he feels pressure representing America. Please, tell me she doesn’t write these posers herself! He says he does, but he’s excited for the opportunity. Kelly is asked about a woman winning the game. She says things might be stacked against them, but if anyone can do it, it’s her or Ali.

I should point out that everyone was wearing street clothes up to the last commercial, but are now wearing stylish Biggest Loser gym gear. So THAT’S what the commercials are for!

As the biggest loser on campus, Ali won the right to set the weigh-in order. It’s Roger first, then Kelly, and then herself. Again, each mounting of the scale is preceded by more video. Maybe some is new, maybe not, but it’s time to push on to the results – and here they are:

Ali wins, and handily! Hostess Alison shouts at the top of her lungs, “Ali is the first female Biggest Loser! Go hug your mother!”

Roger lost 20 pounds after he went home from the ranch and cracked the 200-pound barrier. Kelly lost another 16 pounds, while Ali, close to being in danger of going TOO far, dropped an additional 13 pounds at home. Both women increased their total loss to more than 100 pounds. Impressive, all!

As the confetti falls, the show abruptly ends with no time left to talk to Ali. Like that last round of questions and video served any purpose whatsoever? Or that the first result we were promised in five minutes instead took ten minutes to deliver? Shameful!

Next Season: Yup, there’s more coming. It appears the theme is “Families.” Be very afraid.

Viewing Note: Ali will be a guest on The Ellen Degeneres Show show on this Friday, April 18. You’ll need to check your local listings for the time – mine have it listed at seven different times, with start times ranging between 10:00 AM (EST) and 8:00 PM. The 4:00 PM timeslot seems to be the most popular, though.

My Opinion: This was a long season – we saw over 30 hours of material! About the only ones airing a longer season are Big Brother and Major League Baseball! Not all of it was warranted, and the steady growth of filler material, faux-forced delays at the weigh-ins, and product placement featurettes was not welcome.

Case in point: between the time Alison brought out the finalists in their gym suits and the time the confetti fell, due to stale recap video, unnecessary filler questions, and an interminable number of commercials, an astounding 17 minutes passed. Thank God there weren’t four of them!

My heartiest congratulations to Ali, who absolutely deserves this win. She beat them all… Mark, Roger, and even Bernie. Now, Ali and Mark… go eat a sandwich, you’re both too thin!

Finally, my grateful thanks to those who took the time to share their thoughts with me via email this season – your efforts are appreciated!

Do let me know what you think about it all at the eAddress below.

More at home with popcorn than push-ups, Brian can be reached at uncle_bto@rogers.com. He’d like to hear your opinions and promises to respond to all serious email!

Click here to shop The Biggest Loser Fitness Store from NBC.

More at home with popcorn than push-ups, Brian can be reached at uncle_bto@rogers.com. He’d like to hear your opinions and promises to respond to all serious email!

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