The Baby Borrowers, Episode 2: You Need To Get A Jobby-Job

Last time on The Baby Borrowers, five teenage couples had one heckuva time with other people's babies. That's pretty much the long and short of it, except that young Austin and Kelly didn't even make it to the actual baby borrowing before they imploded. Let's see what happens this time.

Little Karson is crying in his crib, as his real mom Kristy – mistress of the condescending freak-out – watches, dumbfounded that temporary parents Alicea and Cory aren't giving the baby a bottle. Sleepy Cory stumbles in from the bedroom and tries picking up Karson to see if that will calm him down. "He's never going to go back to sleep if (Cory) holds him!" says Kristy of the baby. Give the guy a break – it's the rare individual that knows the exact right thing to do every time out with their first baby.

Flash forward to morning, and poor Cory has been up all night with Karson, getting no support from Alicea, who basically shut down after Kristy ripped her a new one. I will say this in her defense: I'm sure Alicea came with the idea that she was going to get to see what it was like to be a parent, and real parents don't have angry moms like Kristy coming in and yelling at them as if they were children about how to deal with a baby.

Alicea could have handled it better, but she may be like me: She wants to be able to make her own mistakes without someone constantly standing over her shoulder, and find her own way. She may not have realized that getting a demeaning lecture as if she were the baby herself would be part of the bargain. That said, she needs to get out of bed and deal with it.

Today, one member from each couple will have to go to a job site and work to earn a $100 paycheck while the other stays home with the baby. A little bit of an old-fashioned view of family life – certainly not all couples have such an option – but nevertheless it’s designed to be a taste of what the real world is like for these inexperienced wannabe parents.

Alicea has just completely checked out and wants nothing to do with poor Karson. Cory's frustrated, but he's trying his heart out with the baby while Alicea gripes at him and gives up in the middle of trying to give the baby some food. Yes, I defended Alicea somewhat, but she's losing sympathy points right now like chips at a blackjack table.

Meanwhile, two houses away, Kelsey is also having a breakdown, and the fact that she's physically sick isn't helping things. Kelsey had her own run-in with a mad momma, and is doubting her maternal instincts, leaving her partner Sean to take care of the baby. Unlike Cory, Sean isn't frustrated at all – he wanted to prove to Kelsey that they weren't ready for a baby, and this turn of events is exactly what he wanted, so he happily plays with tiny Etta while Kelsey sits on the couch and looks for a hole in which to crawl.

Sean is trying to convince Kelsey that he has to go to work and earn their money, but Kelsey is just feeling horrible, physically and emotionally, and pleads with Sean not to go anywhere, that she can't take care of Etta without him. "Looks like we're not going to have any money," Sean tells the baby, while Kelsey locks herself in her room.

I hate these shows that give away half the upcoming scenes right before the commercial break. This is one of them. Consider me annoyed. Let's move on.

Our mysterious voiceover tells us that the money the fake parents earn goes to feed their children and pay rent on the home. Okay, I get buying food, but isn't shelling out rent for a lavish suburban home provided by the TV show just a bit too "fantasy camp?" Who do they make the check out to, Jeff Zucker?

More Alicea-Cory-Kristy drama. Teething Karson cries, Alicea mopes, Kristy watches from the monitor and remarks to her husband that under no circumstances does she want Alicea staying with Karson alone while Cory goes off to work. Not surprisingly, Mr. Kristy agrees with everything his wife says. Smart move, dude.

No worries, mom and dad: Alicea doesn't want any part of your family either, and will be the one punching the ol' time clock. And yes, both Sean and Kelsey will be staying at home, sacrificing the paycheck. So both Cory and Sean will be playing the role of Mr. Mom today.

Etta's mom Natalie – identified by one RNO reader as being the "hot mom" – watches from afar. She knows what Kelsey is going through, having been sick while trying to take care of the baby herself, but notes that you can't just check out. The baby still needs food, a change of clothes, and everything else. "You don't just get to say, 'My husband gets to stay home for the day because I've got an upset tummy.' It's a cop-out," says Natalie. She's not wrong, but the problem is that Kelsey's issues are more psychological, less tummy-related. She really isn't in any condition to take care of a child right now.

Our disembodied host tells us that for some of the teens, this will be the first time they've ever been employed – but we don't find out of whom that's true. Austin lugs around rodents at a pet store; Jordan extracts maggots from a rabbit's hindquarters at a veterinary clinic; Daton's working at a coffee shop (hey, how did he get the relatively sweet gig?); and Alicea quickly finds herself on the chopping block at a lumber yard. She gripes and moans about the job to the guy showing her the ropes, so much so that he wagers it's an even bet she'll quit or get fired.

"This job can kiss my @$$," says Alicea, while demonstrating that her woodworking skills are on par with her ability to take criticism. Somewhere in this mess, I think she almost puts a staple through her hand. The lumber yard guy is shooting circular saws from his eyes at Alicea.

Back on the homefront, Kelsey's ready to go, telling Sean that she can't handle doing this for three weeks. Evil genius Sean rubs his hands together feverishly and cackles like Dr. Frankenstein. No, that last part didn't happen, but I bet he's thinking it.