The Baby Borrowers, Episode 6: Young at Heart

Last time on The Baby Borrowers: Teens invaded the 'hood. Daton and Morgan broke up, and Daton left the show; Austin and Kelly broke up and both stuck around. And TP was everywhere.

There seems to be a sense of relief in the cul-de-sac, as our five young couples know the worst is over. Yes, they still have the elderly to take care of, but that should be relatively simple (not simple period, mind you, just relatively simple). Jordan asks Sasha how she'll look in 67 years; "Still cute," she replies. Jordan cracks up and so do I; these two have a great chemistry.

Suddenly, the channel switches and I find myself watching Cocoon. Whoops, wait, I'm wrong. That's just our group of senior citizens heading to their respective homes for the next three days. Gene, age 77, tells us he thinks the premise of the show is a brilliant idea. Take that, American Psychiatric Association.

In case you didn't hear, the APA has condemned this show for causing the kids involved psychological harm and misusing children to get ratings. Much like the APA bashes reality TV to get attention for themselves, I guess.

There are a lot of arguments in the APA's released statement that don't make a lot of sense. Kids are taken away from the people they're familiar with and left in the care of strangers all the time. It's called "babysitting." And yes, the children were "exposed to incompetent and confused caregivers," as the APA charged. That's kind of the point – first-time parents are usually unsure of what they're doing. It's not easy. I personally think it's a lot of hot air – stop sending out press releases about TV shows and focus on actually helping people. Just my two cents.)

Anyway, back to the show…

Gene, a war veteran and "fitness fanatic," will be looked after by Austin and Kelly. You're kidding me, right? Gene doesn't need anyone to take care of him; this guy's in great shape. He can probably take care of himself better than I can. Nevertheless, he's the responsibility of the World's Happiest Couple for the next few days.

Gene sits down and tells Austin and Kelly they look good together as a couple. They tell him it's been rough lately. Yup. I guess they're not done (as they seemed to decide last week), because Austin says they're trying to work through the problems. Much the same way Jimmy Carter tried to work through problems in the Middle East at Camp David, I suppose.

Les, an 89-year-old widower, is assigned to fellow Texans Cory and Alicea. Les has a cane and doesn't move quite as well as Gene, but he's still a sharp guy. He tells us he thinks the experiment posed by the show should be "interesting and a lot of fun." He looks forward to communicating his knowledge to the younger generation. Cut to a long, awkward silence between Les and his new roomies, as none of them quite know what to say to each other. "How's things going with you these days?" Les finally says, breaking the heavy quiet. It's pretty funny.

Morgan has 86-year-old Hedy, who says she has plenty to tell her new young friend. "I'm very opinionated," she admits. Hedy needs extra care because she suffered a stroke three years previous and has trouble with hand function. She says she's had three husbands and that was enough; Morgan responds, "I've had one boyfriend and that's enough." Heh.

Morgan shares her break-up story with Hedy, who clearly feels bad for the kid. "I'll try not to give you a bad time," quips Hedy, before adding, "I don't guarantee it." This one's a corker.

George, an 89-year-old photographer, rides into town on a sort of adult tricycle. He's expecting surprises, but it's Jordan who's fascinated by George's sweet ride, which has a snazzy red flag sticking up off the back. Sasha tells us she thinks George is pretty cool, while her new houseguest snaps a picture of Jordan on the bike. "I'm just glad he didn't have to come with an air tank or anything," she adds.

From the "somewhat uncomfortable segueway" department, we meet 86-year-old Avy, who comes to Sean and Kelsey's house with her own caregiver and daughter Bonnie and – what else – an oxygen tank. Bonnie tells the young couple activities with Avy will take twice as long as normal. Avy says her health problems are due to her history of smoking, and says while she isn't happy with her current state, she feels lucky. Bonnie shows Kelsey and Sean how to operate the tank; both teens are concerned about operating the machine. "It's nerve-wracking," says Sean. "If I mess up, she's gone, and it's my fault." It is unnerving that he is grinning while he says that.

Cory, Alicea, and Les are finally finding some common ground. Les tells them about his wife, to whom he was married for over 65 years. Alicea, meanwhile, is wearing a bright yellow shirt that reads, "Free Hugs." I want that shirt. Alicea says she was expecting to have to change the old guy's diaper and help him walk everywhere – "hell," as she puts it – but she finds Les to actually be terrific company.

Half of each couple heads off to work while the other stays home with their senior citizens. Our bland voiceover guy tells us the teens learn the elderly come with their own issues, but it's pretty much just a clip of George showing Jordan all the pills he has to take. Not as big an issue for Jordan as, say, a screaming baby that Just. Won't. Stop. Kelsey fixes Avy's oxygen tank, Morgan gets Hedy's pill out of the plastic, etc.

Gene and Kelly go out for a walk in the neighborhood. She calls him "The Rock of old men." Can you smell what the senior citizen is cooking? Kelly says her own dad used to be very active and athletic, but was diagnosed with ALS at a relatively young age and is now confined to a wheelchair. Since it's a delicate moment, I'll spare making a crack when Kelly says her dad's difficulties have forced her to grow up a lot, and she says it's nice to have Gene to look up to as, I suppose, a sort of strapping, healthy father figure.

Gene says he's impressed by Kelly's maturity, and that her family experiences have taught her that life isn't a bowl of cherries but you don't let that destroy your love for your family. It's a nice thought, but it falls flat when you remember that Kelly lets very minor things (like pregnancy bellies) ruin her bowl of cherries and wreck her relationship with the guy she supposedly loves. Kelly obviously talks a better game than she shows on camera.

Time for Hedy to take a shower: She needs help washing under her arms, her back, and down to her legs. To Morgan's credit, she doesn't seem freaked by this task at all. As Morgan shampoos Hedy's hair, the elderly lady – she's opinionated, remember? – complains about how she's freezing thanks to the A/C going while she's in the shower. Again, Morgan takes it in stride.

Morgan tells us that elderly people and babies have a lot in common, and that she feels like a "good person" for taking care of Hedy. Um, I don't know about that. You're just doing what you signed up for on the show. But hey, whatever floats your boat and finds your lost remote.