Big Brother 10's Friday Morning Quarterback: Rhino Boxes

Balki: Cousin AJ? I am confusing.

AJ: What seems to be troubling you, Balki?

Balki: Why is people in the house such rhino boxes?

AJ: Rhino boxes? I’m not sure I know what you are talking about…

Balki: I hear them say this, especially about the old man Jerry. That a large container with which to hold the enormous zoo animal. He is one of the rhino boxes!

AJ: Rhino boxes? Dear lord, Balki. You mean hypocrites?

Balki: Yes! Cousin AJ, you get it on nose. Hippo crates. My English is getting better, no? Why they say that about him? Because angry beast about to break free from inside of him?

AJ: Well, Jerry certainly is full of bluster, and tends to roar his disapproval at times, but a hypocrite is someone who criticizes someone else for having done something that he himself did. All Dan did was “break his word” with his alliance (although technically, we know he didn’t, and that he had no choice as to which way he voted) and he played up the fact that he felt so bad about it that he removed his cross. Funny how a man who removed all his military insignias earlier in the season when he decided to betray his alliance can’t understand how that might happen.

Balki: Who this Judy he call Dan? Judge Judy? I love her. She don’t take no guff from nobody, bub. Is compliment to be compared to Judge Judy. She the boss, applesauce.

AJ: Judas, not Judy. He betrayed Jesus. Which I guess means that Jerry considers himself to be Jesus. Great! I’m sure he’ll be channeling his inner Jameka and expecting help from above in veto competitions before too long.

Balki: OK. Julie Chen is here. Everyone will soon be voting. I think this will be close. 3-3 tie.

AJ: Not a chance, Balki. This is going to be unanimous.

Balki: Unanimous? Don’t be reeedikuloos, Cousin AJ. Is going to be tie. April, Ollie, and Jerry voting out Keesha. They be thinking Dan will vote with them and make it 4-2. Bu the trick them and join Memphis and Renny to vote out Libra and we tied 3-3 and then it is up to Michelle what to do.

AJ: No, Balki. That’s what would happen with players who understood the game. Not with delusional April and Ollie thinking that they’re secretly run the show.

Balki: Please explain.

AJ: April and Ollie have Jerry in the palm of their hands. That’s a solid three. But without knowing for sure that they have Dan as a fourth, they’re too cowardly to make a power play for Keesha’s eviction, because they’re afraid that might signal to the house that they are in an alliance.

AJ: Of course they do. But April and Ollie think they are being discreet and fooling everyone. So, since they couldn’t guarantee that Dan was going to join up with them – because they don’t truly trust him, and not for the much more obvious reason that Dan might not want to be in an alliance with a man who calls him Judas – and they weren’t sure that Michelle would vote out Keesha with the tie-breaking vote, they opted to not even take the chance that Michelle might side with them, and as a result, accepted that they would now be outnumbered 5-3 without a fight.

Balki: That’s so stupid. Everyone knows they are three, right?

AJ: Of course… look there it is… 6-0 Libra is gone.

Balki: Just like you said.

AJ: And now, here’s the HOH competition. Oh, what a surprise. Who are the first three people out?

Balki: April, Jerry, and Ollie.

AJ: And yet they still think they’re running the show. You know what they are?

Balki: Rhino boxes.

AJ: Big dumb rhino boxes. And Renny had better nominate both April and Ollie for eviction. Time to break up this couple once and for all without the opportunity for one of them to win power of veto, save the other, and have both still around to win HOH next week. And wouldn’t it be sweet to see Jerry win the power of veto and watch the two of them beg and plead for him to use it. Now that would be entertainment at its finest!

Balki: In Mypos we have saying… "Babdeee jod foogo mon to fresdicon joolp."

AJ: Which means?

Balki: Now that’s a pig I’d like to see in my backyard.

AJ: Indeed, Balki. Indeed.

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AJ Mass writes about fantasy sports for ESPN.com when he's not busy trying to explain to his neighbors that his cousin's name is not Borat. You may reach him at thecommish@talentedmrroto.com.

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